Life's a Beach - Would you like Tomato with that SANDwich?

I am a mountain girl.  Give me cooler weather, less humidity and specifically NO SAND.  I swear, sand can get everywhere at the beach.  Here's a few facts about sands:

If your baby has chubby rolls on their body, the sand becomes like glue, no amount of bathing will get the sand out of these crevices.

For some reason, babies are the only human beings on this planet that think sand tastes good.

There is always that kid at the beach that thinks it is cool feeding the sea gulls, and that child is directly in front of you----meaning, all the sea gull butts are pointed in your direction as they fight for that Frito.

There is a direct correlation between the amount of wind at the beach and how many kids with flip flops walk by your blanket.

There is another direct correlation between how much you don't feel like getting in the water and kids with sandy feet walking across your blanket.

Always, remember to applaud the lifeguard with everyone else at the beach when you child is saved, better yet make sure you hand your beer to your friend before you get up and run to the water's edge.

If you leave your chair unprotected, even for a few seconds, someone with a sopping wet bathing suit will plop their butt into your chair and soak it.

Remember that kid in front of you feeding the sea gulls?  That's the same kid that picks up his sand filled towel and times his shaking it with the huge gust of wind.

It is usually your child that throws off the pound of sand from their towel directly into the face of the person downwind from you - it is your job to act as if nothing happened.

Having wind at the beach helped us come up with some new terms for sand:

Sandbar - the swimming sand in the bottom of your cooler, that gets into your beer.

Cheese Sandoodling - the sound of that crunch of the cheese doodle covered with sand.

Sandoo - this is a new type of hair sculpting done usually at the beach with wind and sand.

SANDwich - down South - a tomato, mayonnaise, white bread with a healthy dose of wind sand.

Sand Castle - that family that has to hit the beach at 436am to build their compound complete with the 200 dollar tent that no one is sitting under.

Sandfoliate - the act of exfoliating your skin while applying suntan lotion at the beach.

Sandpaper - no not the cheap roll someone bought at the dollar store, but the pages of your book once a big gust of wind blows through.

Most fun a Mom can have at the beach - when she is ALONE!

Happy Summer Days.

Crab Eating Etiquette

Now us Marylanders know how to eat some crabs.  And bringing my Southern friends to a crab feast made me think about crab eating etiquette (there is a really bad joke behind this but I'll keep it clean today) because they broke the first rule of crab eating:


You do not interrupt anyone when they are right in the middle of pulling out a huge chuck of back fin (white meat) with a question.  Especially, "Why do you eat these things?"

A person's vinegar/butter/Old Bay dipping ramekin is their personal property.  We do not share this because we are spending a time double dipping with each delicious find.  If that gives you the heebies with chips and dip, stay far away from the dish in front of a crab eater.

Do not beat the crab to death - AGAIN.  It is already dead, you do not have to kill it.

No, we do not give away our claws, they are our claws, and some usually save them to the end.  Do not ask, "Are those for me?"  Because they will be polite and say yes, then kick you out of the moving car LATER.

You can tell a newbie to eating crabs by how many paper towels they go through.  Great crab eaters wait until the end, lick off the Old Bay and THEN clean their hands.

Crabs do not talk when they are dead, do not pick them up and apologize to them before eating them.  Really, they can't hear you.

Do not believe a word we say, especially when interrupting us with questions, we'll answer like, "Sure, go ahead and eat the green stuff - it is the best part of the crab, all the minerals and sh*t."

Yes, we drink cheap beer, the cheaper the better (Natty Boh anyone) it just does not look right to take a small sip of Stella with Old Bay crusted fingers, leaving a reddish swipe down the bottle.  Now on a small cheap mug of Natty Boh - it looks perfect!  Don't look shocked when we lick the red swipe of old bay/crab grease from the side of the mug - it tastes great mixed with beer.

Do not use words like, "Ewww" or "Ugh" or "Yuck" when eating crabs - you will not be invited back.

Knives are for clearing guts out of crabs, not cutting your Caesar salad or buttering your bread, like condiments they are personal property until the crab eatin is done.

And finally, yes, your fingers will smell like Old Bay for the rest of the night - when you see crab eaters sniffing their fingers and smiling, they are simply reliving the experience.

And finally, do not get mad when we neglect to tell you to wash your hands before wiping your eyes/nose/other parts.  Everyone has to have that newbie Old Bay sting experience.  You'll laugh at the next one.

Anything missed Maryland friends?

Disclaimer:  If you came here looking for ways to get rid of your crabs, That Grey Area is not responsible for any bodily harm.  This page is intended for the crab eating crowd, not the crowd getting crowd....that's another post......later.

Great Father's Day Idea!

Father's Day is approaching and most of us know that our Dad's pretty much have everything.  They really don't need another soap on a rope, tie, pen - why not take a moment and create a really special memory for them.  Write them a letter:  here's my example:

Dear Dad:

Happy Father's Day!  Here's my Top Ten List of things that make you great:

1.  Softball - I still can't believe you coached my team for all those years - every single practice - every single game.  Sure, I knew with my coordination my best spot was right field.  You told me to do what I do best and each and every time I hit the ball and it fell in the dirt in front of me - I did what I did best, I beat the throw to first base.  You made me a runner.

2.  Diary - that first diary you gave me for my birthday made an impact on my life.  It was my place to write about all the mean 8th grade girls, and who I wished would kiss me down to how jealous I was when my sister got the EZ Home Baker oven.   You made me a writer.

3.  Summertime - Every single summer down the ocean was special when you'd come for the weekend - 6am mornings of crabbing, fishing (your lucky coins were always in your pocket) -  I'd watch you body surf all day long in the water.  I got pretty good at body surfing - well, except for the one wave that scraped the left side of my face.  You made me go long.

