A Woman Marries Herself?

You can't make this stuff up!  A woman, growing frustrated at being single for 6 years decided to marry herself.

No, really, click HERE

So she can effectively tell people she is "married."

My first question with this is:

If she was frustrated with being single, does changing her status to "married" make it any easier to find a mate?  I'd think most people seeing "married' figured run do not walk to the nearest exit.

She proposed to herself on a park bench.  Was it a surprise?  Did she have to think about it?

How did shopping for the ring go?
"How do you like this one?"
"I would like a larger stone, surrounded by two smaller stones."
"OK, only for you my love, whatever you wish.
----Kay Jewelers employee shaking her head.

Did she hire a wedding planner?  When she booked the venue, how did she present the idea?

"Myself and I are excited to get married at this beautiful venue.  We decided after looking at several places, and a long discussion that this place is perfect!

She said her vows in front of 50 friends.  Did she include the "obey" part of the vows?  Or did she write two separate personal vows, one for herself and one for her other self?

Then I think about her 50 friends, receiving an invitation:
You are cordially invited to the marriage of
Kelly Melang to Kelly Melang
Ceremony at the Mirror of St, Anne's Church
Reception in the buffet room of St. Anne's Mental Ward.
Registered at Target and Target

Then of course, she kissed herself in a mirror, to cement the joyous union!  I remember doing this as a teenager, but I was practicing for the first time I was kissed.  Was this the first time she was kissed?

Oh and let's not forget the wedding night.  She lays by herself in the wedding bed thinking,

"That was it?"

Years go by.  Years of looking at the wedding album, buying herself the paper for her 10th year, saying to herself, "How many more years until the diamond?"

Then after her silver wedding anniversary, she has a mid life crisis and decides to separate herself?

Who will take the house?  The Wedding Silver?  The Miata Convertible? The children?

And how can you have "Irreconcilable Differences" with yourself?

How does that court room appearance go?  Who's the ex?

Then someone comes along and proposes, she'll explain, "Oh, I was only married once before.  But we don't have to worry about my ex.  I know her really well."

That First Dance

She sat in the chair watching the wedding festivities, thinking about the past.  Funny how the ritual stays the same, the faces different yet familiar by lineage.  She was tired, it was still light outside, but she was ready for bed.  Sitting through her grandson’s ceremony she thought about her own wedding ceremony many years ago.  So many years later and the pain of missing him was so real.

The young girl inside her head argued with the old body sitting in the chair.  Her walker sat next to her chair, mocking her, accentuating the point that she was just too old for that.  She thought about it again, the young girl’s voice getting stronger.  

“You’re not too old, you’re as old as you let yourself be.  Why not take a chance and step into the past for a minute?  Let me take you on that journey, I’ll keep you safe.”

Her fingers, touching the table, showed a bit of arthritis but with her daily exercise ritual, they were still as strong as her youth.  One, two, three, four, five…..  She had the strength, she knew it.  

“Make the statement, come along with me,” that young girl voice insisted.

She stood slowly and walked with purpose over to her grandson, gabbing onto his arm for fear of falling without her walker.  He turned, surprised seeing her standing with a girlish grin on her face.

“Would you like to dance with me?”  She asked, her voice small.

“Would I!”  His sure hands gripping her arms, holding her tight, giving her his strength and joy on his wedding day.

Starting slow, moving in a small circle, her body getting used to something different.  Determined, she willed her body to remember the old steps, remember what she used to love about dancing, so long ago.  Her feet, listening to the young girl inside started moving with the music.  Her unsure smile getting bigger as each step became surer and true.  Something in the back of her mind tapped at the edge of her consciousness, her concentration on dancing pushing the thought away.

Moving slow to the music, her grandson’s hands warm, for a moment, letting her guard down, she let the thought come to her.  The young girl inside sighing, remembering another day, a long time ago with another partner, her beloved.

Looking up at her grandson, his smile making him look like his grandfather, she smiles back at him knowing that there is a part of her beloved there, even if it is just in the smile.  She watches as his hands become those of her beloved, the music taking her away as she dances with her husband. Her grandson bends and kisses her on the cheek enjoying the dance, especially her smile.

The music stops and the moment passes.  He helps her back to her seat, moving the walker out of the way so she can sit comfortably.  She sits, smiling, taking that memory, that little gift of a step back in time when she enjoyed that first dance with her husband.  The little girl still inside the old woman’s body smiles.

A little wedding humor!

Things not to say to a bride on her wedding day

1. Honey, that dress makes your butt look big
2. When’s the baby due?
3. Is that his ex-girlfriend sitting in the church?
4. Man those shoes are tall, you don’t think you’ll trip do you?
5. Wow, I just read that one in four marriages end in divorce, but not yours!

Things not to say to a groom on his wedding day

1. Do you know where the wedding rings are?
2. Which part is that, the “Speak now…”
3. Did you hear what happened at the Bachelorette Party?
4. Dude, do you think this one will last?
5. Till Death do you part, I see her Daddy there with the shotgun