Showing posts with label penis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label penis. Show all posts

Monday, May 5, 2014

WTF - Fundraiser?

So, I am knee deep in helping with a Spring Fundraiser at someplace on the planet, and part of the idea was to create a thermometer.  You know, chronicling the progress as we add money to coffers for something new and spectacular at this favorite place of mine.

Don't you like how I am covering up the, "the names and places of this blog are in no way close to anyone I know because everyone knows I am a recluse who doesn't really go anywhere."

Any way, the banner is delivered to this place, and certain parties do the work of rolling it out ready for hanging on the front of the non profit establishment.

Here's the banner:


What?

I know, the person in charge mentions, "Doesn't that look like a phallus?"

I'm thinking, "What's a phallus?"  Then it hits me!  Oh yeah, it does look like a big uh, one headed wonder!

Normally most people would say, "Isn't that a big dick?"  But the people I am fundraising for are educated, I hear things like, "phallus, that male body part, male anatomy."

So as the people at the establishment go into panic mode to fix the sign, my mind takes a turn for the worse.

Hmmm, does this cat print make my penis look small?  Meow?

Umm, maybe if we reach our goal we can have fireworks coming out of the top?

Who's decision was it to make the cat print purple?  Really?

Are those ticks, well, you know, well, oh never mind.

Then it hits me.  

Well, you can see that I've been married too long when I don't notice the big wiener on the banner.

And, maybe if we keep it, it will surely capture the attention of all the women, now won't it?

Which could bring in a lot of money?

We could hit our goal.

Oh, I can see the fireworks!

Friday, April 25, 2014

WTF - You Named Yours That?

Readers beware - this post contains words such as penis and vagina.  Oh wait, I think I was trying to say it was PG-13.  Maybe because it contains the words penis and vagina.

Everyone has special names in their lives.

Our significant other can be our "Pookey Bear," or "Smoochie Pants."

Makes me wonder if the trend of naming that Thang (you know THAT thang, down there Smoochie Pants) is still in full force.

Don't get me wrong.  We had our pet names for IT.  Something we used and laughed about in the early days of dating and marriage.  Then we simply stopped using them, or maybe forgot about them.

Secretly I think childbirth makes parents look at all of that plumbing in a different way.  How can you still call that part that created half of the miracle screaming in the crib My Dingaling? Or The One Eyed Wonder Muscle?  Plus as parents some of us even use funny names for our child's parts as they grow up (Hoo Hah, Tinkleman, Penis.)  Finally, with changing diapers and looking at that stuff all day - it kind of takes away the fun of MR. Fancy Pants.  When Mom and Dad hit the sack (and not for sleep) they usually don't go for the cuteness of, ""Is Mr. Fancy Pants ready for some Loosey Goosey to come and visit?"

So in homage to all those out there, I took a silent poll of friends asking if they still, well, you know, have a name.  Surprisingly all said YES!  And some shared:  (Disclaimer, in no way does any of these names resemble anyone I know willingly or unwilling.  And not a single one is MINE!)

No, I am not talking about the fur burger or baby cannon, the kidney poker, or joy stick.  I'm talking about real names!

His:  Mr. Rogers   Hers:  Kitty Kat

His:  Pelvis   Hers:  Pussilla

His:  O'Toole   Hers:  O'Hare

His:  Dickey  Hers:  Honey

His:  Lord Voldemort   Hers:  Hermoine

His:  Skinny   Hers:  Hairy


His:  Moonshine   Hers:  CuntryPie

If you don't have a name and decide you can always go with movie names to get a good laugh.  Some of my girlfriends had me in stitches:

No Country for Old Men
The Abyss
The Never Ending Story
Taken
 Of course, Take 2

Now for the guys:  (disclaimer, this my girlfriends list)

GoldFinger
Lethal Weapon
The Hobbit
Easy Rider
The Never Ending Story

and we all laughed on:  Gone in 60 Seconds

So lighten up and have some fun.  Really, get back to those days when you used to chase each other around the house saying "Mr. HooHah has a story to tell Starshine!"  But of course make sure the kids are either a:  Asleep or B: at a friends because That Grey Area is not responsible for any therapy bills resulting from the above story.