A River Runs Through It - or How To Catch A Bush

Fly fishing for salmon in Alaska, who would have thought?   I’m picturing a River Runs Through it type fishing for us.  Beautiful pictures, the fly going perfectly above the water, someone cute like Brad Pitt as our guide.

Slim,(not the Brad Pitt Type) our guide did not know what he was in store for.  Standing there with his sport fishing sunglasses on, warm clothes, tackle and gear lined up - he's ready to catch some fish.  As I approach the boat,  we both look at each other think, “Oh hell.”

Did I give away my dorkiness when asking, “Do you wear your shoes inside the waders?”

That I came down to fish and forgot my fishing license?

That I am getting in on the wrong side of the boat?

That I mentioned I can play music on my iPhone while we fish?

Was it my sunglasses equipped with bifocals?

Was it how I fell into the boat loaded down in waders?

Or that I was dressed with 5 life is good T-shirts, one sweatshirt, a sweater, long under wear, a raincoat, and I'm still cold?

Did any of that give it away that I was totally out of my element?

I know he's look at me thinking, "I'm going to make a fisherman out of you."  I'm looking at him thinking, "Something smells funny."

We get in the boat as it starts to rain, I’m thinking - well, this is perfect, already I’m cold and now it is raining.  Not the perfect storm, we’re missing something.

Our spot was a chilly 30 minutes out, by the bank.  Due to our dorkiness, he probably didn’t want us standing in the water in our waders.  Slim is explaining the art of fly casting, I'm not listening,  I am wondering, "What is that steady hum behind my head?"  Slim makes sure I am listening this time, and has me cast a few times to show him I have caught on.  He moves over to help Jeff and I can finally look behind me at the steady hum.

Bad idea.

Welcome, a black cloud of mosquitos whispers as it hovers behind my face.  Like the arrows in the cartoon shows, they form a black arrow saying, "ATTACK!"  They land on the only exposed part of my body - my face, as a fish lands on the line.   I’m trying to reel the fish in while smacking around my eyes.  Slim, trying to toughen me up says, "Don't worry about them, they don't carry any diseases.  Just reel the fish in slowly."  I'm thinking, "I've become a human smorgasbord!  I feel like I am at the red cross giving blood.  One of the F*ckers just flew up my nose!"  I try to stay cool as he walks around with the net, reeling the fish in until finally he nets it.  I drop the rod and smack my own face, then look at the fish.  Well, it is a big one, I try to pick it up and a big trail of slime slips it out my hand.  Slim comes over with a club and starts smacking the fish as I watch.  Ewww.  Poor fishy.  That's a lot of  blood.  Ugh, I have to do it again?

I finally figure out how to cast as Slim yells, "There's a big wad of sockeye coming through, get ready!"    I’m waiting for it, waiting, throw out what I think is the best cast of my life and hook-

The bush behind me.

The fish are swimming by, thinking, "SUCKER!"  I turn around to walk back to the bush and my hook, the mosquitos thinking, "Look our dinner is walking right to us!"

I catch the tree behind me, the bush, some weeds from the bottom but also 5 sockeye salmon. I'm not going to admit to Slim that catching the fish was actually quite fun.   We head back in to meet up with the group and discuss our day.  Of course there’s drinks in the lounge first.  I walk back in and all the seasoned fisher people are looking at me strangely.

Probably because I look like Elephant woman, I’ve got welts above my eye, down the side of my cheek, and the little bastards even got the top of my lips!  I almost say, "I am a human, not an animal!"

A quick stop to buy the maximum DEET poison spray, a nice bug bucket mosquito net for my face, and gloves to cover every exposed part of my body.  

Now I understand why Alaskans call the state bird - the mosquito.  You watch out critters, tomorrow is another day.

Great Father's Day Idea!

Father's Day is approaching and most of us know that our Dad's pretty much have everything.  They really don't need another soap on a rope, tie, pen - why not take a moment and create a really special memory for them.  Write them a letter:  here's my example:

Dear Dad:

Happy Father's Day!  Here's my Top Ten List of things that make you great:

1.  Softball - I still can't believe you coached my team for all those years - every single practice - every single game.  Sure, I knew with my coordination my best spot was right field.  You told me to do what I do best and each and every time I hit the ball and it fell in the dirt in front of me - I did what I did best, I beat the throw to first base.  You made me a runner.

2.  Diary - that first diary you gave me for my birthday made an impact on my life.  It was my place to write about all the mean 8th grade girls, and who I wished would kiss me down to how jealous I was when my sister got the EZ Home Baker oven.   You made me a writer.

3.  Summertime - Every single summer down the ocean was special when you'd come for the weekend - 6am mornings of crabbing, fishing (your lucky coins were always in your pocket) -  I'd watch you body surf all day long in the water.  I got pretty good at body surfing - well, except for the one wave that scraped the left side of my face.  You made me go long.

4.  Superbowl parties - you little condo stuffed to the gills with people for our yearly superbowl party.  You didn't care about the look of things, you simply enjoyed spending time with family and a great football game.  You taught me to keep it simple, it's more enjoyable.

5.  Danny Boy - every party always included a request for you to sing Mother Macree or Danny Boy, and you never turned them down.  Party, event, funeral, wake you stood took a deep breath and belted it out.  You taught me they won't remember if you were on tune, just that you sang.

6.  Cadillac Jack - a great testament is when one of your coworkers says, "Jack can sell ice to Eskimos."  You'd take me with you when buying or selling a family car - I got how it was done.  You taught me perserverance.

7.  Christmas - your favorite holiday, over St. Patrick's Day, you loved giving gifts, especially the "mystery gift" and even when I was older and you still thought I wore a size 0, I loved you saw me that way and everything you have me.  You taught me it is better to give than to receive, the look on someone's face with the right gift is precious.

8.  Florida - our yearly drive to Florida was full of "slap fights" tape recorded Star Trek episodes, bags of candy and cheap hotels.  I'm not sure what I loved more the drive to Disney World or the actual theme park.  You taught me patience.

9.  Keno - we both played our birthdays in Keno and it was the year I was 31 and you were 65, I played 6/29/65 and you played 6/26/31 - we both hit for a dollar because of luck!  We played again and lost it all, oh well.  I learned to

10.  Kenotherapy - there were hard times when you were sick, and I watched you joke through them even when you were scared.  I was right there by your side, and through your battle I learned to be strong, to make the memory in the now, to tell people you love them before you can't.  What I wouldn't give to hear "Danny Boy" one more time.

Thanks for being a great Dad, and teaching all these important lessons.  Enjoy your day because you are special.  Love you Dad.

Kelly

What would you write in your letter, why not write it right now and give it them so you can see the joy on their face?