Oh YOU Technology Gods!

I think that human beings would be so much more productive if technology actually worked for us.  There is a direct correlation to whether or not technology will work for you and how bad you need the finished product.

I just want to print out my son's homework.

My printer this morning is throwing a temper tantrum, "Oh you really need to print that document?  Well, I'm sorry, I don't feel well today."  It is currently regurgitating some type of code in magenta - a sign that it may have the flu.

I could lose the next hour of my life trying to figure out what is wrong:

Let's turn it off and back on - waiting the 15 minutes for it to start up and say, "Nope."

I could uninstall the driver from my computer, and reinstall - 45 minutes later the printer saying, "Nice try."

I do what I usually do, I tell him, "Well, I'm not going to get this document to print, email it to your teacher with an explanation."

My internet says, "Oh yea?  I've been talking to the printer and we think you suck so we're both going on strike."

It takes 15 minutes from rebooting everything to check to see if it works - not to mention, I've got to crawl behind the desk into my spiderweb project to find the plug to the router and be able to unplug it.  At which time the plug falls farther behind the desk and I have to stick my hand behind a bookcase to find it - I will not tell you what else I found.

I take the document, save it to a USB hand it to the kid, "Find a printer at school.  I'll have it working when you get home."

So I do what I normally do, "I'm going for a run, this stinks."  I fill a water bottle, forget it on the sink, go out my front door, hit the automatic lock and it closes with a "life is hard and I am tired" slow crawl.  Realizing I forgot my water bottle, I try hitting the codes and the lock does nothing.

I'm locked out.

Rather than looking like Rumplestiltskin in the front yard, Plan C, I'll just go for the run anyway.  When I come back my lock is saying, "Oh you thought you could get away from me - the printer told me to hold out for better working conditions and the router agrees."

Plan D - I'll try the back door, someone had to let the dog out, right.  The dog is at the bag door looking at me like, "Why are you here, don't you know I have to go outside?"  She pees in fear as I try the back door handle and scream because it is locked and obviously no on LET the dog out.



Plan E - I get to crawl through my old dog door (I once had very big dogs) into the spiderweb infested basement, through the dirt and up through the basement.  Halloween horror stories you have nothing on my real life as the big red spiders say, "Oh look, that spiderweb wrecker is coming through here - dive bomb her!"

I make it back into my home and stop for a minute.

I've got spiderwebs in my hair.

I itch all over because I am afraid a spider is still crawling somewhere.

My printer and my router are still in conspiracy to wreck my day.

I look over to the bottle of wine but change my mind.

Shower, attitude adjustment and get on with your life.

Take that technology gods, you thought you could ruin my day?

Wait, why isn't my phone turning on?   Did you talk to the printer and the router?

Can I please go back to the days when you had to get up and walk to the TV to change the channels?  Technology is supposed to make things easier but getting it to work is an endurance test.

What do you think?