WTF - What The Friday - Woods of Terror?

How to make it through Woods of Terror - A Mom's Guide

Do not bring them to the Monster Parade if they are on the fence, you'll lose your general admission when they refuse to go in after being chased by a chainsaw wielding zombie.

Eat plenty of bananas the week before - potassium stops bruising which you will have plenty of from the hands of the kids behind you grabbing your arms in a death grip.

Use your Mom ears - the ones where you really don't hear the fighting in the same room?  That way you can waltz through the barrel hitting zombie miners.

Bring one of your child's dirty diapers - show it to the zombie women with a "you think that is gross, well lookee here!"

Wear gloves - it makes pulling kids through the confined spaces, and the cushions in the gloves make the finger sqeezing a little easier.

Things to remember:

You will be pushed at the zombie/monster/vampire first, we have taught our children that Mom will lay her life on the line for her little kids, they really believe that!

Set aside the sanitizer until the end - this is supposed to be scary - and thinking of the germs in all the different area - well, that's scary.

Don't look scared - or they will be scared.  Use scented panty liners and they won't smell you pee your pants.

It's really not that scary for Moms - some of the things we've seen teenagers do - now that is pretty scary.  Sit them down and tell them your stories - you'll have THEM running for the hills.

So I pulled several kids through some of the attractions, peed my pants (a little bit) but had a great time with the kids at Woods Of Terror!  Bring your kids and show them how Moms really can protect their little monsters from monsters!!

Lessons Learned About The Zombie Apocalypse - Woods Of Terror Zombie Mud Run

Yesterday I experienced the Woods of Terror Zombie Mud Run.  I realized this morning that I am fully prepared for the coming Zombie Apocalypse if I follow these steps:

1.  Always make sure you are the slowest person in the group.  The zombies will attack the fast people first giving you PLENTY of time to quietly slip by and survive.

2.  If you are the slowest person, trip the fast person in the beginning, this will give you plenty of start time to get out of the way.

3.  Most think the gamer is the person to bring, they have online experience with zombies - they are the best to bring because they've been in a chair for years - use them as bait

4.  Looking for your shoes in a mud pit - ain't nobody got time for that!

5.  Why worry about getting wet, dive in first - it cools your body temperature then the zombies cannot find you.

6.  Mud is your friend - camouflage my friends, camouflage my friends.

7.  Test out the garlic theory - eat tons of garlic the night before perhaps the smell coming from your skin will repel vampires AND zombies!

8.  If you are going to straddle and slide across a log over water - pick the one with less bark, certain parts of your body will thank you.

9.  Always have someone with you that has big boobs - for some reason they always attract the monsters AND make the men around them slow down - better your chances of getting away.

10.  Create a survival plan, make sure everyone is on board with it, then ditch it at the end, what ever goes according to plan?

What would you add to the plan?

Zombie Children Attack!

We were having such a great time on the beach when little did we know that there were Zombie Children, hidden in the sand dunes, waiting for just the right moment to attack!  And no, we don't know these people but couldn't help but snap a few picks to show the Zombie proof!  I didn't see any chewed limbs by these children but am sure that's what the hole is for.

Seriously, I understand that sun protection is a good thing, but at 3pm in the afternoon do you have to make your entire family look like Zombies?  We also nicknamed them the Casper family.

My son walked by these kids looked over and jumped back in fear, their white faces turned to him, their eyes vacant and their lips limp from all the Capri Suns their parents kept giving them.  He'd heard about the Zombie attacks in Florida and came over to ask me if there were Zombie's in Maryland.

Then when the photographer comes to take pictures of the family for keepsakes, do the parents wipe the 2inch layer of white paste off of their faces?  No, once a Zombie always a Zombie.

So beware now when you hit the beach, Zombies are everywhere and can come at any age!