Oh That D*mn Bubble!

OK, I hate talking on the phone.  It usually goes like this.....

My phone rings, I look at it.  And sigh.
Watch it ring.
Wonder, "Do I really feel like talking to them?"
By the time I realize I don't like talking on the phone, it has gone to voicemail.
They send me a text.
I answer the text

Now to my pet peeve on texting.  Iphone, you are turning me into a crazy person.

I am obsessing about that texting bubble.  Obsessing to the point that I actually yell to my phone.

Texting to me is like talking to the person.  It is something that should be answered in a reasonable amount of time.  Most of y friends realize this, but those few that do not.

I send a text to a friend.  Asking if they want to do something.
I see the word delivered.  So I KNOW they got it.
They don't respond.

Here's my conversation with my phone, in the middle of the grocery store:

Why don't you respond?  I know you received the text.
I know you GOT IT.
Just answer the question!
Why aren't you answering?

Then there is the maddening little blue bubble:

I send a text to a friend with an Iphone.
It says delivered so I know they read it.
I wait anxiously for a reply.
My heart skips a beat when that little blue bubble pops up.
They are replying!  They are replying!

Trouble starts when I see that little bubble pop up

And nothing happens.

I watch my phone for the bubble again, my mind hits overtime.

Why are they not hitting send?
What are they typing.
Is it something mean?
Maybe I should text them again.
No, that's over texting
Oh, there's that bubble again.
WHY AREN'T YOU SENDING, I SEE YOU TYPING.

Throws phone down and starts walking away.

Beep from phone says text was received.

Go back with anticipation, then bummed it was a different friend texting.

Start the cycle all over again.

Texting - the Mom Edition

Since I am no stranger to my iPhone, and I thought I've become pretty savvy with texting, thought I would share my Momisms when it comes to texting.....

WTF - Wow, that's fantastic.
WHTF, Wow honey, that's fantastic.


DYHM - Did you hear me?
DYHM :-?  Did you hear me AGAIN?

ALBTM - A little bird told me.  As in, ALBTM WTF!

WUYFCH - Wait until you father comes home!

:-( )   You're not wearing that to school, stop sending out selfie pictures.

BC Because as in BCISS Because I said so.  :-()  BCISS

(^^)   Did you brush your teeth?

MILF - mother I'd like to friend

( *  * )  I't going to snow today

TAIN  - The answer is no.

IDK - I-denta-Kid  Awful picture on IDK, (^^)

LOL - Little Old Lady.  Met a MILF she's LOL

JB  - Just because.

CYA - See Ya!  or some Moms say Cover Your Assets

JBISS - Just because I said so  as in.  JBISS WUYFCH

E - E  - enough is enough

FML - Family Medical Leave - as in, Did you FML?

1....2....3   :-(  I'm going to give you to the count of three.....

SAM  - stop annoying me!

ROFL - Reaching Our For Love as in WTF ROFL!

ILY - you should know this one.


Do you have any new Momism texting Terms?

Some of my favorite ways to piss people off...

Don't you just love pissing people off?  Sometimes when I have a day where everyone and everything is pissing me off, it's fun to go out and piss other people off.  Here's a few favorites:

I love to get in the fast lane and do the speed limit.  I mean it is the fast lane and if the speed limit is 55, isn't 55 the fastest you can go?  Then I mouth, "The speed limit is 55," as they roar past me in the slow lane.



Sit and wait for 10 minutes in my car in a parking lot with a car behind me.  Then wave to some nonexistent person and drive off.

Stand in express line at the grocery store and act like I am counting items in everyone's cart.  Then make sure I have over 25 items when I check out.

Roll down my window in my car and yell at the guy honking behind me, "Jeez, let me finish my text!"

Telling my kids "No," when they say, "Can I tell you something."

Telling my kids, "Hi Hungry," when they tell me they are hungry.  Then they say, "I'm mad," and I reply, "I thought you were hungry."

Tell someone I don't know that she really is glowing with the aura of pregnancy.

Wait until I see someone going for that last cantelope, then grab it before she gets there, then smile at her.

Don't use my turn signal, then wave and mouth, "Love you," to the guy flipping me the bird.

Explain that my little dog's poop is the same size as all the goose poop that litters my neighbor's yard.

Say to my friends, "Can I ask you a serious question?"  Then say, "Never mind, it's not important anyway."

Is your cell phone dumming you down?

Now that everyone has decided that the only way to communicate is through text on cell phone, we've abandoned all semblance of decency as we let our phones take control.  We're creating our own code of talk and it's dumbing us down.

