Happy Fall Ya'll

It's the first day of fall and I cannot be happier.  Gone are the days of sweat running down my back from a walk from my front door to my car.  There are so many different reasons to love the cooler weather, I thought I would share a few with you.

Preparing for Hibernation.  The cooler weather signals cold weather is on its way and everyone must prepare for hibernation correctly.  That is why there is pumpkin spice everywhere, because it is usually loaded with double fat, lots of caramel and of course several large eggs.  (My children say, eggs, butter, milk - of course it is healthy) But don't worry, the calories don't count as long as you can cover it up with warm clothes, bringing the arrival of long sweaters, and jeggings.

The arrival of all of our favorite TV shows.  Does anyone think it is interesting that all of our TV shows start as soon as we "fall back" onto our couches because it is already dark outside?  I think not.

Fall is a gentle reminder that Christmas is right around the corner.  No, not to freak out and go shopping, but to start looking for that Ugly Christmas Sweater you bought at end of season last year and put in a "safe place."

The advent of hoodies and sweats and everything nice leads us to the Sasquatch look, or as some women call it the "French" method of shaving.  Luckily the only time the hair on our legs sees the light of day is at the gym, but nobody cares because everyone looks like Sasquatch at the gym during winter.

Cobwebs come back in style.  Remember that cleaning project you thought of in July?  Cleaning all the cobwebs off of your home?  Never got to it?  Don't worry about it!  With Halloween coming up, you're house will be the coolest in the neighborhood!  Better yet, with a cold winter maybe all the spiders freezing their butts off will leave your home and move South.

The Uggs come out of the closet as your feet descend into their warm fur.  Most never take them off until May so that smell of spring, well we call it Eau de Ugg Feet!

The only stressor of fall for me is the battle of the thermostat.  Wanting cool fresh air, I'll leave the windows open and leave off the heat.  My children walk by in the morning with a nice coat of frost on their face begging me to turn on the heat.  But I try to refuse until the first snow of the season.  We will see who wins this year.

Finally, once the temperature dips it is perfect acceptable to make love under the covers and no one thinks you are hiding something.  In my house, I can put away the Vaseline I've coated the door knob with, keeping little hands from turning it.  Plus, with the changeover to flannel sheets, my hubby never knows my legs are fuzzy, they just feel like the sheets.

So as the temperatures fall, and some of you are sniffing as you put away the flip flops and sun screen, remember there are plenty of reasons to celebrate Fall!

What would you add?

WTF - Belly Wrapping Questions By Boys

So they were supposed to be out biking for at least an hour.

I was planning 30 minutes.

Enough time to get my Pinterest inspired belly wrap up and where it should be.

But they came back in mid wrap.

The oldest walked into the kitchen, yelled, "Oh my God," and covered his eyes.

The youngest was silent and simply ran back out the front door.

****

30 minutes later - when they deemed it was safe to enter the house and not witness Mom's House of Torture.  They walked into the kitchen, where I sat, calm, checking Facebook.

They walked slowly looking my body up and down.

"Are you still doing it," the youngest asked.

"What," I asked.

"You know, that thing you were doing, with the green stuff and the plastic."

I look at him, "I wasn't hiding a dead body, I was just detoxifying my body with a homemade Pinterest wrap."

They both look at me.  "Is it still on," the oldest whispered, acting like I've got the ebola virus under the plastic and it could infect them.

"Yes."  I say, taking a step toward them.  They both step back.

Then they are curious.

"Are you wrapped in plastic," one asks.

"Yep," I answer.

"All the way down," the youngest adds.

"Yep," I answer.

They both look at each other, I'm wondering if they will disown me for my vanity.  Or if they will never see their mother again with out plastic on her body.  Perhaps they will love me and accept me, wrap and all because I am-----their mother.

"What happens if you fart?"


Wow.  I never thought of that.

You know its Christmas season when....

10.  You're up at 4am baking Gingerbread Men for your son's class.

9.  You're not surprised when your son says, "Oh and I signed you up for goody bags for tomorrow's Winter Treat."

8.  You throw your glass of wine at the TV when the 1546th jewelry commercial comes on because your honey is definitely not "Going To Jared."

7.  You've found the Christmas presents you hid last year while looking for the ones you hid this year.

6.  Working out consists of not lifting the spoon with the cookie dough on it to your lips during that 4am gingerbread session.

5.  You are sleeping in Ugly Christmas Sweaters because well, they really are comfortable.

4.  You are looking for a piece of coal in the garage to put the fear of Santa into your child's heart.

3.  Egg Nog is considered one of the four main food groups - it does have eggs right?

2.  You've now used fishing line, 2 inch nails and duct tape to keep the tree upright.

1.  Packages are arriving on your doorstep of shit you ordered online when having a glass of wine late at night - and most of it is for you.