WTF - Closing the book on 2015, hello 2016

All kinds of advice is floating around the stratosphere on the New Year. Can you do 2016 sit ups in 2016, 2016 miles 2016, 2016 stairs in 2016?  The gyms fill up for a month, maybe two, then things settle back into their usual routines, while all of us wait patiently for the new memberships to lapse still doing what we did in 2015. This year, I'm compiling a list of "Don't s" that I plan on doing for the new year.

Simple but effective:

1.  I will not let others define who I am, I take that job personally. Pleasing others has become as 2015 as the clicker remote control. We are on different journeys in life, I'm happy with mine and ready to move forward.

2.  I will not let go of my peace.  Too many things daily try to intrude on your peace, TV's, Internet, Teenagers, Dog poop. If it is in my control to ignore it (except the dog poop) I'm letting that shit go and move on with my life.

3.  I will not be quiet.  If you don't understand me, don't agree with me, don't like me, the world is a big place, take up residence elsewhere.

4.  I will not take things to heart. It's too easy to let criticism dampen what you are doing. Sure it hurts, but like everything else coming your way, there's a lesson in there, learn it and move on.

5.  I will not quit. Harper Lee got her publishing contract at 60. Lord, please let it not be 60, I'm planning on this year.

6.  I will not get sucked into drama. If you don't like something, move on. If I don't like something, I'll move on. Seems pretty simple, remember, once you stop and open your mouth nothing is helping you put the words back in.

7.  I will not be still.  I am in charge of my happiness, therefore I know what makes me happy. If I want to do it, I'm going to do it.  It's too each getting caught up in taking care of everyone ignoring yourself. I'm adding myself to my list.  Maybe even moving my name up a few notches.

8. I will not lie. If you are beautiful and I tell you, then believe it. If you need a helping hand and I offer, the offer is real. If I bring you close, let's be friends.

9.  I will not take the low road. I believe in peace and positivity, I choose the path of light. I choose reasons to be grateful, not reasons to complain.

10.  I will not hide.  I am not afraid to be amazing and will not hide. So come along on a beautiful 2016 ride.

Ready to hit the gym?

Edwards of Beech Mountain

I was lucky enough to be invited to the Grand Opening of Edwards Fine Dining located next to Fast Eddies on Beech Mountain.  The concept of Edwards is to provide a set menu, fine dining experience with wine pairing as a new addition to the restaurants of Beech Mountain. Our party of 3 reserved the 6pm seating.



Edwards is located next to Famous Fast Eddie's on Beech Mountain Parkway. You immediately know you are entering fine dining walking through the door of Edwards. Handmade wooden tables, with comfortable chairs provide seating for 20 people with a cozy lounge of chairs and fireplace in the back of the space provide the perfect waiting space if you decide on a few extra minutes before your seating, which we did. The lights were low, candles and lamps made things comfortable as jazz played on the speakers.

Edwards gives you the option of two entree items each weekend, with shared appetizers, a salad and shared desserts. Our options were Chilean Sea Bass or Filet of Beef. We ordered two sea basses and one filet, wanting to taste both items. Our table was set with copper water mugs, wine glasses, rolls in a basket, butter, folded napkins. The wine pairing for tonights meal was either a Pinot Grigio or a Malbec, Kevin and Christine went for the white, I went for the red to start.  We sat in front of the fire for a few minutes relaxing before going to our table.

The salad was mixed greens with two choices of dressings, a raspberry vinaigrette or ranch, everything fresh.  Our appetizer was served family style, spring rolls, fried shrimp, and crabmeat stuffed mushrooms.  My favorite out of the appetizers was the mushrooms, as you can never hold me back when it comes to mushrooms.  I liked that the appetizers were served family style, so if one didn't want something, they could always trade taking what they wanted from the appetizer plate.

