That was Then This is Now

Looking for my reading glasses again made me come up with some ways my life has changed since finally hitting that OVER 21 MARK!  You can always add your own to this growing list:

I used to walk into a room and forget why I went there, now I surf to a website and wonder why I went there.

We used to have girls night out where we talked about guys, now it’s girls night out and all we talk about is our different medications.

Used to be sunglasses found on top of the head, now it’s always reading glasses.

Sports bras were a necessity to hold everything in, now they’re a necessity to hold everything UP!

Children should be seen but not heard, now if I don't hear my children, I’m not worried.


Used to make wonderful creations in the kitchen, now it's searching for my reading glasses to see the back of the package for directions.

Don’t make me have to come over there, now it’s don’t make me have to get out of my chair.  (yes, I am getting slower)


My children used to scream for me from another room, now they TEXT me from another room.  (still doesn't work)

It used to be “honey, I have a headache,” now it’s “honey, it’s past my bedtime.”


Used to be........ as the drug of choice, now it's coffee, the only thing safe enough for my system AND will keep me awake.

People used to live vicariously through me, now I live vicariously through reality TV Shows.

I used to make my children nap, now I explain to peopled, “Thomas Jefferson took a nap every day,” as I fall asleep in my chair.

On the edge, and holding tight!

One of my favorite quotes is, "Life isn't about pulling slowly at the grave without a ding or dent on the body, it's about coming in with a screeching halt, full of dings and dents, on one wheel screaming, 'Man, what a ride!"

This quote tells me not to hold back because, holding back means regrets and I don't subscribe to these.  This also gets me in trouble when I choose a path because it intrigues me and halfway down I wonder, "What the hell was I thinking" but keep going.  I stood on a beach wondering, "they want me to run into the surf and do what" at the beginning of a race, when at the end it wasn't pretty but as I crossed the finish line I thought, "hell if I survived that, I can do anything."

This quote always put me over at the edge, which reminds me of another quote - stay over at the edge, every where else you're simply taking up too much room.  The edge has me writing that story, or that piece and tucking a small piece of my heart in it, giving it a kiss then letting the world to see - then being strong as criticism comes back.  It helps me to hide my editor and do what I want to do, even if there are people out there that don't like it (how'd they get there?)  This edge means writing or falling off, and I will choose writing every time.

How do you find your edge?  Move forward in your life until there's the slight feeling of being uncomfortable, your brain and instincts are nudging you with a slight "fight or flight" feeling and you've hit it.  If you are getting ready to start something and find that you're shaking, yup, you've found it.

We all know life is short, hell we hear that all the time.  Arrive at your grave with the dings and dents exclaiming what a ride, everyone gets passed in the slow lane.  Where's your edge?

What do you get when you mix TSA with Children?

Rules for traveling with children:

Be completely clear with your children - put the bag down must be followed by a "pick it back up and put it on the security belt."  Otherwise you'll spend 30 minutes explaining to TSA that you left a bag by the security belt followed by the full body cavity search.  (Jeff was very excited.)

Champagne is considered good breakfast food when traveling with children.  It made the full body cavity search a little easier and when the people turn around and yell at your kids to "stop kicking their fing seat" you can just look at them and laugh.

If you have some free time in the airport, hang at the moving sidewalks.  Enjoy watching your kids run back and forth falling each time as the sidewalk ends while saying to the person next to you, "who's kids are those?"

No matter how many electronics - DVD players, iPads, iTouches, DS's you have, it is much more fun to wrestle in their seats for 5 and a half hours kicking the seats in front of them while you sip on champagne!

The size of the drink sitting in the cup in front of you is directly related to the number of times your children will kick the tray in front of them and almost spill it.

"Why did they make the shades go up and down on the window, if not to move them up and down?"  You say with a smile and champagne in your hand to the businessman asking they stop putting the shade up and down.

Once the plane arrives at the gate the ding of the bell is a signal for kids to try and get to the front of the plane even if that means pushing all women and children and businessmen out of the way.

Bags?  They are meant to hit everyone on the way out of the plane, not for packing things.

Politely ignore the comments that most are thinking but no one is saying, like, "what smells so bad." or "why isn't this line moving faster," or "that lady with the purple bag is holding up the line."

The joy of arriving without divorcing your spouse, or with one less child combined with the excitement on their faces when they see the snow covered mountains - yeah, it's worth it!

What are your rules for the road when traveling with children?

What Skeletons are in YOUR closet?

