WTF - Signs, Signs, Everywhere a Sign....

Call my car the Mommobile, the Kidcar, the TestosteroneTaxi, I spend a lot of time roaming around Winston Salem and have come across my share of signs that usually have me shaking my head saying, "WTF?"

There's a strip bar off of 52 by our house.  OK, I'd better clarify that it is FAR away from our house.  But I just passed it and the sign said, "Now hiring smiling faces."

Wait a minute - do you guys REALLY look to see if they are smiling?  Or is that some kind of code?

Picture Earl and Stanley sitting while Shirley is showing her experience:

"Earl, is she smiling?  Earl?"
"What?"
"Smiling, we're hiring smiling face, EARL!"
"What?"

Then, on the way to my son's elementary school, there's a BAR---OK the bar is FAR away from the elementary school, but close to the church (we are in North Carolina) and the name, get this

is Benders.

There's no guessing what people are doing at that bar.  It's call Benders with a sign that says, "We accept brown bags."

So I'm thinking of the conversation:

"Sheila, I've had one helluva week at work, let's go out for a drink."

"How about the Winston Salem Social Club, Angela?"

"Oh no, tonight is a night for Benders."



Another sign that had me wondering was a local garage:

"Free brake check."

It makes me think, if they are coming in for a brake check, then everyone better jump out of the way because the car will keep going and take the back of the garage out.

A few favorites along the way:
Did you know Taco Bell was hiring all shits?
And an art gallery said, "Don't touch yourself, let us do it for you."
My son's favorite, "McDonald's juicy black anus burger."

Finally, my Favorite sign is in a little town.  There's a deli and a store called B.J's Fine Apparel.  Yes, you can all laugh about the B.J's fine apparel but someone typed up a sign and left it in front of the deli.

"This parking is for the deli only.  Parking for B.J's is behind their building."

After I stopped peeing myself laughing, I simply shook my head and said, "What the Friday?"

I am getting old - Vajazzle?

Sometimes you are taught things that stick with you, or should I say stick on you.  Today I learned about Vajazzle - and I thought you, dear readers could help me process this information.

Vajazzle,  definition please.

Vajazzle, a new form of body art where decorative jewels are fastened to the vagina.  So here's where I'm a little stuck----pun intented.

How are the beads stuck to the vagina.  Are they super glued and therefore have a short shelf life, or are they permanently attached, where your beautiful butterfly vajazzle turns into a hawk with a fish hanging from its beak due to gravity?

Are the beads smooth?  If they are real jewels, with values and edges, then do they get stuck on stuff?  What if you have to go to the bathroom really bad and your panties are stuck on a vajazzle---do you rip them or rip, well......

And what about the fun we like to have, not just vajazzling?  Will it cut you?  Will it cut them?  What if a bead falls off during the process, if it has value - who gets to keep it?

I am assuming from the pictures I've seen, vajazzling requires no hair.  Wouldn't it be cool to create a fairy vajazzle, where the jewels are little fairies peeking out of the bushes?

If you are smooth as a baby's bottom for your vajazzling session - how do you stay smooth?  Tweezers?

What about the single girl and the vajazzle?  How do you explain that to the new man in your life, "Prepare to be dazzled!"  I can only imagine the look on his face on your wedding night when he sees your vajazzle of black and white "Just Married!"

I so enjoy my time at the OB, so much so that I think I need to spend a few hours with someone I don't know staring intently at my hoohee holding tiny little jewels?  Yes, that will make me very comfortable.

How did they come up with vajazzling.  Did someone look at their bedazzle kit, naked, then look at their vagina and think, "I need to staple a few of these beads there, wouldn't THAT be FUN?"

When these exciting new trends surface, they remind me that I am getting old.  Old because my vagina looks pretty good as is, I don't need to vaginercize it into shape, nor do I need to vajazzle covering up a few wrinkles.  I am lucky to have a great man in my life that thinks my personality sparkles enough.

But I can't help but think, what's next boobazzle?

Tittazzling?

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