She sat in the chair watching the wedding festivities, thinking about the past. Funny how the ritual stays the same, the faces different yet familiar by lineage. She was tired, it was still light outside, but she was ready for bed. Sitting through her grandson’s ceremony she thought about her own wedding ceremony many years ago. So many years later and the pain of missing him was so real.
The young girl inside her head argued with the old body sitting in the chair. Her walker sat next to her chair, mocking her, accentuating the point that she was just too old for that. She thought about it again, the young girl’s voice getting stronger.
“You’re not too old, you’re as old as you let yourself be. Why not take a chance and step into the past for a minute? Let me take you on that journey, I’ll keep you safe.”
Her fingers, touching the table, showed a bit of arthritis but with her daily exercise ritual, they were still as strong as her youth. One, two, three, four, five….. She had the strength, she knew it.
“Make the statement, come along with me,” that young girl voice insisted.
She stood slowly and walked with purpose over to her grandson, gabbing onto his arm for fear of falling without her walker. He turned, surprised seeing her standing with a girlish grin on her face.
“Would you like to dance with me?” She asked, her voice small.
“Would I!” His sure hands gripping her arms, holding her tight, giving her his strength and joy on his wedding day.
Starting slow, moving in a small circle, her body getting used to something different. Determined, she willed her body to remember the old steps, remember what she used to love about dancing, so long ago. Her feet, listening to the young girl inside started moving with the music. Her unsure smile getting bigger as each step became surer and true. Something in the back of her mind tapped at the edge of her consciousness, her concentration on dancing pushing the thought away.
Moving slow to the music, her grandson’s hands warm, for a moment, letting her guard down, she let the thought come to her. The young girl inside sighing, remembering another day, a long time ago with another partner, her beloved.
Looking up at her grandson, his smile making him look like his grandfather, she smiles back at him knowing that there is a part of her beloved there, even if it is just in the smile. She watches as his hands become those of her beloved, the music taking her away as she dances with her husband. Her grandson bends and kisses her on the cheek enjoying the dance, especially her smile.
The music stops and the moment passes. He helps her back to her seat, moving the walker out of the way so she can sit comfortably. She sits, smiling, taking that memory, that little gift of a step back in time when she enjoyed that first dance with her husband. The little girl still inside the old woman’s body smiles.
