Jury Duty - Russian Roulette

Today I had the pleasure of experiencing the Judicial System.

"You'll love it, you sit and read and relax while getting paid by work AND the courts," my friend explained.

I packed my writing, two books I was reading, my iPad and some new music to listen to - expecting to relax for a day and catch up on things.

Boy was I wrong. 

The very first group of jurors - 37 people including yours truly.

How do the people who've been here before look?  "Oh shit, I could actually be picked for a case!"

Me?  I'm confused, I follow everyone out of the big jury room to a small court room asking along the way, "Do we still get to read?  Do I still get to write?"

We go into the court room that's about 85 degrees and all have to sit crowded onto church pews in the visitor seating area.  Someone next to me lets out a SBD, yes a silent but deadly fart.  Oh, it's going to be a long day.

The judge then went through all the procedures:

All eyes on the judge.
You must listen to every single part of the procedure.
You must not talk.
You cannot do anything except listen to the procedures.

So we go through the set of questions with the first set of prospective jurors, and I'm thinking this is pretty interesting, maybe I could do this until they get to the trial lasting about a week to week and a half.  My mind starts moving into what I have to do if I get picked, and I start sweating, while someone around me lets another one loose.

The judge asks if anyone cannot do the trial and I am tempted to get up with the four others and explain that my husband is out of town, that my kids are in school, that I work 3 different jobs.  As I think to do it, another woman says pretty much the same thing and the judge not only sends her back to the jury pool but lectures her on her civic duty.

I start sweating more, and someone lets another one.

Each juror is interviewed by both lawyers who then decide to keep them or let them go.  It's like that horror movie, you watch the next person hit the hot seat, listen to them answer a question, cringe when they say something that sends them out the door.  The amount of sweat you produce is a direct correlation to the number of people around you walking out of the courtroom.

I'm getting to a point where I am mentally answering the question for them, "Don't tell them you have a heart condition, you can serve jury duty with a heart condition!?"

Another one out the door, next.

"Don't tell them your whole life's story, just answer the questions.  What?   He's a pastor, oh man, they are going to let him go!"

Another one out the door, the woman next to be gets called, another foul one wafting across the room.

What?  She can't hear very well?   I think she can hear just fine, you mean she's 68, no that's not too old - PICK HER!

We get down to me and one other person sitting on the benches staring at each other like, "Please let them pick you."  The jury is sat, they are interviewing the alternates, I'd still get stuck.  I smell something and almost look at her saying, "REALLY!"

The woman stands with a piece of paper, I hold my breath.  She looks at us.

It's her.

I sit back because, I am not home free yet.  What if she has Tourette's Syndrome, or knows someone in the case, or doesn't answer the questions right?  I find myself saying a little prayer.

When the first lawyer is satisfied with the woman's answers, I smile as I see her frown and start sweating.  The defense lawyer asks her a few questions, she is hinting around that she doesn't have time to do it, the lawyer stops with her looks at the judge and says he is satisfied.



I almost jump up as the last prospective juror standing and yell "YEAH!  NA NA NA Boo Boo!  To who ever was FARTING, you're stuck with them!  I'm out of here!  Oh Yeah, Uh huh! ALL RIGHT!"

Instead I quietly leave the jurors sitting in the box looking like they are the one on trial and walk out of the room, HAPPY that I am back in the stuffy, hot, sweaty room of prospective jurors!  I'd rather be there any day - thank you Lord!

What I did learn:

It takes a special person, most of the people sitting with me had been married over 15 years, with several adult children, AND held a job for over 20 years.  I figured out why, because upstanding people are the ones that ACTUALLY show up for jury duty.  The rest?  They are getting deferments or just not showing up.

And if you get called to jury duty, don't complain about sitting in the big room with all the other people - it is SO MUCH better than sitting in on a trial and figuring out how to rearrange your life for the next week and a half.

Oh, and bring Febreeze with you because it is much better than standing up in the middle of the proceedings and looking at the people around you saying, "REALLY?  WHO IS IT?"

If you do your duty, as I did and don't get picked, you're scott free for two years AND you make 12 bucks for the day.  A win/win right?

Ever been to jury duty?