Alone Time - What?

The transition from homeschool back to public school did not come without a caveat.

Sure this getting up at 5am is killing me, but someone has to do it.

Sure, getting them to bed early every night is a battle. I fixed it, I decorated their rooms looking like classrooms, they fall asleep the minute they walk in them.

Sure, I'm making lunches EVERY single day, sometimes throwing a cheese stick and apple in there.



Sure, I'm dealing with the extra time in the mirror for my eldest because there are GIRLS at school.

But guess what?

I drop them off it's, it's

quiet.

Like, no one complaining about my Classic Rock station (since when did all my childhood songs end up on the Classic Rock station?  About the same time all my childhood toys end up in the antique store)

No fighting over the front seat.

No dueling songs on phones.

Silence.

At first it was unnerving, I wasn't used to conversations with myself again. I wasn't used to thinking uninterrupted. I wasn't used to going to the bathroom with the door open and not worrying about someone screaming.

I was supposed to miss them, right?

Now I feel guilty.

Making myself feel better involved:

A hot cup of coffee consumed before it got cold while reading the morning paper.
A trip to the bathroom without someone banging on the door.
A hot shower long enough setting off the alarms at the local reservoir.
Reading People Magazine on the toilet without someone walking in on me.
Walking around the house naked because I can. (Do not drop by for coffee before 9am)
Breakfast of Salted Caramel Dark Chocolate.
Actually applying makeup.

I think I could get used to this. I have to, there's another 165 days left in the school year.

What do you do with your "alone" time?  Do you have "alone" time?

School Lunch - What are your kids throwing away?

DISCLAIMER: I am not a nutritionist. These are my suggestions. If you are a nutritionist, then stop reading now.

Without you realizing it, your child has a lot of control over what they eat for lunch at school.  Whether you pack a lunch for them, or they bring the tray from the cafeteria what stays in front of them and what ends up in the trash is truly their decision.  I used to think that cafeteria lunches were the easiest option (for me) until I went for lunch with my son in elementary school.

What I saw on the tray was not the most appetizing meal, sure it had some nutritional value (the pizza was on whole wheat crust) but I was appalled watching almost every single one of the children throw away the fruit on their tray.  Why?  Because served with today's lunch was an orange.

Not cut, not peeled, just an orange.

What is an elementary school child to do with this?  I watched some bite into it, grimacing at the sour taste, while others just rolled it on the table in front of them.  So I decided, I had to make something they would actually eat.  How do you determine what a child will eat at lunch?

1.  It has to be easy. Lunch time for children is a socialization time.  Their mind is not focused on their food, it is free talking with their buddies!  Make sure everything in the lunch box is a no brainer, easy to open, something they don't have to look at and wonder what it is.

2.  Make it edible.  If you are adding an apple, take a minute at home cutting it up.  This makes it easier during lunch time, most children do not have the attention span of eating an entire apple.  I usually cut half for the lunchbox, half for me.  That way the entire apple is eaten. Melons should be cut into bitesize chunks, packing the silverware does not mean they will use it, smaller chunks keep chins and such from getting sticky when biting into a larger piece of fruit.

3.  Crusts or to not crust the sandwich.  There was a 2002 study stating that the cancer fighting antioxidants baked into bread were 8 times greater in the crust, then there was my mother saying "If I ate the crust my hair would turn curly."  Just remember, if your child does not like the crust, leaving it on means they will take two to three bites of the INSIDE of the sandwich leaving the rest, cutting the crust means the entire sandwich is eaten. Or, if there isn't a crust debate in your home, don't even start one, leave the crust on.

4. Watch your sugar. Most times, the largest amount of sugar in the lunchbox is in the drink.  Many schools do not allow soft drinks in lunches, but watch the sugars of non carbonated drinks.  Remember that some energy drinks contain caffeine and sugar, meant to be used during or after a workout, not when sitting and eating lunch. One of the easiest things to get down my children is the flavored water, the best would be just water, but we're still working on that battle. One of the benefits of the cafeteria is fresh milk daily, another great choice for your child.

