Hi, I'm a loser Mom and so glad to meet you....

Middle School Orientation where all us rising 6th grader parents stumble around a new school with that deer in the headlights look on our faces.  I was right there with everyone, riding to the school and getting a little lost (I can't find my way out of a paper bag).

"Didn't you say everyone had to come in SMOD?"

I wonder what SMOD is, some kind of new drug?   "SMOD?"

"Standard Mode of Dress."

"Oh yeah, that's what the email said."

"Then why is everyone else not in SMOD?"

Well, lookee here, hmmm.  "How about that?"

Luckily, when we arrive at the classroom everyone is looking very SMODY, including my son.

We go to homeroom, and that's when I meet her.  I don't like her.

She's waiting in line for the teacher, behind us, writing notes in a pretty pink notebook.  What is she writing?  I think, grabbing an old receipt from my purse to look like I am prepared.

"So what book did you read?"  She asks my son, immediately he looks from her to me.

"Book?"

"The summer reading list, they only have to read one," she pulls a list of 10 books out of her volumious purse, of course, everyone on her list had a check mark next to it.

I jot down the list of books on my receipt, thinking guess we have some work to do.

When it's my turn to talk to the teacher, she jumps right up there with her son figuring that since we stood in line together, we are best friends, we can do everything together.  No sirree Bob.

"Oh, I don't want to forget to give you this," she pulls out a decoupaged laminated card with all of her son's allergies and all the important contact numbers.

The teacher looks at me, I could write my numbers on the back of the Food Lion receipt but then she'd know about the case of PBR's on there.  I hand her a business car, "Sorry that's all I got."

The teacher looks between the two of us, I feel a big L glowing on my forehead, "Have you met Loretta?"

I shake hands with super Mom as the teacher says, "She's been visiting the school prior to open house, we got to know each other well."

Loretta smiles, "Oh I came SEVERAL times before school let out, then volunteered my time to help reorganize the library.  It's so nice to be back at school.  Have you been here before?"

I frown, does getting lost looking for the airport count?  "Why, yes, I came to open house in May."

"Oh, they've changed a lot since then, the bathrooms were repainted, I was a helper with that.  And they were able to upgrade some of the computers, I'm part of the PTSA, you can always make a donation through me."

We tour the classroom, then I leave him to go to Parent Orientation meeting.  She's right behind me, "I'm so glad our children are in home room together,"she says as she slides into a chair next to me.  My only thoughts are this room is hot, there's no air, how am I going to stay awake?  As each speaker talks, she furiously taking notes in her notebook next to me.  What is she writing?  I think looking at the cheat sheet in my hand.  Watching her add electronic deadlines in her calendar, and write out a flow chart, I feel the L on my forehead again, and pull out my phone to try and figure out some type of note to write.  Two email checks and one facebook status update, I've realized the assembly is over and it's time to get our kids.

"Have you gotten all your supplies," she asks me as we walk to the classroom, why is she still with me?
"No, I wait until Open House that way I get an actual list from the teacher," I reply.
"Well, I always get all the basics early on sale, then only have to add from the teacher, but since I was here earlier in the week, I was able to hit the 2 for 1 sale at Staples," she says.
"Oh yeah, I'm sure you bought the Ticeronda pencils, when right here it says MECHANICAL PENCILS ARE PREFERRED, take that!"
"Oh, we always buy mechanical pencils, Bradley loves those."

Well good for you, I'm going to go and fight it out like a Black Friday sale for the last pack of graph paper, and be out at Walmart at 2am the night before school starts because we'll forget something.

We reach the classroom, her son and my son walk out looking like they've become friends.  Dang, guess I am going to be seeing more of her this year.

"Did Ms. Laughinghouse tell you I'm the Grade Parent," she asks smiling sweetly.

It's going to be a long year.....

Today I blew it....

And frankly was glad about it.

I ate Cookie Crisp for breakfast

Washed it down with a big glass of orange juice.

Finishing it with a handful of goldfish while packing school lunches.

I gave myself the opportunity to re-read my favorite parts of a book

while stuffing my face with Fishers Caramel Popcorn.

I tried my hand at writing something different

Then didn't think twice about throwing it away.

I read through all the blogs I've been saving,

Posted comments to a few.

Then went back as someone else 

And had a little fun.

I did all the things I wasn't supposed to do

Eat junk, drink wine, read romance

Because one affects the hips, another the head, the last the heart.

I figured that one day wouldn't hurt.

But I felt guilty so the last ten minutes

Before I went to sleep,

I drank several glasses of water,

Pulled out my nonfiction book,

and cut up a piece of fruit.

Sigh

If you could cheat for a day, what would you do?

Pinterest - sucking on that great teat of my time!

Have you been over to Pinterest yet?  I’d say don’t go because it’s one of those black hole places on the Internet that is a huge mouth that sucks all the time out of your life.  “Oh look at this beautiful picture on Pinterest, what?  It’s already Christmas again?”  Of course, I have to tell you to go to Pinterest because then you’ll see all the COOL stuff I’ve found and put on my bulletin boards.

It started, just like any other new Internet site with a little peek in there, “wow look at this, oh, I could try that recipe, hey that’s a really funny quote.”  Pinterest like all the other sites, then sucks you in my creating a username for you and before you can say Pinterest, you’ve got an account.  It doesn’t stop there, I’m sure Pinterest is out in the blogesphere shouting, “Hey!  Did you see Kelly Melang is here?”  Because, the next day I start getting emails, “So and So is following you on Pinterest,  hey, another person in following you on Pinterest.”

Sidenote here:  I must be a pretty cool person to get so many followers on Pinterest so quickly right---you didn’t hear me say that.

So with over 60 friends following me, my first thought is not, “wow that’s a lot of followers” but “Holy Crap, my Pinterest boards are EMPTY.  I gotta get some Sh*t out there, I mean my following awaits!”

Here’s the second way Pinterest sucked on the great teat of time, you can spend the rest of your lift looking for badges, or making badges to make your board look COOL!  

“Did you see that eggshell craft Maria put up on her board?”

I think, “Really, a crummy eggshell craft, didn’t you see the making your own ink and paper craft on MY board?”

My other friend, “I saw a funny quote, ‘Run like you stole it.”

“THAT’S FUNNY?  I could so shut that board down with the quotes sitting on MY favorite quotes and places board.”

So I figured that 5 Hour Energy was created to help us Pinterest freaks, it helps us through that maniacal hour of trying to find just the right pin for my “In My Mind” board that makes it PERFECT!  Buwahahahah!

So pin away friends, and if you haven’t seen Pinterest yet, get ready for the great sucking noise as you log in as time slips away, but don’t forget to check out my AWESOME board!  Are you letting Pinterest suck away on your teat of time?