Crab Eating Etiquette

Now us Marylanders know how to eat some crabs.  And bringing my Southern friends to a crab feast made me think about crab eating etiquette (there is a really bad joke behind this but I'll keep it clean today) because they broke the first rule of crab eating:


You do not interrupt anyone when they are right in the middle of pulling out a huge chuck of back fin (white meat) with a question.  Especially, "Why do you eat these things?"

A person's vinegar/butter/Old Bay dipping ramekin is their personal property.  We do not share this because we are spending a time double dipping with each delicious find.  If that gives you the heebies with chips and dip, stay far away from the dish in front of a crab eater.

Do not beat the crab to death - AGAIN.  It is already dead, you do not have to kill it.

No, we do not give away our claws, they are our claws, and some usually save them to the end.  Do not ask, "Are those for me?"  Because they will be polite and say yes, then kick you out of the moving car LATER.

You can tell a newbie to eating crabs by how many paper towels they go through.  Great crab eaters wait until the end, lick off the Old Bay and THEN clean their hands.

Crabs do not talk when they are dead, do not pick them up and apologize to them before eating them.  Really, they can't hear you.

Do not believe a word we say, especially when interrupting us with questions, we'll answer like, "Sure, go ahead and eat the green stuff - it is the best part of the crab, all the minerals and sh*t."

Yes, we drink cheap beer, the cheaper the better (Natty Boh anyone) it just does not look right to take a small sip of Stella with Old Bay crusted fingers, leaving a reddish swipe down the bottle.  Now on a small cheap mug of Natty Boh - it looks perfect!  Don't look shocked when we lick the red swipe of old bay/crab grease from the side of the mug - it tastes great mixed with beer.

Do not use words like, "Ewww" or "Ugh" or "Yuck" when eating crabs - you will not be invited back.

Knives are for clearing guts out of crabs, not cutting your Caesar salad or buttering your bread, like condiments they are personal property until the crab eatin is done.

And finally, yes, your fingers will smell like Old Bay for the rest of the night - when you see crab eaters sniffing their fingers and smiling, they are simply reliving the experience.

And finally, do not get mad when we neglect to tell you to wash your hands before wiping your eyes/nose/other parts.  Everyone has to have that newbie Old Bay sting experience.  You'll laugh at the next one.

Anything missed Maryland friends?

Disclaimer:  If you came here looking for ways to get rid of your crabs, That Grey Area is not responsible for any bodily harm.  This page is intended for the crab eating crowd, not the crowd getting crowd....that's another post......later.