WTF Spring Cleaning

The snow has melted, now I am confronted by the disaster of my house. You see, when the snow is on the ground there's always, "Let's go out for a few runs, I can clean up later."

Spring is here.

-----Insert sobs of despair right here.

Disclaimer: They are sobs not that ski season has ended, but now I actually HAVE TO CLEAN!

This year though, I am motivated. I started with telling the boys that they had to clutter clean their rooms. They look at me like, "What?" I say, "Go through your drawers and pull out anything you do not wear, our house is too small to hold onto anything."  (except my books and office supplies)

"Make three piles, the NOT SURE, CHARITY, and TRASH IT pile."

I come back downstairs, and there are three piles, larger than me in the middle of the downstairs floor.

Where did it all come from? Their rooms aren't big enough to hold that much shit.

What the hell am I going to do with it?

I ponder tossing a match into all three, not asking which is which and walking away.

Then I think, "I could leave the front door unlocked, posting a 'Rob Me' sign on the front door" adding, the piles are downstairs, oh, and take that pair of jeans that don't fit but I keep in case one day they finally will. Upstairs dresser, 3rd drawer down right hand side."

But we live on a pretty deserted road and I'm too lazy to post "Rob Me" adds on Craigslist, so I need better options:

Ditch the house, move out in the middle of the night? Wake up in a new town in a clean house alone?

Naw, ditch the house, move out making sure I take my box of wine under one arm and the dog under the other?

I could start in a new town, one that still has snow and is extending their season?

For some reason, I think I would miss them, there has to be another way.

Wait! I could sign us up for Hoarders, then someone else will clean my house and PAY ME to do it!  Why didn't I think of this earlier?

Sadly, we don't quality for Hoarders, I even showed them under my teenager's bed and they still turned me down!

My boys try that teenager reverse psychology on me, "You are the only on seeing this as a mess, look at it as art."

What?

I look at my wine box, thinking I could be part of the problem. I could drink a couple glasses of wine and miraculously, the piles of clothes would turn into leaf piles and we'd all have fun jumping into them?

Naw, I can't have my eyes removed, I lost my rose colored glasses, they are piles of stuff that need to go.

So I try a different approach on them,

"Listen, I think it is time to throw out everything that doesn't bring me joy." They look at me funny, I add,

"these massive piles of clothes, the three boxes of protein bars I will not eat, that bottle of Fireball,

Oh and maybe the Xbox and

TWO BOYS."

You'd be amazed at how quickly those piles of clothes disappeared.

But, wait, I have boys.

Where did they put them?

Oh look there's three massive piles of clothes hidden in the corner of the garage.

Here we go again.