What do you get when you mix TSA with Children?

Rules for traveling with children:

Be completely clear with your children - put the bag down must be followed by a "pick it back up and put it on the security belt."  Otherwise you'll spend 30 minutes explaining to TSA that you left a bag by the security belt followed by the full body cavity search.  (Jeff was very excited.)

Champagne is considered good breakfast food when traveling with children.  It made the full body cavity search a little easier and when the people turn around and yell at your kids to "stop kicking their fing seat" you can just look at them and laugh.

If you have some free time in the airport, hang at the moving sidewalks.  Enjoy watching your kids run back and forth falling each time as the sidewalk ends while saying to the person next to you, "who's kids are those?"

No matter how many electronics - DVD players, iPads, iTouches, DS's you have, it is much more fun to wrestle in their seats for 5 and a half hours kicking the seats in front of them while you sip on champagne!

The size of the drink sitting in the cup in front of you is directly related to the number of times your children will kick the tray in front of them and almost spill it.

"Why did they make the shades go up and down on the window, if not to move them up and down?"  You say with a smile and champagne in your hand to the businessman asking they stop putting the shade up and down.

Once the plane arrives at the gate the ding of the bell is a signal for kids to try and get to the front of the plane even if that means pushing all women and children and businessmen out of the way.

Bags?  They are meant to hit everyone on the way out of the plane, not for packing things.

Politely ignore the comments that most are thinking but no one is saying, like, "what smells so bad." or "why isn't this line moving faster," or "that lady with the purple bag is holding up the line."

The joy of arriving without divorcing your spouse, or with one less child combined with the excitement on their faces when they see the snow covered mountains - yeah, it's worth it!

What are your rules for the road when traveling with children?