My dinner was filet of beef, topped with a blue cheese mushroom sauce, loaded mashed potatoes, and a mixed vegetable medley.  The filet was cooked the way I liked it, medium rare, the mashed potatoes hot, the vegetables good. The sauce on the filet added very well to the taste, hearty blue cheese with mushrooms against the tender beef. I was glad they offered to go bags because after the salad and appetizers, I couldn't finish the beef, saving it for my children at home.  Kevin and Christine remarked the sea bass was delicious, it came out steaming with the same loaded mash potatoes and vegetable medley.  All three of us tried both wines, the pairing going nicely with each entree, being a red wine drinker I enjoyed the Malbec, it wasn't overpowering and complimented my meal.

Finally, dessert came out family style, covering all the bases.  Chocolate cake along with small pastries for the chocolate lovers, then smaller pieces of fresh cheesecake for the rest of us, the cut strawberries were ripe and delicious.

I would recommend Edwards for a special dinner, with the price of $65 per person, plus the tip, for 4 courses and a wine pairing. I will definitely be going back again.  Thanks Eddie, I mean Edward for another fine addition to the mountain.

WTF - My iWatch Activity

Got a cool new gift this Christmas, the small version of the iWatch.  Basically, it connects to my phone and lets me use stuff on my phone on my wrist.

Setting up the watch, I found the Activity App, or what I call the Health Nazi. It asked me questions I'd only tell to my therapist.

How old are you?  There is no option for "Old enough to know better" or maybe, "21 plus change" I wondered what it would do if I lied telling it how I feel, a strong solid 35 years old.

What is your weight? Why does it need to know this, who is gathering this information in cyberspace laughing as I put in my goal weight, then not allowing me to save?

Are you male or female?  Well that was an easy one.

Now how do I hide that information from everyone else?

My watch beeped.

Stand notification. "Time to Stand and Move Around for One Minute"

What?

Going back to the directions, Stand Notification remind me I haven't physically moved in an hour.

I look at the watch.  "Stand? But it's Christmas Day, there's egg nog in my hand."

I finally figured out if I stand up and run in place for 60 seconds, I can fool the watch relaxing for another hour on the couch with my Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

Another beep from the watch.

Move Notifications.  First it wants me to stand, now it wants me to move.

I AM moving. I got up and walked from the couch to the kitchen then back to the couch again. The mess the kids made in the kitchen got my heart rate up effectively telling the watch I moved.  The mess the kids made effectively burned 147.6 calories.

Finally, the Exercise Ring - reminding me to exercise daily. Exercise to my watch means a step up from walking up the steps.  I read as you wear the watch, it learns from your movements, so my early Christmas Morning wake up call counted for something, I think. It says I burned a few calories.

So it tells me when to move, watch what I eat, and get off my ass.  I'm not sure this is a positive relationship in my life, and that thought process burned a few calories.

Wait, what's this? Count the amount of alcohol you consume?

Things have gone too far.

WTF - Merry Christmas Style

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the slope

Not a snowflake was falling, not even a hope.

The boards and the skis sat by the door with care,

In hopes that maybe cold weather would soon be here.

The children sat at the table waiting to be fed,

While visions of snow danced in their heads

And Jeff with a knife, my wine in hand,

 Had just settled down for the Christmas eve feast we planned.

When outside the house there arose such a clatter,

Jeff jumped from the table to see what was the matter.

Away to the window he flew like a flash,

Pushing aside Trina and Scott with a crash.

The moon on the wet grass, how it shone,

Puddles flooding the yard made him groan.

When what to his wondering eyes did appear,

A sight that made him drop his beer.

A kayak being pulled by eight flapping ducks,

Jeff knew it was St. Nick, he was in luck.

More rapid than fish, did they paddle in time,

St, Nick called, each with a name that rhymed,

“Now Puddle! now, Raindrop! now Deluge and Monsoon,

On, Thunder, on, Lightening! on, Cloudburst, give Drencher some room.

To the top of slope, to the top of it all,

Paddle away, paddle away, paddle away all!

The waves how they rippled, the ducks how they swam,

Across the lake in our yard, into the house with a wham.