I feel that I have to come clean, this stomach bug that I have makes me feel as if I am about to die so in order to make it in front of St. Peter, I’m spilling the beans

1. I refuse to eat Okra, its gooey inside reminds me of, well, you know.I took Splenda from Panera, yes, I did it.  I justified it with the thought that since I just paid 3.52 for a cup of coffee I can add 4 extra Splendas to my pocket to bring the tally a little closer to even.
2. Sometimes I don’t listen to my children because honestly, with some of their stories, I really don’t care.  I do always listen to my husband.  (I think he actually reads my blogs)
3. I still eat Captain Crunch and Twinkies even if I pretend to be ultra fit in my eating habits.
4. Life goes a little easier at night with a glass of wine.
5. I still have a few books left over from my foray into into erotic writing, complete with one of my favorite bodice ripping romance novel of all time.
6. I don’t get the draw of a lot of Classical Literature, give me a good old Stephen King anyday.
7. I have an addiction to office supplies, show me a new pen made from recycled plastic bottles and I’ll have a Big O.
8. I hate people who workout much less than I do and say, “it’s hard to find a size 2 these days,” while I work my ass off and in the morning it’s come back to visit me with fat friends.
9. I will pay another $15 when Fast and Furious 15 comes out because to me it’s money well spent.

Well I feel much better now, really, my stomach is feeling much better.  So much better than I’ll follow this list with the disclaimer that none of it is true.  Do you have any “untrue” confessions in your life?

I am the Queen of Pins!

Continuing my Pinterest addiction, I thought I'd share some great pins for your boards, because I'm bored!!  Ha ha!  Had to add my thoughts too....

Ahhh, I never thought of poison....Buwahahah!

I know a few people who could take this advice!

And THAT is why I gave up the singing career.

Maybe one day we'll actually find it!

Why can't I come up with combacks like these?

My son may not write any notes but he's a prodigy in my mind.

Wonder if either of them would pass?

Of course this after a drunk John Barrymore got caught with his wienie in his hand in the Ladies Room!

What would you do with a battleship?

Know a few people like this too.

Nothing like beer goggles!

So have some fun pinning and if I have you a little smile, then it's a job well done!  What comebacks would you add?

There's a dumb virus going around!

There’s a slight case of dumbness going around right now, and it’s infecting everyone I know and love.  It starts with my friends, I’m in the Supermarket filling up the cart when I run into a friend doing the exact same thing, she smiles at me and says, “Hey, what are you doing here?”

I look at both of our carts full of Lunchables and fruit and boxed wine and reply, “Uh, trying to keep my family from starving?”  What does she think I’m doing?  I’m going to fill this cart up, take it to the checkout then run as fast as I can out of the store?

It moved from my grocery friends onto businesspeople, this was an actual conversation I had when the electric company for a condo I own called me to pay my electric bill.

“Can we update your billing address,” she sounded American on the phone.

I give her my address and phone number, she repeats them back, I say, “Can you tell me how much I owe or can I pay that now?”

She says, “I cannot give out that information to you.”

I’m dumbfounded, “what?  But you just put in my address and telephone number?”

“Yes.”

“But you can’t tell me how much the bill is?”

“I cannot give out that information.”

“But you can mail it to me and I can mail it back?”

“Yes.”

“But I cannot get that information and PAY IT over the phone?”

“Yes.”

Seriously?  Gee, you’re a freaking ELECTRIC COMPANY and I am trying to PAY YOU?  Yes, I’m part of the Terrorist Group - “Let’s pay everyone’s electric bill” Jihadists?  Still waiting on the electric bill in the mail.

Now, it’s infected my family, I tried to keep us Smart with the Wikipedia Sanitizers, the Word of the Day from the Dictionary.  We’re on our way to the mountain for some snowboarding time and my son asks, “Where are we going?”

I look over at him in the car, I want to say, “Hey idiot is there lights on up there,” but I say, “Where do you think?”

He looks dumbfounded.

So I say, “We’re heading to China to visit your cousin, Lauren.”

“Really?”  The one in the back pipes in.

Oh Lord, the dumb virus spread much quicker than I thought, wait, what was I talking about?

Nothing Like Cheap Sunglasses

If you don’t spend a lot of money on an item, you’ll always find it.  Case in point, my $2 pair of sunglasses from the Dollar Store (yeah, I know how could they be $2 at a DOLLAR store, right?) that I think are possessed.

I bought them one SUNNY afternoon when I forgot my $100 Oakleys and didn’t want to have a traffic accident.  They are a lovely white glasses with purple circles on them that at first glance could be called hideous.  Many of my friends I saw that day took a second take, not at the stylish outfit I was wearing but why I chose such an ugly pair of glasses to go with it.

The $100 pair of Oakleys?  Disappeared, the ugly pair took my cool pair and hid them from me.  Whenever the sun is shining, I reach into my purse looking for a pair of glasses and there they are, the black albatross that I put on my face.  Running out of the house, the ugly pair of glasses appear next to my car keys when I could have sworn I saw the nice pair of sunglasses on my child’s face as he walked by me.  The ugly pair is holding the cool pair hostage in some dark corner of the house-duct tapped and handcuffed.

I don’t care about fashion (that’s what makes me stylish) so I wear the Dollar Store glasses with pride hell, usually-it’s all I got, except for the one time (at band camp) they actually MATCHED what I was wearing.  Oh, I did find the Oakleys, they were in my car when I sat on them-I think the Dollar Store glasses put them there.  Buwahahah

Do you have that hideous, cheap pair of reading, I mean sunglasses that you can always find?  Or are you still holding out hope that the expensive pair will show up again?