Santa Sent Me A Letter!!

Dear Mrs. Melang:

I am writing to you about your excessive use of the Santa Claus Parents’ Hotline.  This line is meant for parents who want to change their child’s status on Santa’s list as a last minute nice list change,  not as a daily rant from the Melang household.

Using Santa Claus and coal as a means to get your children to behave does not work, you should have learned that last year when we had to change the phone number due to excessive use.    Please think of something different than the fifteen minute messages that begin with you saying, “you’re not going to believe this.”

Please also inform your children that the number of letters sent to Santa’s inbox changing their Christmas list is becoming excessive, also Santa gets enough letters from the children of the world, he doesn’t need your children clogging his Inbox with excuses for their behavior listed in your phone call of the day.  And sending pictures of their rooms does not automatically put them on the naughty list.

Henceforth, we will be marking your emails as SPAM and hope that you will think twice before sending another letter to Santa.  He is contemplating putting coal in your stocking as a reply to your "Why haven't you answered me, Santa" letter.  Thank you for your understanding.

Sincerely,

Cletus Senior Santa Correspondence Elf

Hello Spammy!

Today I did a short lesson in humanity, I checked my spam folder.  Here's what I learned from the titles:

1.  Fwd: reply - from Jennifer Aniston.  I didn't know we were back on talking terms again.  I guess she saw my latest picture and is letting me know I need to lose weight.

2.  Huge natural b00bs - I guess in this subject line they are trying to show me how they will stand out, but on my body will they stand up?

3.  jus sign up you life suxx befora - what does this mean Jana?  Are you friends with Jennifer?

4.  I LUV V PILL ONLY FOR PENNIES - I know they are yelling at me, but hey, I'm not the one that needs the V pill.  I am quite happy right now.

5.  Here's my favorite - USApenis.com budget tip - now I've always warned about the little head thinking for the big head, but about budget tips?  No thanks.

Here's ones that I actually clicked on -

1.  Tasering our way to the zombie apocalypse - I thought with the Mayan calendar coming to an end, I could use the information.  Took me to Christian single men looking for love.

2.  Luxuriant Hair Flowing Club for Scientits - I wanted to get my hair to flow better, and I had to be sure the typo was actually a typo.  Took me to Christian single men looking for love.

3.  When did you put that picture up - of course like a train wreck, I had to look and no it wasn't from Jennifer Aniston.  Took me to Christian Single men looking for love.

4.  Enjoy your Pretzel Anniversary Offer - surprise nothing to do with lengthening any pretzels close to my heart but an actual pretzel company, and a coupon.  Unfortunately never heard of the pretzel company.

5.  Single Christian Guys Looking for Faithful Women - of course when I clicked on this one, it took me to the Mayan website and....the end of the world.

Technically I'm not available....

There are so many outlets no on the computer and internet to socialize with others, I love staying in touch with friends and family using these outlets, but they are beginning to erode my confidence. It starts with my Yahoo Mail Account. I log in and the first thing it asks me is my chat status….

Are you…..

The options are Available, Busy or Invisible. I stare at all three. I could choose to say that I am Available, but I’ve been married close to 25 years so technically I’m NOT available. I could choose busy, because aint that the truth, I’ve got 1 husband, 2 small boys and 1 dog so yeah, I’m pretty busy. But right now I should choose invisible because I feel pretty invisible every time I ask someone to pickup their clothes off the floor, or close the cabinet doors or put the roll of toilet paper ON THE TOILET PAPER ROLL! Choosing invisible means my friends can’t chat with me, so I choose to say I’m available, saying to my wonderful husband, “Technically I’m not available in that way, I’m just available.”

Then I go over to Facebook and it tells me that I don’t have enough friends, “I have plenty of friends, I think.” If asks me to help some of my friends make friends and a few I do feel sorry for them, gee, they don’t have any friends so it’s my duty to help them find friends. Then I wonder, is it asking MY friends to help me FIND FRIENDS? Do I really have enough friends? At least Facebook Chat asks the simple question, are you Online or Offline……it does let me choose a relationship status. I once choose Its Complicated prompting my dear husband to come and ask, “What’s so complicated? ”

So in Yahoo, I’m Available but not in that way, I’ve got plenty of friends in Facebook to feel that I’m a pretty cool person, and as always I’m ready to chat. Don’t worry, I don’t think any less of you when Facebook tells me YOU don’t have ENOUGH friends, I’ll help you out. Are you available today?