Clearly the OMG Christmas Gifts!!

Gifts I do not want for Christmas:




1.  The Wine Rack - a combination sports bra and wine holder.  I'm assuming this is only for red wine as the cubes in the white could have your puppies barking - giving it away as you try to sneak in from the tailgate.  And at only $9 you know you can put cheap wine in your rack and not feel guilty.

2.  Thumb War Arena - I love playing thumb wars, but putting it into an arena?  Seriously.  I'll still win and make them feel worse when we record the match.

3.  A boob creamer - I love cream in my coffee and I don't really care to know where it came from.  But a squeezable Boob Creamer?  Honestly, It should look like an udder not a boob, unless during your breast feeding days you want to fill it with, well, never mind.

4.  Butt Putt - a farting putt putt hole, complete with all the sound effects.  As a mother of boys, I really don't need anything else in the house that farts and plays with balls.

5.  Nose Pencil Sharpener - I don't like anything up the nose, hence why I will never do drugs, but sticking a pencil up there and twisting just seems twisted to me.  Especially if the pencil comes out sharpened but with a nice green gooey substance all over it.

6.  Please, please buy me the Santa's Farting butt pillow - it would be perfect!

Now, how to accept a gift you do not want:

1.  Sharp intake of breath - this makes them think that they took you by surprise.  By getting EXACTLY what you wanted.

2.  Wide eyes with sharp intake of breath - show surprise that they were so thoughtful that they picked the PERFECT gift for you.

3.  Mouth in shape of an O - this tells them that you are having hot flashes over the gift, hold your breath and your face with turn red enhancing their experience.

4.  Put everything down and look seriously at them - with a "how did you know" type look.  How did they know to find that perfect gift.

5.  "You shouldn't have"  This is partially true, they will not understand it until they find their gift sitting under the tree next year - regifted.