Man oh man

One of the leading news stories this morning was about a bill introduced to outlaw words with the word "man" in it. So colleges cannot call their incoming students "freshmen."

Seriously?

So what are they, fresh people, or fresh crowd, or fresh human beings? Or we just go with the obvious, "students."

In this city do they have police people? And personholes? Do they have peopleowars washing up in the beaches?

They say that the move is to keep women from being offended by the use if the word MAN. Seriously, was anyone really worrying about this?

Here's what I picture. City councilman, I mean city council person sitting behind a very large desk, "my constitutes, don't worry our unemployment, I'm sorry, our unemploypersonent rate is 16.9%, we need to work on hiring more word police taking THE MAN out of everything."

It is these things that not just make you sigh, but make you slap your head saying,"MAN oh MAN". Oh, I'm sorry, "PERSON oh PERSON."

The Hobbit - An Unexpected Journey

I've read the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings 4 times.  The first time I read it as a teenager, I cried at the end of the Return of the King.  Not because of the ending, but because the author was not writing any more books - that was it.  I've been feeling the same way with the Lord of the Rings movies, and very excited to see The Hobbit - An Unexpected Journey.

Since I am such a Tolkien junkie, I shelled out the extra cash and watched the movie at The Grand IMAX 3D adventure bringing my two children - 11 and 8 years old.

Rants and Raves gives this movie 4 RAVES - a great adventure, keeping close to the stories in the book, and where they added it was a nice tie in into the beloved characters of the Lord of the Rings.  Many of the same actors in the trilogy return for the prequel.

The story of Bilbo Baggins Unexpected Journey with a gang of 13 dwarves to the Lonely Mountain to slay a dragon and return a home, is not just visually stimulating, but the conversations are quick and sometimes funny, the content not overwhelming with the introduction of characters and setting of scenes.  What I particularly loved about the movie was the references to The Lord of the Rings, how watching the other movies and reading the books, they did a great job of tying it all together.

Gollum in this movie shows his more sinister side, where in Lord of the Rings you almost felt sorry for him.  You understood in the first how corrupted by the ring he was, and being away from it for a while softened him a bit.

The dwarves in this movie were fantastic.  I never in reading the books ever thought a dwarf could be good looking, but the casting in the movie actually made a few of them pretty sexy.  Taking cue from Aragon, they created a prince that you enjoyed looking at while rooting for.  There was a lot of comedy between the dwarves that helped make the fights between the Orc, Goblins and trolls much easier.

I did not give this 5 stars just due to noise, the IMAX theatre totes that it immerses you in the experience but they didn't need to blow your ears off as part of it.  Boys, who are used to video games, mp3 players with headphones that said it was too loud, meant it really was too loud.  I made ear plugs out of napkins for the boys and that helped them with the movie.  Also, the 10 minute Star Trek preview on top of 4 other previews was really not necessary on top of a 2 hour 46 minute movie.

So go see the Hobbit, An Unexpected Journey - IMAX or not.  If you are a fan of the movies or the books or both - this is a great addition to the journey.

Playing at local theaters including the Winston Salem Grand 18 in both 2D and 3D IMAX Adventure.

Snot.....

I cannot breathe, my nose is beeping - another term my children use for throbbing.  And it is producing a copious amount of snot.

Isn't that lovely word - snot.  Wikipedia (and we all know that everything is true on the internet) defines snot as a "slang term for nasal mucus."  I'm not sure which sounds worse - snot or mucus?  Either way, if you could make money off of snot, I'd be a millionaire right now.

Did you know there was a band named Snot from 1995-1998?  A group of musicians actually got together and said, "What should we name our band?"

One of them, holding a tissue says, "I don't knowb but my nobe is full of snot."

"Snot!  That's perfect!  We'll be rich and famous."  And so the story goes.

In England, midshipmen were called "snotty?"  I don't know, but with all the work involved with keeping a ship "shipshape," I'd probably feel a little snotty too.

LEGO even had a snotty term, called SNOT.  "Studs not on top" was what it meant, and if you are like me your mind immediately traveled into the gutter now didn't it?

Finally there's how I feel, like the dog Snots on National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - a veritable factory of snot, leaving a white used tissue trail of crumbs so my children can find me in the house when I am deliberately hiding from them.

Snot is meant to trap particles of debris and keep them out of your bodies.  As they dry into boogers, figure that the boogers contain things that you smell during the day.  My son likes to say if you smell a fart then it sits in your boogers, which is why it is a bad idea to eat your boogers.  I like the logic.

So excuse me, I've got a box of Kleenex with my name written all over it.  Do you love or hate snot?

Do Your Children Play THESE Games?

My kids have made up their own games.  In case you have younger children, here's some insider knowledge on how to play their games.  These are the same children that pose angelically next to me in all the photos I post to Facebook.