5. Make it fun. I've seen to the completely off the board healthy lunches, where every child is looking in the box saying, "What is that?" Don't single your child out with an over the top lunch, they may not eat it because of the ribbing from friends.  I'm not saying to not have fun. My one son loves sushi, so one morning I tossed that in his lunch! He came home from school laughing at all his friends "ewwing" that he was eating fish!

6. Add in the tradable.  Some schools do not allow trading items from lunch boxes but if yours does, I always add in the small sweet "tradable" treat. If you have the time, make those chocolate chip cookies at home with your child, if you can't add in something small and sweet - gummies, cookies, cake. This is a fun time of lunch when everyone evaluates what the other has and in some cases, trades around.

7. Your thermos is your lifeline. Most children will eat sandwiches, but consider the benefit of investing in a nice thermos. Anything left over from dinner can be lunch the next day.  Monday is my soup making day, I'll make two types of soups and put them in the thermos during the week  Sometimes if I have nothing in the house, I can heat up a frozen meal (my children like chicken fried rice) and throw that in the thermos.  The only problem I have with thermoses is when they are forgotten at school for a week and of course I'm in charge of the hazmat material.

Finally, if you want, leave them that note of encouragement.  Most elementary school children love finding a note in their lunch box, Middle and High School they say they don't, but I beg to differ.  I misspelled a word on a joke I wrote on a note and my High Schooler called me on it!

Remember, lunch is the middle refueling of your child's airplane, make good choices and they will fly through the second half of their day with a full tank!

What Happens In The Proctor's Mind, Stays In The Proctor's Mind

Those in North Carolina know that we have our EOG, End of Grade testing this week.  Another definition according to Wikipedia, a method used for measuring eye movement and for ophthalmological diagnosis - I think this translates to how quickly can we put teachers and proctors to sleep and keep track of the results!


As a involuntary (OK, voluntary but it took a lot of teachers making me feel guilty) that I became Proctor of a Grade 7 Mathematics EOG test.  In a nutshell, a Proctor is a person that must walk through the room, not saying a word, not helping anyone, not really doing anything but walking through a room trying to look busy, not saying a word.

Yes, yours truly that cannot go more than a few minutes without imparting my wisdom, usually on random strangers had to go through 4 hours of EOG.  So I thought I would give you a glimpse into my thoughts as I wandered that room.

I've got to do this HOW long?
OK, that chair looks like a torture chamber.
What is that smell?
Why am I here?
Who's idea was this?
What is that smell?
What did that instruction mean?
How do the kids do this?
Who's fooling with the thermostat, it feels like a sauna in here.
Only a three minute break?
It's only been ONE HOUR?
What is that smell?
OK, Think of a story idea.
Think
Think
I've got nothing.
Who's humming in here?
Is it proper to write IDK and WTF next to the question?
When's the next break, it's only been 15 MINUTES!
Something in here smells rotten.
Oh My Goodness, she hasn't even started the calculator active part YET?
What do I do with the kid sleeping.
That smell is back again.
Please, I will pay you to turn on the AC.
Let's replay my favorite movie in my head.
Dang, I forget the ending!
What would they do if I started tweaking right now?
Naw, they'd have to take the test again, these kids look like they'd kill me.
Oh, break two - 3 minutes to get that crick out of my back.
Wait a minute that means 2 MORE HOURS!
I am screaming in my head.  SCREAMING.
WTF WTF WTF WTF
*sucking my thumb*

The best part, once the test was done, the teacher picks up the tests, turns and says, "You are to do nothing, not make a noise, nothing, until I return.  THE PROCTOR will tell me if you misbehave and have to take the test all over again."

26 pairs of eyes turns to me as she leaves and I spend the next 10 most uncomfortable minutes of my life, worse that asking one of the girls in middle school if she had an extra pad in the lavatory!  They stare at me like I am the enemy, I will not tell them what was going through my mind.

What did I learn?