Normal phone conversation:

"Hey girl, can you believe those storms last night!  Wicked!  How is it going?"

"Oh yeah, I was up listening to the thunder, I love it.  Doing pretty good this morning, busy day ahead."

"Really?  What do you have going on?  Want to meet for lunch?"

"I've got several big meetings at work, then my refrigerator is bare so I've got to do something about that."

"I know the feeling, my family sometimes thinks I'm trying to starve them into submission."

But since texting, we've dumbed down all of our conversations so a normal conversation now turns into this:

"Hey, how u?"

"Fine, U"

"Lemme c, gotta hit the grocery store.  dislike."

"Ugh!"

A normal conversation full of words longer than four words would stimulate our brains wouldn't it.  A texting conversation has no substance and leads us to consistently misspelling words in daily life to save time.  I watched a teenager fill out a job application and under prior experience, she penciled in LOL.


With all the cellphones autocorrect, it's become commonplace to proposition anyone anywhere and get away with it.

Normal Conversation:

"Did you get the story I wrote and approve?"

New Conversation

"Sex in the potty a for you and me?"

The recipient of this text is not surprised at the proposition, his phone does the same thing when sending back a reply.  Actually, he's already translated what autocorrect did to the text and reads it to say, "Did you get the story for you and me?"  May not be totally correct but he understands there isn't anything remotely near the potty for the two of you.   People are now used to seeing the words, sex, poop, homophobic, meniscus, and other words as normal part of texting.

I'm trying to remain smart about this, trying to actually call someone and have a meaningful conversation in English without the word sex slipped in.   And a few of my friends when I do actually call them, their voice is bewildered on the other end (we still use phones for talking) as they answer with, "Yo, how u?"

Is your phone dumming you down?

Where did my smartphone find the word, "Cunni...."

My best friend and I are two pretty well educated broads, we’ve been hanging out together so long we can almost read each other’s mind. This comes in very handy when our smart phones decide to dumb us down a little bit. It started with the conversation about where to have dinner. There’s a great feature on phones where you can talk into the speaker and it will write the text for you. This is wonderful when you are trying to finish a text and the light turns green and some jerk behind you don’t have the patience and is blaring his horn! Doesn’t he realize we’re not supposed to text and drive. Back to this wonderful feature. So, we’re thinking of some place to eat…..

“Where are you thinking about eating?” Is what I tell the speaker to type.

Free panties is what pops up on the screen. After the second try, it types what I want it to type. (how did it come up with free panties from that? Did it know that the dog has eaten all but two pairs of my underwear?)

She replies, “I’m not sure what are you in the mood for?”

“I want seafood but don’t know where it’s fresh,” is what I want to say.

I win seafood I don’t know if there’s 1 thing. I’m fresh. Is what the phone comes up with, why yes I am feeling fresh when all that’s left if my sock drawer is two pairs of thongs (darn dog!)

She replies, we could try the Full Moon or we could go downtown. “It’s been a while since I’ve gone to the Full Moon.”

It’s been a while since I’ve been to the phone,” my phone thinks that I simply obsess about it all the time, I guess.

I’m thinking that seafood sounds good, now I want to convince her to come downtown. “When was the last time you had seafood?” I say into my phone.

Tiny cc comes out. What the heck? I try again. Secret my phone spits out. I wonder if there is someone down at Verizon that sits typing up these text messages laughing as he send crap on a creek for come pick me up.

There’s a rash of people thinking that everyone’s an alcoholic out there every 5 seconds from the text messages that fly across “smart” phones these days. There’s two great features, this speak to text that seems to really like the word “cunniligus” for almost everything you say into the speak. Why that word? Why can’t it be “cantelope” I still think there’s a pervert over there at Verizon intercepting what we speak in there and replying with “free panties” or “scope the dork.” Then there’s the SWIPE feature, that’s supposed to make it easy for you to swipe your fingers across the phone and it will make the word for you. Here’s a nice example of a text I received using the swipe feature, “Jen said she would take nous nut they would have mote fun ay home til they go” and “Places ate center that weekend. Hsu maybe you and Jeff could meet us and stay on boat Sunday noghy.”

Luckily for us, we can pretty much read each other’s minds (there is a rumor around town about the two women with three kids seen together all the time) and without the air of the speak to text feature on our phones, we’re able to schedule a lunch together at the seafood place downtown. It only took both of us pulling over by the side of the road somewhere to get our fingers out and let them do the walking. Or it’s a conspiracy theory to get us to finally hit the call button on our phones and actually talk to each other like human beings! What do you think?