WTF - Kids Names

Seriously people, why would you name your kid that?

Airwrecka - or Erica, why do some people have to so butcher the spelling of their name to make them different.  I think I will change my kids names, how about:

Maxhimauh

and

Waulfgaung

Then you have the ones that are named after things a parent can't afford:

Chanel
Armani
Health Insurance
Mercedes
Pearl
Car Payment

Parents like to use symbols in the name:

Kei$ha - does that mean she needs money?
$hannon - does she have a silver spoon in her mouth.
I could outdo all of them with $hithead!  Perfect!

Then the fluffy names:
Buffy
Candy
Fluffy
Precious (how about Pre$ious)
Honey

Some think it is a good idea giving them a sports name, hoping that they excel in sports:

Darryl Homerun Walker
Stephanie 10Love Smith

and again, my favorite-

Darius Touchdown Carson.

I have a friend who named her daughter nevaeh - many were not sure how to even pronounce it, but she explained "It is heaven spelled backwards."  The first thought that went through my mind was Heaven Backwards is well, I'm not going to say it.

Finally, what really offends me:

When I introduce myself and they say, "I used to have a dog with that name."

How to win an argument...

Arguing with children is pretty close to banging your head on a tree in the middle of a blizzard while naked.  There are a few steps here that I learned from my mother that can help us win the argument:

1.  Because I said so, this usually prompts the "why" but with the authority that this sentence keeps, you can just say it and walk away from it.  You are the authority and if they question this, you can always return with, "Really?  You want to know why?  Well, I'll tell you why....because I said so!"

2.  "Do we really want to go there?"  This is such a great answer, give them the exasperated look like you really do know what they are arguing about (which you don't) but don't want to go there.  If they persist, then you can always answer with, "You don't want to go there," or "you'll regret it if we go there" and can always fall back on the "because I said so" if they really won't let you NOT go there.

3.  Oh yeah?  Well don't make me come over there."  Sure you are arguing but this threat usually has them quiet because of the days when you used to reach in the back seat for some type of hair when they are arguing and that was the child that got in trouble.  This stops an argument on a dime because they don't want you to come over and grab something, they'll leave the argument alone because, well, you said so.

4.  "That's It, I've had enough"  You are at the point in the argument where you can't go any further, usually this is the case where they are gaining the upper hand and if you say anything further you're digging further into your grave.  This allows you to walk away, if they question add in a "Don't make me cover over there" with a "Do we really have to go there?" 

Finally as you collapse into your chair with your glass of wine and you see them sneaking over to you, add in a quick, "Because I said so."   How do you argue with your children?

How to screw up your life

Everything's going perfect, things are wonderful and of course most people think, gee, I really need to do something to screw my life up so.....

It starts in the younger years, when you've got the apartment, you've got no responsibilities besides work, plenty of time to go out with friends, watch whatever you want on TV, lots of money to spend on cool gadgets and other items YOU like.  Everything seems perfect, the perfect time to screw it up and have kids.  With kids, gone are the times to yourself, hanging out with friends for dinner now happens at Chuck E Cheese not that new trendy restaurant you've read about.  Whatever extra money you had starts with diapers and forumla then as they get older moves from toys, to books to that one single Abercrombie T-shirt that costs how much?  When they are younger, your days of sleeping soundly are over as you sit up all night with babies, or the argument in the middle of the night about who got up with the baby last, then it's the carting them to all the different activities, then settling down to watch SpongeBob or iCarly with them to round out the weekend.

You go through those years, longing at times for those carefree days but never wishing it all would go away, I mean you really can't see your life any other way.  So you go through those years, spending the money, losing the sleep, watching your friends sit and enjoy that trendy restaurant through the window as you continue down to Big Bob's Pizza and Subs.  Finally your children realize that they can sleep in, and all the toys are moving out of your house and you think, "Wow, things are starting to run a little smoother again.  Life seems a little easier, everything is perfect, almost too perfect so you've got to go and screw it up...."

Sitting next to you is that little ball of fur that will start chewing up your shoes, electrical wires, kids stuffed animals.  Something that needs food, and snacks, and vet care.  Something that needs to scratch or lick their balls in the middle of the night while laying on your bed.  Yup, just when you thought it was good, you go and screw it up again....