I can survive 4 hours without my cell phone.
Wow, I have the most interesting conversations in my head when I am actually listening.
I had no idea kids could make those types of noises with gum.
I had no idea kids could create such art with eraser dust when bored.
It is not fun having a kid give you the death stare, especially when it is not one of your kids.
My voice sounds different after surviving 4 hours of not saying a word.

Grade Mom - who's idea was this?

I've been asked to be the Grade Mom by my 9 year old.  He did it after two glasses of wine, that sneaky kid!  So here is why he asked:

We have Fall (I am not allowed to say Halloween) treat bags for the last day of the quarter.  Like a good grade parent, I sent out the call for trinkets (I was trying to be responsible) for the bags.  Obviously all the parents must have good dental insurance (which I pay cash for) because the pile of candy that came in was astounding!  Here's why my son wanted this job.

"This bag says there are 30 pieces.  There are 23 kids in the class," he says.
"That AG math is paying off," I reply.
"I'm just going to eat the other 7 so everyone gets one, OK."

"This one is 140 pieces and since 23 goes into 6 times, I'm going to count those out and hold on to the rest."

Do you see a trend here?

"Look this bag is 3.5 POUNDS of candy, do you want me to count it out in groups of 23 - it is a good math exercise."

So he uses his Math skills, separates it all out.  Then leaves it in big piles all over the kitchen for ME to put in our candy bags.

Ten minutes later.

"We have too much candy, it's not fitting in the bags I bought."

My son smiles devilishly.



Oh and to that OTHER Grade Mom who's making Rainbow Loom bracelets out of the school colors for the class - well, you suck!  Especially when everyone in my class will have their teeth falling out saying, "Why didn't we get a bracelet?"

Oh YOU Technology Gods!

I think that human beings would be so much more productive if technology actually worked for us.  There is a direct correlation to whether or not technology will work for you and how bad you need the finished product.

I just want to print out my son's homework.

My printer this morning is throwing a temper tantrum, "Oh you really need to print that document?  Well, I'm sorry, I don't feel well today."  It is currently regurgitating some type of code in magenta - a sign that it may have the flu.

I could lose the next hour of my life trying to figure out what is wrong:

Let's turn it off and back on - waiting the 15 minutes for it to start up and say, "Nope."

I could uninstall the driver from my computer, and reinstall - 45 minutes later the printer saying, "Nice try."

I do what I usually do, I tell him, "Well, I'm not going to get this document to print, email it to your teacher with an explanation."

My internet says, "Oh yea?  I've been talking to the printer and we think you suck so we're both going on strike."

It takes 15 minutes from rebooting everything to check to see if it works - not to mention, I've got to crawl behind the desk into my spiderweb project to find the plug to the router and be able to unplug it.  At which time the plug falls farther behind the desk and I have to stick my hand behind a bookcase to find it - I will not tell you what else I found.

I take the document, save it to a USB hand it to the kid, "Find a printer at school.  I'll have it working when you get home."

So I do what I normally do, "I'm going for a run, this stinks."  I fill a water bottle, forget it on the sink, go out my front door, hit the automatic lock and it closes with a "life is hard and I am tired" slow crawl.  Realizing I forgot my water bottle, I try hitting the codes and the lock does nothing.

I'm locked out.

Rather than looking like Rumplestiltskin in the front yard, Plan C, I'll just go for the run anyway.  When I come back my lock is saying, "Oh you thought you could get away from me - the printer told me to hold out for better working conditions and the router agrees."

Plan D - I'll try the back door, someone had to let the dog out, right.  The dog is at the bag door looking at me like, "Why are you here, don't you know I have to go outside?"  She pees in fear as I try the back door handle and scream because it is locked and obviously no on LET the dog out.



Plan E - I get to crawl through my old dog door (I once had very big dogs) into the spiderweb infested basement, through the dirt and up through the basement.  Halloween horror stories you have nothing on my real life as the big red spiders say, "Oh look, that spiderweb wrecker is coming through here - dive bomb her!"

I make it back into my home and stop for a minute.

