WTF - You Named Yours That?

Readers beware - this post contains words such as penis and vagina.  Oh wait, I think I was trying to say it was PG-13.  Maybe because it contains the words penis and vagina.

Everyone has special names in their lives.

Our significant other can be our "Pookey Bear," or "Smoochie Pants."

Makes me wonder if the trend of naming that Thang (you know THAT thang, down there Smoochie Pants) is still in full force.

Don't get me wrong.  We had our pet names for IT.  Something we used and laughed about in the early days of dating and marriage.  Then we simply stopped using them, or maybe forgot about them.

Secretly I think childbirth makes parents look at all of that plumbing in a different way.  How can you still call that part that created half of the miracle screaming in the crib My Dingaling? Or The One Eyed Wonder Muscle?  Plus as parents some of us even use funny names for our child's parts as they grow up (Hoo Hah, Tinkleman, Penis.)  Finally, with changing diapers and looking at that stuff all day - it kind of takes away the fun of MR. Fancy Pants.  When Mom and Dad hit the sack (and not for sleep) they usually don't go for the cuteness of, ""Is Mr. Fancy Pants ready for some Loosey Goosey to come and visit?"

So in homage to all those out there, I took a silent poll of friends asking if they still, well, you know, have a name.  Surprisingly all said YES!  And some shared:  (Disclaimer, in no way does any of these names resemble anyone I know willingly or unwilling.  And not a single one is MINE!)

No, I am not talking about the fur burger or baby cannon, the kidney poker, or joy stick.  I'm talking about real names!

His:  Mr. Rogers   Hers:  Kitty Kat

His:  Pelvis   Hers:  Pussilla

His:  O'Toole   Hers:  O'Hare

His:  Dickey  Hers:  Honey

His:  Lord Voldemort   Hers:  Hermoine

His:  Skinny   Hers:  Hairy

His:  Moonshine   Hers:  CuntryPie

If you don't have a name and decide you can always go with movie names to get a good laugh.  Some of my girlfriends had me in stitches:

No Country for Old Men
The Abyss
The Never Ending Story
Taken
 Of course, Take 2

Now for the guys:  (disclaimer, this my girlfriends list)

GoldFinger
Lethal Weapon
The Hobbit
Easy Rider
The Never Ending Story

and we all laughed on:  Gone in 60 Seconds

So lighten up and have some fun.  Really, get back to those days when you used to chase each other around the house saying "Mr. HooHah has a story to tell Starshine!"  But of course make sure the kids are either a:  Asleep or B: at a friends because That Grey Area is not responsible for any therapy bills resulting from the above story.

WTF - Kids Names

Seriously people, why would you name your kid that?

Airwrecka - or Erica, why do some people have to so butcher the spelling of their name to make them different.  I think I will change my kids names, how about:

Maxhimauh

and

Waulfgaung

Then you have the ones that are named after things a parent can't afford:

Chanel
Armani
Health Insurance
Mercedes
Pearl
Car Payment

Parents like to use symbols in the name:

Kei$ha - does that mean she needs money?
$hannon - does she have a silver spoon in her mouth.
I could outdo all of them with $hithead!  Perfect!

Then the fluffy names:
Buffy
Candy
Fluffy
Precious (how about Pre$ious)
Honey

Some think it is a good idea giving them a sports name, hoping that they excel in sports:

Darryl Homerun Walker
Stephanie 10Love Smith

and again, my favorite-

Darius Touchdown Carson.

I have a friend who named her daughter nevaeh - many were not sure how to even pronounce it, but she explained "It is heaven spelled backwards."  The first thought that went through my mind was Heaven Backwards is well, I'm not going to say it.

Finally, what really offends me:

When I introduce myself and they say, "I used to have a dog with that name."

WTF - Spotted Dick?

Best way to go on a diet is to change the way you eat.

I was a at dinner party where the talk went around English food.  We had a wonderful Yorkshire Pudding for the first time, delicious with it's onion sauce and gravy.

Then they asked if I've ever had Spotted Dick.

Conversation stopped.

I tried to remember that time when Jeff caught that strange flu in Mexico when we were on a cruise.  He had a temperature and spots all over his body.  Oh wait, he was sick if I remember, was not in the mood.

"No, I've never had spotted dick," I replied looking around the room, "Have you?"

His wife perked up, "Why I love spotted dick especially when it is covered in custard."

I close my mouth, first in sympathy for her, then second what if I catch something from her?

"I like the one that comes in a can," her husband adds.

"Comes in a can," I squeak out.

"Yes, it's especially spongy with a few surprises in there," he says.

"Yes, and the more custard the better, especially if it is room temperature," his wife adds.

"It's easy to make a Spotted Dick," He says.

"First you have to grease everything up.

Then you whip it hard

Add in some flavorings

And let things heat up.

Just as it is about to go, dial it down a notch to keep things simmering.

Finally, when it done, take the custard whip it until smooth and pour it over it."

His wife sighs, "I like my Spotted Dick in a can.  That way I can microwave it."

Just as I am about to say that I'm on a diet and cannot eat anymore, they say:

"But we have Blackberry Cobbler, would you like some?"

PS.  I went ahead and googled Spotted Dick on Amazon and not only is it available for purchase, but those that purchased Spotted Dick also purchased:

Grace Cock Flavored Soup
Super Dickmans that go well with Spotted Dick.
And of course, my favorite

Megapussi

Hungry yet?