Things that you will never hear a mother say:
“Wow, this is the first time in a year that you cleaned out under your bed? That's where all those clothes went! I can’t wait to do these 16 loads of laundry.”
“That’s fantastic that your field trip is today and you need an orange shirt. Hold on I’ve got an orange sharpie and a white T-shirt, give me about an hour.”
“What? I didn’t say clean the WHOLE deck? Oh, that’s OK, I’ll go back out there and clean the stairs for you.”
“Oh, that’s not what you wanted for dinner. Let me run this next door to the neighbors so I can start on something you really want to eat.
"You know what? I hate doing laundry, and you're right, you do not have enough clothes. Here's my credit card."
"Here, I'll give you whatever you want, please stop crying."
“Oh you don’t like the 85 dollar shoes now? That’s OK, I look really good in neon Michael Jordan high top basketball shoes.”
"No, no, you go ahead and buy those coins on your game. I don't need to buy groceries this week."
"How many times do I have to tell you to keep that door open. I am trying to air condition the neighborhood."
"Oh honey, if everyone else is doing it, then absolutely, you MUST do it too!
“I love the exercise I get when you let the dog out and she takes off down the street. I feel my legs getting stronger.”
“Oh good, that laundry smells like feet. I’m glad I got my sense of smell back.”
"Honey, can you come and dig that Lego out of the bottom of my foot. I think it took part of my callous off."
"You know, that red Icee you spilled on my carpet has given them a lot of character!"
“It is so nice to have the monthly alarm of the smell of pee reminding me to clean the toilet in the boys bathroom.”
“What? Oh honey, I wasn’t sleeping, I just had my eyes closed.”
and finally,
"Yes, you're right. I didn't realize it. I am made of money!"
