Bubble Girl

It usually ends with the shit hitting the fan.

Many of my friends already know, many will find out eventually, some may never know but I’m the bubble girl. I’ve got this bubble around my mind that doesn’t process any information remotely looking like drama. John Travolta in the Bubble Boy could not let any type of disease into his world, I’ve decided that I cannot allow any type of drama. Most times it works out very well except for the usual cases.

Take Jena and Eilieen, two good friends both friends of mine whose names have been changed to protect the innocent. They got into a fight the other day because Eilieen overheard from Sara that Jena thought Eileen was “full of herself.” What exactly does “full of herself” mean? Beats me, but it sure did make Eileen mad, so she goes and starts getting her revenge, she starts saying that it’s obvious that Jena got some botox, and that Jena won’t admit it. Here’s where it’s advantageous to be Bubble Girl. I never heard that Eileen was “full of herself” and I’m not even sure what that means. If they told me how much they hated each other it was probably over margaritas where my mind was blissfully into, “gee, this tastes good---oh, why are they yelling at each other? Oh well, lookee here there’s another one.” Someone tries to pull me into the mess with the botox statement. What is botox and how can you tell if someone’s botoxing, is that even a word? I see both ladies on a regular basis, unaware that a feud the size of the Hatfield and McCoys is going on, not noticing that my friends are either at “Jenaville” or deciding to stay with “Eileenville” – I’m in the bubble and the bubble is Switzerland. They start pushing each other over who started the whole thing and who’s going to order the next Long Island Iced Tea. My other friend, Betty who enjoys being right in the thick of things plays Oprah for a little while until both women with tears in their eyes, hug and tell each other that they love each other. My wonderful friends then say, “We’re sorry to drag you into this.” I simply nod, not sure what they are talking about but ready to accept that wonderful makeup Margarita they’ve ordered.

I can be at a concert, totally unaware that someone next to me is trying to sell illegal drugs to everyone including me. My bubble sees a very nice man that is talking with me about the concert, what? What is that? Oh, I’m watching the concert, no I’m not interested in brownies – don’t you know they make you fat? Have you met this really nice man on my other side? He said that he’d like to get past me and take a good look at those brownies. My friends say, “Why didn’t you move away as the cop was arresting the guy?” I’m bubble girl, “What? Why would he be arresting him? You can’t sell food at a concert?”

Another concert not staying in my bubble got me in trouble. There I am, just like everyone else, enjoying the Hammond B3 organ and mandolin when my girlfriend says, “Did you notice that girl checking you out?” “Me? Why?” I look over and as if she’d gotten some type of clue she’s at my side, talking about the concert. What a nice girl, she’s explaining all about the different instruments, pointing out the lighting. My friends come with a sigh and steer me in a totally different direction, leaving my new friend looking awfully mad. Back to the bubble.

Which brings me back to my apologies to my friends, I am the bubble girl. It takes candid conversation with me if you want to get your point across. I don’t do nuances, I don’t do half truths, and I definitely don’t do drama. There’s no waiting for me to catch onto something because odds are that I never will catch, my mind is so far into the clouds that it will take a nuclear fallout for me to stop and think, “gee is something wrong?”

The good news is that there isn’t any family drama, because I’m unaware of any drama going on. There isn’t fights between friends because I’m not aware I’ve pissed someone off, they usually stew about it waiting for some type of rise out of me and when they don’t get it they soon forget about it and move on their own merry way. There’s no watercooler talk because I don’t work in an office, maybe a little Facebook chat talk but it’s about nothing and usually there isn’t anyone involved.

My bubble is full of sunshine, and unrotten fruit, dresses that still fit, and eyes that don’t need glasses. It constantly plays upbeat, jazzy music, and smells like honeysuckle – because you know what, if you step outside of it and let your mind focus on gossip, bad news or feelings then things like that can take you over. So, I for one will stay in my bubble, listen when the listening is good and stay out of the way of drama. How about you?