I've got spiderwebs in my hair.

I itch all over because I am afraid a spider is still crawling somewhere.

My printer and my router are still in conspiracy to wreck my day.

I look over to the bottle of wine but change my mind.

Shower, attitude adjustment and get on with your life.

Take that technology gods, you thought you could ruin my day?

Wait, why isn't my phone turning on?   Did you talk to the printer and the router?

Can I please go back to the days when you had to get up and walk to the TV to change the channels?  Technology is supposed to make things easier but getting it to work is an endurance test.

What do you think?

Get up!

With the start of school, we mother's cherish the non pitter patter of little feet around the house.  So to be sure they make it to school on time, here's a way to make it through the first week of school, heck, the entire school year.



Day One - they usually get up on time, so set the alarm for yourself.  Because you will over sleep and then come down asking them why they didn't wake you, they will look back with a dazed expression, "I was supposed to wake you up?"  The best alarm for parents is the start of the coffee maker, makes getting out of bed that much easier.

Day Two - They have now realized that they do not want to get up early and go to school.  Setup the Karaoke machine the night before and have them running from their room for the shower or listen to your rendition of "Over the Rainbow."

Day Three - They have now turned off their hearing in the morning, evident by the alarm going by their head and they are still not moving.  Check for a pulse, if there is one, then turn the air conditioner down to 37 degrees, once the house is chilled enough, pull the blankets and sheets off of them and announce you are putting them in the laundry.  Hypothermia will get them moving.

Day Four - they wore flannels to bed.  Light a match, blow it out, then run into the room waving it screaming, "The house is on fire.  Get out!  Get out!"  Have their clothes waiting for them in the "safe spot" of your front yard.

Day Five - none of the above is going to work.  Time to pull out the big guns.  Smear their face with beef paste, put the dog in the room and shut the door.  Enough said.

Getting them out the door on time means more quiet time for your cup of coffee, your facebooking and god forbid - a little bit of cleaning.

What are your ways to get kids up and ready for school?

Tales from the Carpool Line

Many still follow the soap operas, but TV Networks could really draw an audience if they ran - The Carpool Line Tales of Romance, Mystery and Intrigue.

Carpool Line -do you really know what happens outside your school, and where exactly are your children?


The Characters -

Early Bird - this obsessive compulsive parent has to be first in line.  She shows up in her underwear because she didn't have time from getting out of the show and over to the school.  Many a teacher has opened the car door to some nasty sights so she fulfills her promise to her child of "being first out the door."

The Napper - she arrives 30 minutes before the line starts 2nd behind the Early Bird.  When the line starts to move, many other parents have snippets of her dreams, "Oh Darryl you're so manly" as they walk to her car waking her out of her dreams.

The Lovers - two single parents timing their arrival, putting them next to each other as they wait for the line to move.  They look at each other and sigh.  Could the Brady Bunch movie really be part of their future - could they melt their families together?  And the biggest question, who's going to get out of their car first making the first move?

Nazi Driver - this wench pulls into the carpool line, quickly swerving through parked cars butting in line getting ahead of everyone else.  What she is not ready for is the parents that get out of their car having trouble with her excuse that she had a violin lesson in 30 minutes.  The ensuing brawl send a few of the waiting children directly into therapy.

Get Outta My Way - This is the 6 foot tall Monster Truck, darkened windows so no one knows who or what is inside and a big "Jihad This" sticker running along the window in the back of the truck.  Amazingly all parents move to the side to let this car go first.  Could they be behind the spray painting of curse words in the school from the night before - is that a Jihad?

Mom on the Run - this is the Mom that shows up skidding to a stop JUST before they children move to the front of the school in the "My Mom's Late Walk Of Shame."  The door to her car slides open, a few Happy Meal toys fall out as she's singing along with "The Devil Went Down to Georgia."  Will she finally make it on time?  What will her children do when they sit in front of the office for over 15 minutes.