The Wrong Answer - My youngest will ask the oldest a question.  It doesn't matter what the question is, "How are you," "Do you want me to give you twenty dollars," or ,"Is your hair really on fire."  What does the oldest come back with,

Your face

Seriously, he answers everything the youngest says with Your Face.  My first thought is, what does that mean?  Your face.  Then as he says it over and over again, I start to get annoyed.  The youngest continues to ask the same question over and over again, always getting the answer, "your face."  I turn in the car and look at both of them thinking, "How did they get such good grades at school, when they probably answered every question on their test with Your Face."

Stonewall Game.  They will be sitting RIGHT NEXT to each other, usually in the car and my youngest says, "Wolfgang,"
He doesn't answer him.
"Wolfgang"
Yes, they are sitting right next to each other and he acts like he doesn't hear him.
"Wolfgang."

Does the youngest stop and do something else?  No he continues to sit there saying his brother's name over and over again until I swerve the car off the road, avoiding the ditch and turn around and scream, "PLEASE ANSWER HIM."  Say anything, even Your Face just acknowledge the kid!


Come And Get It - this game they play involved anything they both are trying to get to.  Elevator buttons, Wii controllers, certain chair at the breakfast table (yes, we do have four)  When it becomes apparent that we are going to the elevator, table, car - there's a WWE smack down right in front of me as the older one throws the youngest to the floor as does a Carl Lewis type sprint to the desired object.  Periodically he can be tripped by the youngest along the way, but if the youngest makes it to desired object, then the oldest will throw him out of the way with a "your face."

MINE! - The youngest will have a desired object - pencil, paper, DS, dog - and if the oldest one wants it, he immediately takes it out of his hands.  The youngest will scream, the parent will scream, "give it back" and then the wrestling begins.  Usually the only object that survives this game is the dog, and she's gotten smart enough to hide when she sees a child coming toward her to pick her.

The Room Key - this game is a lot like a combination of Keep Away, and I want it.  The room key hits the front desk and usually the taller one has the advantage of grabbing it first.  They then wrestle to the elevator with the younger one crying that it was "his turn" to use the key.  I stand in the elevator acting like I don't know the children as they fight all the way up to the floor.  Finally down the hallway to the door, where the oldest attempts to use the key and it doesn't work.  I wait patiently as he continually says, "I got it," and the door will not open, luggage digging into my shoulder.  Finally we realize the key has been de-magnetized in the fight and someone has to go back down to the desk and get a new one.

I Dare You - this is a game my husband and I play.  I've gotten very good at this one.  They boys will start with an argument, that then turns into the sounds of elephants playing downstairs, with a lot of grunting.  My husband starts by looking at me, then going back to his computer.  Looking at me again, as I am oblivious to the noise (yes, I know it's another one of their games) Finally like me playing the Stonewall game, he can't stand it anymore and says, "Shouldn't one of us go down there?"

To which I answer, "Your face."





shouldn't you go stop that


Tell your borther to get up, son screams, "GET UP

Pinterest - sucking on that great teat of my time!

Have you been over to Pinterest yet?  I’d say don’t go because it’s one of those black hole places on the Internet that is a huge mouth that sucks all the time out of your life.  “Oh look at this beautiful picture on Pinterest, what?  It’s already Christmas again?”  Of course, I have to tell you to go to Pinterest because then you’ll see all the COOL stuff I’ve found and put on my bulletin boards.

It started, just like any other new Internet site with a little peek in there, “wow look at this, oh, I could try that recipe, hey that’s a really funny quote.”  Pinterest like all the other sites, then sucks you in my creating a username for you and before you can say Pinterest, you’ve got an account.  It doesn’t stop there, I’m sure Pinterest is out in the blogesphere shouting, “Hey!  Did you see Kelly Melang is here?”  Because, the next day I start getting emails, “So and So is following you on Pinterest,  hey, another person in following you on Pinterest.”

Sidenote here:  I must be a pretty cool person to get so many followers on Pinterest so quickly right---you didn’t hear me say that.

So with over 60 friends following me, my first thought is not, “wow that’s a lot of followers” but “Holy Crap, my Pinterest boards are EMPTY.  I gotta get some Sh*t out there, I mean my following awaits!”

Here’s the second way Pinterest sucked on the great teat of time, you can spend the rest of your lift looking for badges, or making badges to make your board look COOL!  

“Did you see that eggshell craft Maria put up on her board?”

I think, “Really, a crummy eggshell craft, didn’t you see the making your own ink and paper craft on MY board?”

My other friend, “I saw a funny quote, ‘Run like you stole it.”

“THAT’S FUNNY?  I could so shut that board down with the quotes sitting on MY favorite quotes and places board.”

So I figured that 5 Hour Energy was created to help us Pinterest freaks, it helps us through that maniacal hour of trying to find just the right pin for my “In My Mind” board that makes it PERFECT!  Buwahahahah!

So pin away friends, and if you haven’t seen Pinterest yet, get ready for the great sucking noise as you log in as time slips away, but don’t forget to check out my AWESOME board!  Are you letting Pinterest suck away on your teat of time?