Who doesn't love winter weather!

There's a few reasons why I love the snow so much.  Here's my list:

11.  Everyone's snowman looks pathetic.

10.  Snow covers up all the yard work you were supposed to get to all the other seasons of the year.

9.  My nipples really do look much better in colder weather.

8.  Snow clothes make everyone look fat, even the skinny b*tches.

7.  My children will actually go outside to play when it snows.

6.  Driving in the snow is fun, even if you are sliding out of control toward that wall.

5.  Skiing and drinking go together.

4.  You can always convince one kid to test the cold weather/flagpole theory.  Usually it is the same one every year.

3.  Running doesn't seem as bad when running through the snow, until you have that heart attack in the driveway.

2.  You can find your way back home by following your footsteps.

1.  Covering up let's me do the "No shave November" thing for winter.

Why do you love snow?

WTF - Ebola and The Doctor's Office

So I have a sinus infection.  I know I have a sinus infection.  I wish I could just call CVS and say,

"I have a sinus infection.  I'm coming in to pickup antibiotics."

But no, you have to go to the doctor.  You must pay your $35 co-pay, wait 45 minutes for them to look up your nose and say, "Wow, you have a sinus infection."

It was different today when I went to the Urgent Clinic.  We are now in the age of Ebola.

Everyone in the waiting room looked up at me as I walked through the door, I know what they were doing.

They were gauging whether or not I have Ebola.  They were checking me out to see if I looked like I had a fever, or I was projectile vomiting with diarrhea.

Their staring makes me stop at the door, "I have a sinus infection," I mouth out loud to assuage everyone's fear.  I wonder if I should tell them I took the "Do you have Ebola" test online and was thrilled when it said I did not have ebola.

Sitting down, you'd think we're all playing a big guessing game, "Who's the sick person here."  Not me, I just have a sinus infection.  They seem on edge, that's when I notice the poor dude in the corner wearing a mask.

Why does he have the mask on?
Does he have ebola?

I sit and fill out paperwork, if I have any pooping problems, how many glasses of wine I drink (I was referring to the week I was sick) if I am on any ongoing medication (does wine count?)  I wish I could just write, "I HAVE A SINUS INFECTION!"  All over the paperwork. I feel the sneeze and cough coming, immediately grabbing a tissue.

You think I'd just infected everyone with ebola, the horror on their faces.  I look around pointing to my nose, mouthing, "Sinus Infection.  I only have a sinus infection."

Two ladies, after giving me a disgusted look, grab some hand sanitizer (like that will help from ebola.)


I sit and wait with my raging headache, my puffy sinuses, Kleenex in hand.

Until the next person walks into the office.

Just like everyone else, I look up and stare at him.

He doesn't look like he's been from Africa.
He doesn't have a mask on.
I wonder what's wrong with him.
Could he have ebola?

How to get your family moving on a cold day!

The night before by playing Frostbite Queen and lowering the thermostat to 62 degrees.

Conveniently forget all the things you do for them:

Turning the heat back up when you get up.

Starting the coffee.

Turning on the shower to warm it up.

Start your day by sticking your feet out from the covers until you cannot feel them.  Bring them in and place them firmly on your significant other's bare back.

Use all the hot water for your shower.

Pull the blankets off of them and march downstairs - blankets still in hand.

"Lose" one of their slippers.

Stick your hands out the window for 10 minutes then run around touching your children's bare skin, it will make dressing for school a lot quicker.

Guess what, they'll be glad marching out the door for school!

Snot.....

I cannot breathe, my nose is beeping - another term my children use for throbbing.  And it is producing a copious amount of snot.

Isn't that lovely word - snot.  Wikipedia (and we all know that everything is true on the internet) defines snot as a "slang term for nasal mucus."  I'm not sure which sounds worse - snot or mucus?  Either way, if you could make money off of snot, I'd be a millionaire right now.

Did you know there was a band named Snot from 1995-1998?  A group of musicians actually got together and said, "What should we name our band?"

One of them, holding a tissue says, "I don't knowb but my nobe is full of snot."

"Snot!  That's perfect!  We'll be rich and famous."  And so the story goes.

In England, midshipmen were called "snotty?"  I don't know, but with all the work involved with keeping a ship "shipshape," I'd probably feel a little snotty too.

LEGO even had a snotty term, called SNOT.  "Studs not on top" was what it meant, and if you are like me your mind immediately traveled into the gutter now didn't it?

Finally there's how I feel, like the dog Snots on National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - a veritable factory of snot, leaving a white used tissue trail of crumbs so my children can find me in the house when I am deliberately hiding from them.

Snot is meant to trap particles of debris and keep them out of your bodies.  As they dry into boogers, figure that the boogers contain things that you smell during the day.  My son likes to say if you smell a fart then it sits in your boogers, which is why it is a bad idea to eat your boogers.  I like the logic.

So excuse me, I've got a box of Kleenex with my name written all over it.  Do you love or hate snot?

How to stay warm on a cold winter day......

Living closer to a ski resort, we've learned quickly and early that staying warm is essential, espeically when you have small children.  Keeping children warm decreases the "whine" factor and makes the outdoor experience more pleasant for everyone!  Here's the basics of layering:

Start with the right base - a good moisture wicking base layer is a MUST!  This keeps the chill of sweat off the skin and the warmth in for maximum comfort.  There are many different brands and we find that the inexpensive as well as the expensive work just fine.  Make that base layer a turtle neck and you're doing even better.  Brands like Champion and UnderArmor make great base layers that move sweat away from the skin and hold the heat in.

Thicker warmer layer, this is your fleece or your wool, something thicker and warmer to hold in the body heat.  The first layer is thin and designed for wicking and warmth, the second layer is designed more for warmth.  Think of a light fleece with a zipper front, if they get too warm they can always unzip it and let some cooler air in.

Top Layer is protection from the elements - this layer is your waterproof layer, holding out rain and snow and snizzle and other types of condensation.  Without a way to seep in close to the skin, the body stays warm in the layers under this protection and maintains a nice comfortable temperature.  If out skiing or boarding, think of the ski/board coats as they have a "snow Skirt" a snap in the bottom, closing off the bottom of the coat from any draft or snow.ice.rain finding it's way in.

Depending on the temperature, you can always add or shed layers as needed, the most important is that base layer, without that, you've got a miserable day ahead.  Additional elements of being comfortable include several other essentials:

Neck Warmer - this is a nice little fleece number that encircles the neck, include one with a head covering built in and you're set!
Liner gloves and gloves - liner gloves are like the base layer, holding in the heat and trapping it between them and the outside layer of gloves. 
Face Mask - if you don't like the neck warmer, the facemask is a great way to cover the face from the elements and help keep chapped lips and crying children at bay.
Top Layer, the Cool T-shirt if you are a snowboarded or have a small child, the top layer is a T-shirt of their favorite skate shop because to them it's all about looking cool and not worrying as much about being cool!

So enjoy that nice cooler weather and have fun outdoors.  There is no such thing as being cold only inappropriate attire!