Follow the Carpool line as their tales of Love, Lust and Murder unfold.  Who exactly is putting all the beer cans in the Can Do Recycling Trailer?  How much will the school lose if they decide on rehab?  How will the teachers cope with the line of children waiting, the new K students throwing up on their shoes from nervousness?  Can they talk the Jihad This parent down from their six foot car.  And what will happen to our lovers, will their cars accidentially bump into each other and the romance of a lifetime result?  Carpool Line is full of love, laughter and lust as we move through the perils of the school year.

Not getting enough of the Carpool line?  Coming this summer - Summer Camp Drama, a new show of drama between the two oak trees.  A little bit of "One time at bandcamp" with a who lot of, "I just can't leave him here at camp crying like that," Summer Camp like Carpool Line will have you laughing, crying or jumping in your car because you are late picking your child up from school.

The Teachers - can they handle sending out over 100 children, will they be thrown up on by the scared Kindergartenders?

The School - office workers realizing a car pool rider was accientially put on the bus.  Looking for that child hiding in the afterschool room hoarding all of their snacks.  Dealing with complaining parents because Napper didn't wake up in time and children were late to Violin.

It's a Valentine's Pinterest War!

Valentine's is a day of love, excitement, and perhaps for a few of us, a reason to get lucky during the week.  Valentine's is also a holiday of low self esteem when you are a mom, when your child comes home from school with that handmade mailbox full of reasons why you suck as a mom.

When I was a kid the only dilemma on Valentine's day was how to write the name of the boy you "liked" on your Hardy Boy valentine.  If I write it too big he'll know I like him.  If I write it too small, he'll think I DON'T like him.  Wait, does this Valentine say "love you," oh I can't send this to him because then he'll really know that I like him.

Now, no one sent me the memo about the competition on Valentine's Day between Moms.  That this holiday was renamed, "Oh I'm a crafty wench," for Moms as their children brought in the hand decorated wagon of full of homemade treats and cards for the class.

My first hint was watching all the different things my friends were pinning on Pinterest.  "Wow, look Martha is making clay impressions of her son's heart out of cookie dough then hiding a SB Anthony dollar in each one before she baked them.  Now, that's crafty."

I thought it was the usual Pinterest game, that people were simply in a pinning war to show other Moms that we can all find the super craft stuff, but no one really DOES it right?

Then the mailbox comes home.  One Mom hand stenciled a Robert Frost poem in a perfect heart on a cut out doily attached to beautiful Valentine themed card stock.  Another, made her own Valentine paper with seeds of love in the paper, the children should plant the paper and watch their love grow.  And yet another drew 27 scale replicas of the Universe with a little "you are here with my heart" decoupaged over the Earth.  (Oh very crafty, a learning lesson and valentine?)  Then there's the one that made cookies that look like each child with hand lettered love poem for each one.

Me, I sent in the boxes of Candy Hearts.  I've got a whole Pinterest board of crap I could do for Valentine's Day but who's got time for that.  The basketball game was on last night and I had better things to do.

What I am going to do, is find some really crafty Pinterest pin about what to do with all the leftover Valentine crap and pin it to start freaking all the Moms out.  Maybe I can create a post Valentine, "Oh I can do crafty things with all your crafty things" holiday.

And you know what, my son went through his box, tossed all the cards and notes, even the exact replica of the human body in toothpicks, and went straight for the candy.  Take that you Moms.

How do you feel about Valentine's Day?

You know you're a writer when

You child asks for a story for their Halloween Party - and you surprisingly come up with one - complete with the names of everyone in the class!

Twas the school day before Halloween, 

And all through Mrs. Markland’s class,

All the kids were excited. fighting over the Hall Pass.

Their bookbags were hung filled with candy and stuff,

In hopes that soon they could eat enough.

The children were seated, bottoms in chairs, 

While visions of Trick or Treating made it hard to bear.

And Mrs, Markland trying to teach at the Smartboard

Had just settled when Jayden pulled the power cord.

When outside the door, there arose such a clatter.

Rebekah, Mike and Jaylin ran to see what was a matter.