Those birds, Up to the house top they flew,

With a kayak full of wet stuff, and St. Nick too-

And then, in a twinkling, we heard above us,

Some ducks a quacking, making such a fuss. 

Kevin stood from the table, turning around,

Down the Chimney came St. Nicholas with a bound.

He was dressed in a bucket hat, rain washed away the soot,

His clothes, soaked with mud, water in his boots.

A bundle of umbrellas he had flung on his back,

Looking like a peddler, above we heard a quack.

His hat was so wet, his clothes how they dripped,

His cheeks were like roses, in his puddle Wes slipped.

His droll little mouth, was drawn up like a bow,

The beard on his chin, it dripped on Erin’s head below.

The stump of a pipe sat there, he could not smoke,

Every match Tammy tried was totally soaked.

He had a broad face, a bright red rain coat around his belly,

Max squinting his face, that old raincoat was quite smelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

Splattering us with water as he shook his wet self.

A little bit of water, it didn’t bother us,

Christine wondering, ‘Why all the fuss?’

He spoke not word, handing each an umbrella, shiny and new,

Outside more rain fell, the wind how it blew,

He gave Seth a raincoat, Addy a rain hat,

Lilly a poncho, Thomas some plastic wrap.

Emma how she loved her goggles, Wolf in plastic pants,

Max held a tarp, Andrew a bucket for watering his plants.

Finally with a wink, and a splash,

Back up the chimney he went with a dash.

He sprang to his kayak, gave the ducks a smack,

Away they paddled, with a flap, a swish and a quack.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he swam out of sight!

Don’t worry the snow is coming, and to all a good night.

WTF - How My Elf is Lame

Everyone has that beautiful holiday tradition,  mine include drinking egg nog, making more egg nog, then wondering where all the egg nog went.

But I digress, everyone's now posting all their creative Elf on a Shelf pictures and I realized my Elf is lame.

First of all, we don't even have an Elf on a Shelf. I threw that hissy fit in the middle of the Barnes and Noble, "They want 25.95 for THAT? No way! I only have enough for a Gingerbread Spice Latte!"

So I figured we weren't elfing it, I mean I totally screwed up the Tooth Fairy, the first tooth falling out and all I had was a $20 bill in my wallet. I was taking out loans when both kids started losing teeth! Anything involving getting back up in the middle of the night, I wasn't doing it. I gave up getting up in the middle of the night when my kids did.

No way.  No how.

Then they guilted me into it. "Why don't we have an elf?" "Taylor's elf talks to Santa, no one talks to Santa about us? Why be good when no one tells Santa!" Insert two sad faces.

They had me there, why be good when there is no North Pole reporter? I had 25 days to Christmas including two weeks of school break, I didn't have enough egg nog if my kids decide they don't need to be good.  I had to come up with an "elf" plan.

I still wasn't buying the damn elf, so I made one up. "Hanz" started writing notes to my kids in the smallest handwriting possible. (Enter magnifying glass and book of santa jokes)  They had an elf, I had a way to actually make them behave during the two weeks off from school!!  They'd get out of control and I'd say, "HANZ!" watching them fall back in line.

But I can't be cute with an elf, I had to be lame. One blogger "Two Knitting Needles and 5 Beautiful Kids" shared pictures of her Elf pillow fight.

Her elf looked adorable sleeping in a tissue box with cotton balls for pillows.
I short sheeted their beds.

She shared pictures of a marshmallow fight, complete with a score board (a score board!).
I put green dye with glitter in the toilet telling them it was elf pee and poop.

She put candy under their pillow.
I put a real piece of Kingsford Coal.  (By the way, it's hard to get that shit out of sheets)
****that worked for a few days, they were actually good.

She shared that their elf mixed up their lunches, jumbling everything.
I put a panty liner in each lunch box.

She shared a picture of Elf by the Gingerbread house. decorating it while they sleep.
I put him on the liquor cabinet. (Both kids and hubby got a kick out of that.)

