Some of my favorite ways to piss people off...

Don't you just love pissing people off?  Sometimes when I have a day where everyone and everything is pissing me off, it's fun to go out and piss other people off.  Here's a few favorites:

I love to get in the fast lane and do the speed limit.  I mean it is the fast lane and if the speed limit is 55, isn't 55 the fastest you can go?  Then I mouth, "The speed limit is 55," as they roar past me in the slow lane.



Sit and wait for 10 minutes in my car in a parking lot with a car behind me.  Then wave to some nonexistent person and drive off.

Stand in express line at the grocery store and act like I am counting items in everyone's cart.  Then make sure I have over 25 items when I check out.

Roll down my window in my car and yell at the guy honking behind me, "Jeez, let me finish my text!"

Telling my kids "No," when they say, "Can I tell you something."

Telling my kids, "Hi Hungry," when they tell me they are hungry.  Then they say, "I'm mad," and I reply, "I thought you were hungry."

Tell someone I don't know that she really is glowing with the aura of pregnancy.

Wait until I see someone going for that last cantelope, then grab it before she gets there, then smile at her.

Don't use my turn signal, then wave and mouth, "Love you," to the guy flipping me the bird.

Explain that my little dog's poop is the same size as all the goose poop that litters my neighbor's yard.

Say to my friends, "Can I ask you a serious question?"  Then say, "Never mind, it's not important anyway."

Houston We Have A Problem - Apollo 13 Live at Milton Rhodes Center for the Arts

No wait, that wasn’t said right, “HOUSTON, we HAVE a problem.”

I had the joy of taking 3 boys to see Apollo 13 Live at the Milton Rhodes Center for the Arts last night.  Created by Kip Chapman and Brad Newstubb, this was a live take on the mission of Apollo 13, a story of bravery and quick thinking from 1970 that brough 3 astronauts home despite major complications.  When you first check at Rhoades center, you are welcomed to Houston, given a console badge or a press badge.  The waiting area for the show was filled with memorabilia from that mission and our country’s space problem, which meant giving the boys a history lesson as we looked at old pictures, watched old footage, and touched artifacts.

This show is meant to put the guest right in the middle of the action.  Guests are seated in either press seats around Mission Control or in front of a console in Mission Control.  Either way you feel a part of the action, once the show begins, you are treated as part of it.  The best seats, a little bit more expensive, but well worth it, are the Console seats, giving guests a chance to work buttons, speak lines, or become part of a TV interview.  Jason White and Sam Berkley are great as commanders while Ashleigh Hawkins provides some awesome comic relief as himself.  Of course, Gareth Williams as Walter Cronkite was a great way to get information out and keep the show moving along.

One lucky guest was chosen as the “third” astronaut for the mission.  It was great to watch them think they were coming in for a show, then put with actors, Ben Van Lier and Byron Coll as astronauts and play a astronaut for the length of the show.  The show happens around you, the best entertainment in  the expressions of audience as they were called to play parts they didn’t know they were playing, how they ad libbed when asked a question.  One of my favorites was to our astronaut, Mary Beth when asked  “So how much training have you had for this mission,”  and her answer, “Well Walter, very little if nothing.”  She was also great acting when they were in an antigravity situation.  Our audience went from hesitantly saying lines, to everyone jumping from the chairs and cheering with each success.  This is a show you can very easily get caught up in.

The script was well written from the news stories brought to us by Walter Cronkite, our astronauts on screen, and the events of Mission Control.  This is a great time for the family, and to show how much the boys liked it, one commented at the end, “How did they get back from outer space so quick.”

Apollo 13 Live is running in Winston Salem through February 10^th.  Seating for the consoles is limited, so get your tickets early.  Visit their website www.apollo13live.com

Cool or Cruel?

I just read an article about a "pastor" who wrote a note on a receipt that said, "I give God 10%, why should I give you 18%"  The article explained that the pastor was part of a group of 20 people and that the waiter at the restaurant had already added a tip of 18% to the bill with an another line for "additional tip."  The "pastor" then put a 0 in the line for additional tip.

Leading with this caused several different questions to come to mind, made me wonder did we get the whole story?

He added 18%.  In my book if a waiter decides that he/she is going to automatically add the tip, then they add what they get.  If they take the chance and don't add the tip, then usually I am generous.  Do systems now automatically add in a tip with groups over 6 people?  Or did the waiter have the choice to add the tip or not add the tip?

Since when do we automatically add 18%?  Traditionally, 15% was automatically added to large parties, with the notion that if the service was good another 3% was added, if the service was excellent another 5% was added.  Why are we automatically rewarding possible mediocre service with a "good" tip?  If you choose to work for a living as a server, then your tip should reflect your work ethic, if you know you are doing a great job, leave the tip blank.

Since when is a tip ever guaranteed?  TIP - to insure prompt service.  Just like everything else we're guaranteed to win even if we don't put in the work.

Scribbling on receipts has become a trend, where people can still remain anonymous and voice their opinion without any repercussions.  Just like posting comments on the internet.  This pastor probably didn't realize that his scribbled receipt would become a news story.  Makes you wonder if the leading part of the story is that he a pastor that gives 10% to God or that he didn't tip the waiter.

So what are your thoughts?  Should tip be automatically included?  Should it now automatically be 18% when it used to be 15%?  Do you give your 10% to God - do you do it as willingly as you tip the waiter for service?

By the way, another big lesson learned - there's always people watching, whatever you do may end up on the Internet.  Think twice before you react.