Away to the door, Mackenzie and Kailynn ran in a flash,

Zakhia pulled open the door with a crash.

The trees of Old Richmond still had fall leaves,

The wind was blowing, making more fall from the trees.

When, what to Jaylin and Christopher’s wandering eyes pops,

But one BIG pumpkin, 20 maybe 30 pounds tops!

A funny pumpkin, full of seeds and fun,

Zander said it was Super Pumpkin, Tanner said no that’s not the one.

It rolled past the tree, and into the room,

Brandon jumped in the air as past him it zoomed!

The pumpkin rolled and laughed as it did,

Kaleb tried to grab it but past it he slid.

Cecelia said, “Stop let’s see what it does.”

The children stood still, their voices a buzz.

“My name is Jack,” the pumpkin said loud,

“I need your help,” he said to the crowd.

“What could he want,” Iselle whispered to Julia.

“Maybe he thinks we want pumpkin pie,” said Cynthia.

“Help me have some fun on Halloween.”

“I don’t want to dress up as a king or a queen.”

Jack the pumpkin rolled as he said, “I’m not a phantom.”

“I need your help to become a Jack O Lantern.

Max jumped up high, “We can help you with that.”

Dawson jumped with him, “Pumpkin Pie makes me fat.”

Mrs. Markland came with a knife and a scoop.

Emma cut open the top and pulled out some goop.

“Ewww, Yuck, Golly Gee.”

Max’s hand were full of pumpkin and slimy.

Julius gave him some eyes, Daylan carved out the nose.

Max wanted to give him pumpkin toes.

They decided on a happy pumpkin, with a big smile,

Cameron  said, “He’s got some pumpkin style.”

They carved and made a pumpkin to be proud,

And as the he rolled away he said to the crowd.

Thank you for making my halloween howl,

Off to Trick or Treaters I’ll prowl.

Thank you Old Richmond, I feel so dandy,

Happy Halloween to you, now go eat your candy.

Hi, I'm a loser Mom and so glad to meet you....

Middle School Orientation where all us rising 6th grader parents stumble around a new school with that deer in the headlights look on our faces.  I was right there with everyone, riding to the school and getting a little lost (I can't find my way out of a paper bag).

"Didn't you say everyone had to come in SMOD?"

I wonder what SMOD is, some kind of new drug?   "SMOD?"

"Standard Mode of Dress."

"Oh yeah, that's what the email said."

"Then why is everyone else not in SMOD?"

Well, lookee here, hmmm.  "How about that?"

Luckily, when we arrive at the classroom everyone is looking very SMODY, including my son.

We go to homeroom, and that's when I meet her.  I don't like her.

She's waiting in line for the teacher, behind us, writing notes in a pretty pink notebook.  What is she writing?  I think, grabbing an old receipt from my purse to look like I am prepared.

"So what book did you read?"  She asks my son, immediately he looks from her to me.

"Book?"

"The summer reading list, they only have to read one," she pulls a list of 10 books out of her volumious purse, of course, everyone on her list had a check mark next to it.

I jot down the list of books on my receipt, thinking guess we have some work to do.

When it's my turn to talk to the teacher, she jumps right up there with her son figuring that since we stood in line together, we are best friends, we can do everything together.  No sirree Bob.

"Oh, I don't want to forget to give you this," she pulls out a decoupaged laminated card with all of her son's allergies and all the important contact numbers.

The teacher looks at me, I could write my numbers on the back of the Food Lion receipt but then she'd know about the case of PBR's on there.  I hand her a business car, "Sorry that's all I got."

The teacher looks between the two of us, I feel a big L glowing on my forehead, "Have you met Loretta?"

I shake hands with super Mom as the teacher says, "She's been visiting the school prior to open house, we got to know each other well."

Loretta smiles, "Oh I came SEVERAL times before school let out, then volunteered my time to help reorganize the library.  It's so nice to be back at school.  Have you been here before?"

I frown, does getting lost looking for the airport count?  "Why, yes, I came to open house in May."

