Hi, I'm a loser Mom and so glad to meet you....

Middle School Orientation where all us rising 6th grader parents stumble around a new school with that deer in the headlights look on our faces.  I was right there with everyone, riding to the school and getting a little lost (I can't find my way out of a paper bag).

"Didn't you say everyone had to come in SMOD?"

I wonder what SMOD is, some kind of new drug?   "SMOD?"

"Standard Mode of Dress."

"Oh yeah, that's what the email said."

"Then why is everyone else not in SMOD?"

Well, lookee here, hmmm.  "How about that?"

Luckily, when we arrive at the classroom everyone is looking very SMODY, including my son.

We go to homeroom, and that's when I meet her.  I don't like her.

She's waiting in line for the teacher, behind us, writing notes in a pretty pink notebook.  What is she writing?  I think, grabbing an old receipt from my purse to look like I am prepared.

"So what book did you read?"  She asks my son, immediately he looks from her to me.

"Book?"

"The summer reading list, they only have to read one," she pulls a list of 10 books out of her volumious purse, of course, everyone on her list had a check mark next to it.

I jot down the list of books on my receipt, thinking guess we have some work to do.

When it's my turn to talk to the teacher, she jumps right up there with her son figuring that since we stood in line together, we are best friends, we can do everything together.  No sirree Bob.

"Oh, I don't want to forget to give you this," she pulls out a decoupaged laminated card with all of her son's allergies and all the important contact numbers.

The teacher looks at me, I could write my numbers on the back of the Food Lion receipt but then she'd know about the case of PBR's on there.  I hand her a business car, "Sorry that's all I got."

The teacher looks between the two of us, I feel a big L glowing on my forehead, "Have you met Loretta?"

I shake hands with super Mom as the teacher says, "She's been visiting the school prior to open house, we got to know each other well."

Loretta smiles, "Oh I came SEVERAL times before school let out, then volunteered my time to help reorganize the library.  It's so nice to be back at school.  Have you been here before?"

I frown, does getting lost looking for the airport count?  "Why, yes, I came to open house in May."

"Oh, they've changed a lot since then, the bathrooms were repainted, I was a helper with that.  And they were able to upgrade some of the computers, I'm part of the PTSA, you can always make a donation through me."

We tour the classroom, then I leave him to go to Parent Orientation meeting.  She's right behind me, "I'm so glad our children are in home room together,"she says as she slides into a chair next to me.  My only thoughts are this room is hot, there's no air, how am I going to stay awake?  As each speaker talks, she furiously taking notes in her notebook next to me.  What is she writing?  I think looking at the cheat sheet in my hand.  Watching her add electronic deadlines in her calendar, and write out a flow chart, I feel the L on my forehead again, and pull out my phone to try and figure out some type of note to write.  Two email checks and one facebook status update, I've realized the assembly is over and it's time to get our kids.

"Have you gotten all your supplies," she asks me as we walk to the classroom, why is she still with me?
"No, I wait until Open House that way I get an actual list from the teacher," I reply.
"Well, I always get all the basics early on sale, then only have to add from the teacher, but since I was here earlier in the week, I was able to hit the 2 for 1 sale at Staples," she says.
"Oh yeah, I'm sure you bought the Ticeronda pencils, when right here it says MECHANICAL PENCILS ARE PREFERRED, take that!"
"Oh, we always buy mechanical pencils, Bradley loves those."

Well good for you, I'm going to go and fight it out like a Black Friday sale for the last pack of graph paper, and be out at Walmart at 2am the night before school starts because we'll forget something.

We reach the classroom, her son and my son walk out looking like they've become friends.  Dang, guess I am going to be seeing more of her this year.

"Did Ms. Laughinghouse tell you I'm the Grade Parent," she asks smiling sweetly.

It's going to be a long year.....