4.  Superbowl parties - you little condo stuffed to the gills with people for our yearly superbowl party.  You didn't care about the look of things, you simply enjoyed spending time with family and a great football game.  You taught me to keep it simple, it's more enjoyable.

5.  Danny Boy - every party always included a request for you to sing Mother Macree or Danny Boy, and you never turned them down.  Party, event, funeral, wake you stood took a deep breath and belted it out.  You taught me they won't remember if you were on tune, just that you sang.

6.  Cadillac Jack - a great testament is when one of your coworkers says, "Jack can sell ice to Eskimos."  You'd take me with you when buying or selling a family car - I got how it was done.  You taught me perserverance.

7.  Christmas - your favorite holiday, over St. Patrick's Day, you loved giving gifts, especially the "mystery gift" and even when I was older and you still thought I wore a size 0, I loved you saw me that way and everything you have me.  You taught me it is better to give than to receive, the look on someone's face with the right gift is precious.

8.  Florida - our yearly drive to Florida was full of "slap fights" tape recorded Star Trek episodes, bags of candy and cheap hotels.  I'm not sure what I loved more the drive to Disney World or the actual theme park.  You taught me patience.

9.  Keno - we both played our birthdays in Keno and it was the year I was 31 and you were 65, I played 6/29/65 and you played 6/26/31 - we both hit for a dollar because of luck!  We played again and lost it all, oh well.  I learned to

10.  Kenotherapy - there were hard times when you were sick, and I watched you joke through them even when you were scared.  I was right there by your side, and through your battle I learned to be strong, to make the memory in the now, to tell people you love them before you can't.  What I wouldn't give to hear "Danny Boy" one more time.

Thanks for being a great Dad, and teaching all these important lessons.  Enjoy your day because you are special.  Love you Dad.

Kelly

What would you write in your letter, why not write it right now and give it them so you can see the joy on their face?

Zombie Children Attack!

We were having such a great time on the beach when little did we know that there were Zombie Children, hidden in the sand dunes, waiting for just the right moment to attack!  And no, we don't know these people but couldn't help but snap a few picks to show the Zombie proof!  I didn't see any chewed limbs by these children but am sure that's what the hole is for.

Seriously, I understand that sun protection is a good thing, but at 3pm in the afternoon do you have to make your entire family look like Zombies?  We also nicknamed them the Casper family.

My son walked by these kids looked over and jumped back in fear, their white faces turned to him, their eyes vacant and their lips limp from all the Capri Suns their parents kept giving them.  He'd heard about the Zombie attacks in Florida and came over to ask me if there were Zombie's in Maryland.

Then when the photographer comes to take pictures of the family for keepsakes, do the parents wipe the 2inch layer of white paste off of their faces?  No, once a Zombie always a Zombie.

So beware now when you hit the beach, Zombies are everywhere and can come at any age!

Are you tubby or chubby or simply Jonah the whale?

There’s no better way to get to know a city than running a race through it. Want to do it cheaply, then simply plan a run along a route that travels the city. Today I ran through the streets of Ocean City and got to know the city in a whole new light. This city really appreciates the types of people visiting their fair city, it’s pretty evident in all the local businesses.

Are you hungry? Then they’ve got the goods for you! You can eat at some very nice all you can eat places called, Belly Busters, Chubbys, Tubbys, and Jonah the Whale. “Hey Earle, let’s do an all you can eat tonight, what’s the right one? I’m hungry. Chubby’s, now that’s the name of a place that will serve us well.” Of course if you are more part of the exclusive crowd, you can go with the ones that are code named, like the restaurant called, PGN – personally, I think this is code for “piggin” and they won’t let me in to find out. Just one glimpse of the clientele and I could find out if this is the “PGN” type. Not only will they fill your belly with all kinds of ribs, mac and cheese, and burgers for the “exclusive” conneusour, there’s the House of Chipped Beef with a wonderful sign on the front offers, “All you can eat chipped beef.” There was a line outside of the restaurant this morning, must be pretty good chipped beef.

If you’re not into the all you can eat, personally I don’t think I get my money’s worth on that one, you can then go to the fine dining establishments I passed on my way this morning. You can always stop at Hooters, which had a nice sign on the front that said, Special today – Fish Sandwiches, or you can go what I think is the more creatively named restaurant – Big Peckers. Get your mind out of the gutter, this is a chicken establishment – not choking but fried or grilled, whatever your choice. Who’s going to venture a guess at how many T-shirts they sell out of that restaurant. Finally there’s the wonderful Brass Ball Saloon, with another very apprapoe sign on their board, “We have crabs.” Would you need Brass Balls if you had crabs, that is the question you can answer with a visit to this restaurant.

If you are thinking of dieting, the clothing stores in Ocean City make you feel much better about your body. There’s the Coconuts Salon, selling just bathing suits to fit those just ripened to been on the tree way to long coconuts. If you don’t have the perfect body, you can always stop at 2 Dye 4 which has that great T-shirt of the perfect body to cover up what you got! Or you could always simply wear the Big Peckers T-shirt and call it a day.

If you get into trouble in Ocean City, there’s ABBA Bail Bonds for those that got carried away from the karaoke machine. The Anchor Bail Bonds for those trying to get out of town, and the 24/7 bail bonds for those that can’t see to tell the difference between night and day. Get into trouble with a middle aged man with a shotgun? You can always stop at Fidelity Bank and take out a loan to pay off the debt to her family or society.

Either way, there’s plenty for everyone here in Ocean City, we’re lucky it’s named appropriately because how would you know where to go? Any good business names you’ve seen in your travels?