Crab Eating Etiquette

Now us Marylanders know how to eat some crabs.  And bringing my Southern friends to a crab feast made me think about crab eating etiquette (there is a really bad joke behind this but I'll keep it clean today) because they broke the first rule of crab eating:


You do not interrupt anyone when they are right in the middle of pulling out a huge chuck of back fin (white meat) with a question.  Especially, "Why do you eat these things?"

A person's vinegar/butter/Old Bay dipping ramekin is their personal property.  We do not share this because we are spending a time double dipping with each delicious find.  If that gives you the heebies with chips and dip, stay far away from the dish in front of a crab eater.

Do not beat the crab to death - AGAIN.  It is already dead, you do not have to kill it.

No, we do not give away our claws, they are our claws, and some usually save them to the end.  Do not ask, "Are those for me?"  Because they will be polite and say yes, then kick you out of the moving car LATER.

You can tell a newbie to eating crabs by how many paper towels they go through.  Great crab eaters wait until the end, lick off the Old Bay and THEN clean their hands.

Crabs do not talk when they are dead, do not pick them up and apologize to them before eating them.  Really, they can't hear you.

Do not believe a word we say, especially when interrupting us with questions, we'll answer like, "Sure, go ahead and eat the green stuff - it is the best part of the crab, all the minerals and sh*t."

Yes, we drink cheap beer, the cheaper the better (Natty Boh anyone) it just does not look right to take a small sip of Stella with Old Bay crusted fingers, leaving a reddish swipe down the bottle.  Now on a small cheap mug of Natty Boh - it looks perfect!  Don't look shocked when we lick the red swipe of old bay/crab grease from the side of the mug - it tastes great mixed with beer.

Do not use words like, "Ewww" or "Ugh" or "Yuck" when eating crabs - you will not be invited back.

Knives are for clearing guts out of crabs, not cutting your Caesar salad or buttering your bread, like condiments they are personal property until the crab eatin is done.

And finally, yes, your fingers will smell like Old Bay for the rest of the night - when you see crab eaters sniffing their fingers and smiling, they are simply reliving the experience.

And finally, do not get mad when we neglect to tell you to wash your hands before wiping your eyes/nose/other parts.  Everyone has to have that newbie Old Bay sting experience.  You'll laugh at the next one.

Anything missed Maryland friends?

Disclaimer:  If you came here looking for ways to get rid of your crabs, That Grey Area is not responsible for any bodily harm.  This page is intended for the crab eating crowd, not the crowd getting crowd....that's another post......later.

Great Father's Day Idea!

Father's Day is approaching and most of us know that our Dad's pretty much have everything.  They really don't need another soap on a rope, tie, pen - why not take a moment and create a really special memory for them.  Write them a letter:  here's my example:

Dear Dad:

Happy Father's Day!  Here's my Top Ten List of things that make you great:

1.  Softball - I still can't believe you coached my team for all those years - every single practice - every single game.  Sure, I knew with my coordination my best spot was right field.  You told me to do what I do best and each and every time I hit the ball and it fell in the dirt in front of me - I did what I did best, I beat the throw to first base.  You made me a runner.

2.  Diary - that first diary you gave me for my birthday made an impact on my life.  It was my place to write about all the mean 8th grade girls, and who I wished would kiss me down to how jealous I was when my sister got the EZ Home Baker oven.   You made me a writer.

3.  Summertime - Every single summer down the ocean was special when you'd come for the weekend - 6am mornings of crabbing, fishing (your lucky coins were always in your pocket) -  I'd watch you body surf all day long in the water.  I got pretty good at body surfing - well, except for the one wave that scraped the left side of my face.  You made me go long.

4.  Superbowl parties - you little condo stuffed to the gills with people for our yearly superbowl party.  You didn't care about the look of things, you simply enjoyed spending time with family and a great football game.  You taught me to keep it simple, it's more enjoyable.

5.  Danny Boy - every party always included a request for you to sing Mother Macree or Danny Boy, and you never turned them down.  Party, event, funeral, wake you stood took a deep breath and belted it out.  You taught me they won't remember if you were on tune, just that you sang.

6.  Cadillac Jack - a great testament is when one of your coworkers says, "Jack can sell ice to Eskimos."  You'd take me with you when buying or selling a family car - I got how it was done.  You taught me perserverance.

7.  Christmas - your favorite holiday, over St. Patrick's Day, you loved giving gifts, especially the "mystery gift" and even when I was older and you still thought I wore a size 0, I loved you saw me that way and everything you have me.  You taught me it is better to give than to receive, the look on someone's face with the right gift is precious.

8.  Florida - our yearly drive to Florida was full of "slap fights" tape recorded Star Trek episodes, bags of candy and cheap hotels.  I'm not sure what I loved more the drive to Disney World or the actual theme park.  You taught me patience.

9.  Keno - we both played our birthdays in Keno and it was the year I was 31 and you were 65, I played 6/29/65 and you played 6/26/31 - we both hit for a dollar because of luck!  We played again and lost it all, oh well.  I learned to

10.  Kenotherapy - there were hard times when you were sick, and I watched you joke through them even when you were scared.  I was right there by your side, and through your battle I learned to be strong, to make the memory in the now, to tell people you love them before you can't.  What I wouldn't give to hear "Danny Boy" one more time.

Thanks for being a great Dad, and teaching all these important lessons.  Enjoy your day because you are special.  Love you Dad.

Kelly

What would you write in your letter, why not write it right now and give it them so you can see the joy on their face?