"Oh, they've changed a lot since then, the bathrooms were repainted, I was a helper with that.  And they were able to upgrade some of the computers, I'm part of the PTSA, you can always make a donation through me."

We tour the classroom, then I leave him to go to Parent Orientation meeting.  She's right behind me, "I'm so glad our children are in home room together,"she says as she slides into a chair next to me.  My only thoughts are this room is hot, there's no air, how am I going to stay awake?  As each speaker talks, she furiously taking notes in her notebook next to me.  What is she writing?  I think looking at the cheat sheet in my hand.  Watching her add electronic deadlines in her calendar, and write out a flow chart, I feel the L on my forehead again, and pull out my phone to try and figure out some type of note to write.  Two email checks and one facebook status update, I've realized the assembly is over and it's time to get our kids.

"Have you gotten all your supplies," she asks me as we walk to the classroom, why is she still with me?
"No, I wait until Open House that way I get an actual list from the teacher," I reply.
"Well, I always get all the basics early on sale, then only have to add from the teacher, but since I was here earlier in the week, I was able to hit the 2 for 1 sale at Staples," she says.
"Oh yeah, I'm sure you bought the Ticeronda pencils, when right here it says MECHANICAL PENCILS ARE PREFERRED, take that!"
"Oh, we always buy mechanical pencils, Bradley loves those."

Well good for you, I'm going to go and fight it out like a Black Friday sale for the last pack of graph paper, and be out at Walmart at 2am the night before school starts because we'll forget something.

We reach the classroom, her son and my son walk out looking like they've become friends.  Dang, guess I am going to be seeing more of her this year.

"Did Ms. Laughinghouse tell you I'm the Grade Parent," she asks smiling sweetly.

It's going to be a long year.....

How to tell summer vacation is coming to an end!

1.  You hear yourself say, "Oh?  What's that?  A stove?  What?  You mean you want me to do something with it?"

2.  You're contemplating a taser because the approach of EARLY mornings has you very, very afraid.

3.  You're back to reading nutrition books, trying to remember the four food groups - realizing they are not pizza, burgers, watermelon and sweet tea.

4.  You've vacationed in beautiful places, and come home realizing you have WAY too much clutter.

5.  Wondering how everyone outgrew their clothes over the summer - including yourself!

6.  Have this strange obsession with office supplies - trying to find the perfect mechanical pencil.

7.  The beach chairs are going back on the shelf in the closet, the Thigh Master is being pulled back out.

8.  You walk through cobwebs in your own home, not I haven't cleaned cobwebs, but I haven't been here in a while cobwebs.

9.  Your children actually say, "I'm sick of going to the pool."

10.  You actually cry at the thought of dropping them off on that first day of school - with joy.

Mom Reminder

Just when I thought I'd be sad about the end of Winter Break, my son wakes up and immediately starts the grating whining in my ear before anything - cup of coffee, boogers out of the eyes, morning stretches.  Here's a few reason's why they must go back to school.

1.  You can't stay on vacation forever, with all that vacation eating, you'll become bigger than the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man balloon in the Christmas parade.

2.  They need good social skills, better to have them argue with their friends then test this skill on you for 24 hours at a time.

3.  Babysitters are expensive.

4.  They have to learn that pajamas are not acceptable attire after noon EVERYDAY.

5.  They must get back to a regular food schedule, a normal lunch rather than a few pieces of leftover turkey, applesauce and gummy bears for dessert.

6.  They must get back to a regular exercise schedule, I mean you must!

7.  You must learn that great skill of talking to yourself, and making sense.

8.  There isn't enough headache medicine (or wine) for continual "family time."

9.  Reading should consist more of books than Calvin and Hobbes for them and Facebook Status messages for you.

10.  That time away will make the time together that much sweeter, with lots of chocolate involved.

If you love something, you must let it free, that means kicking its butt on the bus at that magical 8am time and then settling with a HOT (didn't get one all winter break) cup of coffee and peace and solitude.  Funny thing is, you'll MISS them!  Why should your children go back to school?