Her sweet little elf got married and had a baby.
I thought about having the talk with the kids about how you can't get married AND have a baby during the 30 days leading to Christmas but let that one go.
So, our elf adopted a stuffed mouse ornament from the tree.

So, there you have it. I may be lame but I think a bourbon drinking, note writing, trickster is much more fun than any other elf.

Now I've got to go and find that egg nog recipe again, we're still counting the days until Christmas.

Here's my Elf on a Shelf!

WTF - Getting Lost in Social Media - Not me!

Wow, what's up with all the drama parading around the internet. I mean who cares who Luke and Laura are (damn, have I dated myself there?) when you have plenty of social media buzz to keep you busy. I come to my social media for the funny videos and jokes, not the vitrol. In order to stay "friends" I'm coming clean with things I will not do:

I'm not clicking on the See More portion of any more posts, especially if they are religious or political in nature. Listen, we all know you are stating your own opinions, but if I'm bored after two sentences, I'm not reading any more.

I will not click "like if I agree. I may agree, I may not, but who's business is it anyway?

I will not comment or like anything of yours if you have over 2000 friends, because then I get notification after notification on your political comment.

I've stopped sharing bizarre stories. Sorry folks, the gold plated testicle story, the twerking with the guy in the coffin, to the sex toy that deposits alien eggs in your body, they are not REAL.  Seriously people, check if your story is real before demanding my attention.  At least the people living in the attic of Walmart was real.

Clicking on anything that takes me to those damn sites making you click through pictures along with pop up ads. You will be removed from the friends list if you share that black hole and I accidentally fall down it.

Like your picture on Facebook when I've already liked it on Instagram, takes too much time.

Take the quiz you shared on "What color represents my life?"

By the way, it is gold.

Sit and watch the video you shared of something yummy being made, I think all these videos are making me fat.

Let any of your religious or political posts change my mind. It may make you feel better to say it but it's not changing any minds.

So post things I want to see, pictures of your kids, your family.

Add in a good dose of funny stuff. Jokes, memes, things we all want to see.

Oh and all those cute bunny, kitten and hedgehog videos.  I'm definitely clicking on those.

Better yet, tell me something I want to know, like this.....thank you!

WTF - Gingerbread House Style

Every year, like childbirth, I forget how much I hate putting together the Gingerbread House. 

Here is the scenario in our home:

Buy the Gingerbread house kit because who has time to bake all those pieces.
Leave it on the floor.
The dog gets into it, nibbles the pieces.
Get pissed.

Go out and buy another Gingerbread Kit because it is a Christmas tradition dammit.
Put it on top of the refrigerator. Forget about it.
Three days before Christmas remember it is there.
Get pissed.

Invite a few friends because you need other Moms sharing the wine and the misery of putting together the house.

Open the box, everyone gets excited as all the candy pieces fall out. 
Some of the gumdrops seem a little stale.
Kids descend on the candy like locusts, eating what they can reach.
Get pissed, slap away little hands, pour a glass of wine.

Forgot you were supposed to make the icing and put the house together ahead of time.
Realize how much fun it is for 6 kids crowding around you as you try piecing the house together.
The house falls down.
Kids groan, reach for candy.
Get pissed, drink more wine.

Kids wreck the your home as you sweat getting the Gingerbread house to stand.
Finally the house stands, with great fanfare tell the kids they can decorate it.
There are 2 gum drops and only peppermints left, they ate the rest of the stuff. 
The kids fight over who gets the last two gumdrops.
One licks both of the gumdrops, effectively claiming them.
The other falls backwards on their chair.
The Gingerbread house falls down again.
Get pissed, open a second bottle of wine.

Pull out the candy you saved for their stockings.
Jerry-rig the pieces of the house together with staples, and toothpicks.
The kids have lost interest in decorating the house, they are now wrestling

Let the kids eat the rest of the icing, and the candy you pulled out.
Drink wine with your friends wondering why the kids are going crazy.

Finally feed the rest of the house to the dog, something you should have done in the first place.