WTF - Do not make me go there!

I've explained to my children that I am a sweet, wonderful girl.  They, however have sucked the sweetness out of my until I resemble this old crone, pointing a finger at them saying, "You!  You did this to me!"  How did they do it?  Let me start my list.

Mothering moment of the day.  I don't know what I hate more, folding laundry, matching socks, or putting it away.  But coming back to my folded laundry and finding that someone was "looking for something" and DESTROYED it?  So what did I do?

I went into their room, taking each piece of clean laundry, folding it into a ball and throwing it at them.  "No, I'm not folding it anymore.  Why should I, you just ball it up and leave it on the floor anyway."  Oh, that they were laughing while dodging clean underwear - well, that didn't help.

Where Is such and such?  Seriously, do you think because I am the only one in this house with boobs that they will automatically point to the object you are looking for?  Especially when you push your favorite pair of pants under your bed.  I'll automatically know where they are AND take them and wash them?

Do not even think of asking me to find something when you are late for school.  I can safely say that if they ever recast the movie Rumplestilkskin, they have a leading character in me!  If it is the, "Oh, I forgot my school project,"  to "where is my belt, my pants are falling down," don't spring things on me at the last minutes.  Don't especially tell me 2 minutes before we are due to walk out the door that you don't have any "clean" clothes.  They are clean, you just let them fall into balls on the floor and didn't pick them up.  If the dog has peed on them but they have not been in the washing machine since I last washed them, in my dictionary - THEY ARE CLEAN.

Newsflash - when you leave an empty container in the refrigerator - there isn't some fairy that appears magically filling it back up.  That is true for:
Yogurt containers  (Seriously, who leaves the empty yogurt container in the fridge WITH THE SPOON IN IT?)
Ice cream containers
orange juice
Danimals
Jello

The last roll of toilet paper is not the lost scroll of Amenhotep.  Touching it will not make you go blind. There are a few things you do in the bathroom that may accomplish that.

And if you really want to piss Mom off, leave the empty box of Butterscotch Krimpets in the pantry.  When I sneak in there at 10pm, and reach for it and find it EMPTY.

"Aaagh!!!"

Now that you are old enough, there are few things I will not do:
I don't pour glasses of milk.
I don't put dishes in the dishwasher
I don't smell socks to see if they are clean.
I will NEVER, I repeat NEVER pull your finger (you learned this from Daddy)

There you have it, I've lowered my standards because you've lowered yours.  Here's what I'm doing:

I'm throwing the pile of laundry on your bed until you can't stand it and fold it yourself.  (see how you like turning every single T-shirt right side in!)

I'm hiding a plate, utensils, and cup for me (you're resorted to finally eating off the counter because everything has disappeared into your room.

I'm hiding the toilet paper to make sure A, there's always some for me and B. You don't know where it is.

Oh and that bullhorn I just bought.  Well you'll find out about that tomorrow morning.

And finally, I'm leaving the seat DOWN after I pee.

Don't mess with Momma!