What Happens In The Proctor's Mind, Stays In The Proctor's Mind

Those in North Carolina know that we have our EOG, End of Grade testing this week.  Another definition according to Wikipedia, a method used for measuring eye movement and for ophthalmological diagnosis - I think this translates to how quickly can we put teachers and proctors to sleep and keep track of the results!


As a involuntary (OK, voluntary but it took a lot of teachers making me feel guilty) that I became Proctor of a Grade 7 Mathematics EOG test.  In a nutshell, a Proctor is a person that must walk through the room, not saying a word, not helping anyone, not really doing anything but walking through a room trying to look busy, not saying a word.

Yes, yours truly that cannot go more than a few minutes without imparting my wisdom, usually on random strangers had to go through 4 hours of EOG.  So I thought I would give you a glimpse into my thoughts as I wandered that room.

I've got to do this HOW long?
OK, that chair looks like a torture chamber.
What is that smell?
Why am I here?
Who's idea was this?
What is that smell?
What did that instruction mean?
How do the kids do this?
Who's fooling with the thermostat, it feels like a sauna in here.
Only a three minute break?
It's only been ONE HOUR?
What is that smell?
OK, Think of a story idea.
Think
Think
I've got nothing.
Who's humming in here?
Is it proper to write IDK and WTF next to the question?
When's the next break, it's only been 15 MINUTES!
Something in here smells rotten.
Oh My Goodness, she hasn't even started the calculator active part YET?
What do I do with the kid sleeping.
That smell is back again.
Please, I will pay you to turn on the AC.
Let's replay my favorite movie in my head.
Dang, I forget the ending!
What would they do if I started tweaking right now?
Naw, they'd have to take the test again, these kids look like they'd kill me.
Oh, break two - 3 minutes to get that crick out of my back.
Wait a minute that means 2 MORE HOURS!
I am screaming in my head.  SCREAMING.
WTF WTF WTF WTF
*sucking my thumb*

The best part, once the test was done, the teacher picks up the tests, turns and says, "You are to do nothing, not make a noise, nothing, until I return.  THE PROCTOR will tell me if you misbehave and have to take the test all over again."

26 pairs of eyes turns to me as she leaves and I spend the next 10 most uncomfortable minutes of my life, worse that asking one of the girls in middle school if she had an extra pad in the lavatory!  They stare at me like I am the enemy, I will not tell them what was going through my mind.

What did I learn?

I can survive 4 hours without my cell phone.
Wow, I have the most interesting conversations in my head when I am actually listening.
I had no idea kids could make those types of noises with gum.
I had no idea kids could create such art with eraser dust when bored.
It is not fun having a kid give you the death stare, especially when it is not one of your kids.
My voice sounds different after surviving 4 hours of not saying a word.