Ain't Nobody Got Time For DaT!

 I've been having fun with the Sweet Brown Meme with my kids, we decided to put together a list for you.

Here's a list of things I don't have time for:

10.  Please stop 25 feet behind the school bus when the lights are on red.

9.  To preserve your equipment, please eject the USB device prior to removal.

8.  Slow controlled turns help you ski down the mountain in control.

7.  Please wait while your movie is buffering.

6.  "So and so wants to be your friend on Facebook."

5.  "Would you like Windows to install critical updates?"

4.  "Please allow time for the urine to pass through the test window.

3.  "Please take time to read and understand the license user agreement?"

2.   For best flavor, please allow time for the beer head to settle.

1.  Sleep, ain't nobody got time for that!

Words for the Week - Give Yourself A Hug

Give Yourself A Hug

Four simple words with a big impact on your week.  You know what?  It's OK to be you, in fact there is no one else out there exactly like you - you are unique.

"Be yourself, everyone else is taken." - Abraham Lincoln

Accept everything that is you.  Laugh at some of the things you do.  Make a mistake, tuck it away and simply move on.

We try too hard to be perfect.  You know what, so do I.  But if I waited for anything to be perfect, I'd have nothing to show, because nothing is perfect.  So give yourself a hug and be who YOU want to be, not what others are expecting.

Think about it.

Hugging is fat free, organic and sweet with out the sugar.

Hugs are inflation proof and require no advance payment or installments.

A hug for 20 seconds releases oxytocin, a hormone that makes a person trust you more.

Hug reduce stress, in a study, couple who watched a movie holding hands and hugged at the end had much lower stress levels than those who didn't.

So for the next week, give yourself a hug because you are amazing.  Give others a hug because that part of you is special to them.  

Have you hugged yourself lately?

My 50 Shades of Points

You know you and I HATE all the sex jokes, I mean cum on people!  Here's a honest list on how to please your better half.

10.  I actually pick up dog shit.  Yes, I know he was the one saying we really didn't need a dog, but rather than arguing, I pick up the dog shit.

9.  We have come to an agreement, I don't smell any article of clothing of the family to see if it is dirty.  period.

8.  I can watch a football game and give a better commentary then most ESPN anchors.

7.  I have no problem eating wings, or potato skins, or a big steak.  You'll never find me saying, "oh, I'm sorry - but I'm not sure that bowl of chili was made with grassfed, organic, sunshine loving ground beef.  Heck, I even enjoyed a Skeeter-dog at Skeeter's Hot dogs."

6.  I can take it in the butt, I mean, loving all those high butter, full of salt sauces he loves to cook and suffer for the next few days because it is worth it.

5.  I do not nag.  I get even, once they understand that  - enough is said.

4.  I am pleasant.  No, I am not talking about to look at (though, well, never mind) I actually smile when he walks through the door.  Not the 1950's dressed with my makeup repaired and pearls on smile, a "well lookee here, another adult is in the house.  Time for some real conversation."

3.  I do not expect him to act like the dudes in my romance novels.  Oh, did I just let out that I read romance novels?  Ooops.

2.  I do not make him go to the circus, or the Fair, or Disney World.  Sometimes it's much easier to do this myself than listen to 6 hours of, "how much are we spending?  should they be eating that?  do I have to ride on It's A Small World AGAIN?"

1.  If it is my idea, I run with it.  Pulling another person down, "well it seemed like a good idea at the time" is not a pleasant experience.

Hitting that edge...

My son had a spout of syncope.  We were sitting and watching The Aristocats and next thing I know he's on the floor in front of me.  I help him up into a chair, explaining that he simply got up too quickly, not enough blood to the brain, so his body lays him out on the floor to facilitate the blood to where it needs to go.  He freaked out, I remained calm.  He's got a scrape on the chin, a bruise on the cheek and a busted lip.

First rule of what you should not do - go to WebMD and research what just happened.  This is almost like reading the last chapters of What To Expect When Expecting, because it doesn't say - he needs iron, he's dehydrated it immediately talks about heart problems and brain seizures.

Why did I even read that,  I let my guard down and went to that bad place.

That place where you sit and think, "things have been too good.  the other shoe has to drop sometime soon, doesn't it?"

First thoughts are, "What have I done wrong?"  Have I fed him enough vegetables?  Has he gotten enough calcium.  Why am I not more like my friends that feed their kids the right diet?  Do I even have any vegetables in the house?

Having already been through the pain of losing people I love - any time someone gets sick, or there is a change in my body - I go to the worst possible place.  I see the WebMD illness, not a simple flu.  Sitting in the ICU with them.  The coward in me doesn't want to have to go through tragedy again - the endless consults with doctors, the waiting for treatment to begin, the helplessness of witnessing their fear and the debilitating knowledge that you can't do anything about it.  I see yourself back in that hospital, making those decisions that control someone else's life, and then living with the consequences.  

Then I feel guilty that things are good.  I expect something has to go wrong, that for some reason I deserve it.  I tell myself that we are fine, but I sit and wonder all night - checking his breathing just like when he was a little baby and I couldn't believe God gave me this amazing creature, it couldn't be true!

But they are fine, it is a simple episode, life for them merrily goes on.  So I do what Moms do,  you take a deep breath and pull myself away from the edge and continue on.  I hold them as close as I can, then let them loose smiling as I take one more look over that edge then walk away.

Do you ever go to that edge?