How to avoid the divorce papers......

My Significant Other, with 25 years of marriage under our belt, have learned to avoid the situations that cause divorce.  We thought we would share a few with you, so you can prepare and avoid filing the papers.

Traveling - Anytime there's more than one piece of luggage involved, there's possible divorce papers involved.  Include two kids, security, complete with setting off the metal detectors and leaving a pair of shoes behind (how do you do that) as a wife, you just smile and watch your husband have a total meltdown.  Usually, he is fine once the storm has passed.

Setting up a Campsite - the number of pieces associated with your tent will determine how quickly the divorce papers are filed when setting up a tent.  If there are small pieces to the tent, and small children involved the papers are filed sooner rather than later.  Once when we were camping with several families, as each family arrived  - everyone pulled up their lawn chairs for prime watching as the couple setup their campsite - this included betting on how quickly they would start arguing then start shouting.

Driving Directions - I've learned with this one that my SO will simply go the opposite of what I tell him to do.  Simply smile, wait until he realizes he's going the wrong way, watch him bang on the steering wheel.  Then just to make it even more fun, I'll add, "It says here DEAR, that you were supposed to turn left 5 miles back."



Putting together anything - we're both chiefs so it usually starts with both of us with the dewey eyed look of, "We can do this together," then disintegrating into, banging, throwing of things, then finally me walking away before the lawyer knocks at the door.  Again, the number of pieces and whether or not the directions are written by a Chinese person determine how quickly this happens.  ("Whilst parking the screw into Tab C with the venerable twist....)

The First Day of Ski Season - This is when we look like a three ring circus as everyone starts looking for their ski gear.  Half way through a morning of "Mom, where is," and "Mom where is," my hubby will stand up and make a declaration, "I think someone has stolen all of my gear.  Not a single thing of mine is in the drawer."  He is very happy when he finds most of his stuff balled up and stuffed into the back of the ski drawer - complete with a scratch on his goggles.  The papers come during the walk with all the crap to our locker at the ski resort.

Shopping at Lowes - this is my downfall.  I am a dude shopper - I go, make a beeline for what I want, get it, check out and get out of the store.  My SO has to look through everything in the store, thinking of possible uses for the bits of PVC pipe he found in the discount bin.  My patience wears thin as I wait while we look at different types of nails, kits for the toilet, and how to put in your own water purification system.  After way too much time, with the papers in my back pocket, we finally make it out of the store with only what we planned on getting in the first place.  I honestly feel that I've lost a year of my life standing by a cart in a Lowe's store saying, "Honey, I'm not really sure we need the fake  rock hide a key for our house."

By realizing that these situations happen and taking the appropriate action, you can have a long happy marriage like mine - or at least no one has called their best friend to help them hide the body.  Marriage is a give and take - give a little and sometimes take a shot before the situation because it may help keep the papers at bay.

What are your divorce paper moments?