WTF-Put those puppies away!

In the age of everyone looking like they are wearing their underwear, people have gotten creative with the bra industry.  I thought I would share a few floating around the internet.

Now this one is a true Control Her!  Or if you are tired of asking for a little more fun, just tell your better half to enjoy pressing your buttons.

This is perfect if your other half wants to "Go where no man has gone before."

I found this one in the back of my closet, if was a gift from my father for my 16th birthday.

Now really?  Doesn't everyone realize the chocolate would MELT?

This way you don't have to ask them, "Do you like me?  Do you really like me?"

I tried this once when I quit breast feeding.  I'll never forget the cashier at the supermarket's face when I tried paying for the cabbage sporting my Triple X's.  I think he dropped my change 32 times.

And of course, you can always answer YES when they say "Your headlights are on!"

What even happened to go the good ole support bras that always said, "I'll be there for you" on the packaging?

Or of course, the coconut shell bras?  Let me go search my underwear drawer for mine.

Would you wear any of these bras?

WTF - What The Friday - Mr. Milker?

Working for a magazine means a lot of email, with many offering me FREE samples to try their AMAZING product.  Imagine my surprise when an email offering Mr. Milker hit my inbox, along with an offer of a free sample.

Mr. Milker - the amazing invention that allows Dads to breast feed their babies the same way Moms do.

OK, this caught my attention.

Breast Envy is a quiet condition that men endure with lasting psychological effects.  Did you know that fathers are quietly enduring not being able to breast feed their children like the mothers."

Well nobody clued me in on this one.  Did my husband really want the experience of breast feeding?  I still remember it vividly, I can tell him all about it.

"Your boobs all of a sudden feel like they are going to explode.  Mine looked like two over inflated footballs.  The poor little baby, who's head is smaller than the huge boob coming their way is hungry, and trying to feed is like trying to find a tic tac on a football.  My husband followed me with the screaming baby reading passages of the 'Breastfeeding Freedom' book someone gave me.  When we went back to the nipple nazi at the hospital the next day she said, 'it's easy' grabbed my football in her hand grabbed the baby's head and pushed the two together.  You then get to go through the chaffing of your nipples due to over use (and not in a good way) where every time the baby cries you bite the strap of leather and breastfeed.  Oh yeah, we bonded, I think, somewhere during this."

When I researching the Mr. Milker I came across websites that give instruction for men with "man boobs" to breast feed their children if they want to.  I'm just leaving that one there.  Ok, maybe not, if I ever go into Walmart and see a man with "man boobs" breast feeding a child, I'm thinking the zombie apocalypse is not far behind.


There are some advantages to the Mr. Milker, Daddy breast feeder can take the 430am shift, and you can possibly even take a vacation.

So if you want the breast feeding experience with the Mr. Milker, here's a few alternative ideas to use it beyond the infant years.

"I put soda in mine and the KIDS loved it.  Would love to get a three feeder version, would cut down on the kids fighting."  OK, how old are these kids and who's breast feeding soda from Dad?

"We don't have any children, but my husband got one and tried it with our Chihuahua pup who lost her mother.  She gained 6 ounces in a week!"  So was he laying down on the dog bed wearing it?

So there really isn't an experience with your children denied to you Daddy, get the Mr. Milker and experience the beauty of breastfeeding your babies, just don't forget to clean the diapers afterwards.

What would you use the Mr. Milker for?

http://greatinventions.tv/home/product/mr-milker-male-breastfeeding/

Hello Spammy!

Today I did a short lesson in humanity, I checked my spam folder.  Here's what I learned from the titles:

1.  Fwd: reply - from Jennifer Aniston.  I didn't know we were back on talking terms again.  I guess she saw my latest picture and is letting me know I need to lose weight.

2.  Huge natural b00bs - I guess in this subject line they are trying to show me how they will stand out, but on my body will they stand up?

3.  jus sign up you life suxx befora - what does this mean Jana?  Are you friends with Jennifer?

4.  I LUV V PILL ONLY FOR PENNIES - I know they are yelling at me, but hey, I'm not the one that needs the V pill.  I am quite happy right now.

5.  Here's my favorite - USApenis.com budget tip - now I've always warned about the little head thinking for the big head, but about budget tips?  No thanks.

Here's ones that I actually clicked on -

1.  Tasering our way to the zombie apocalypse - I thought with the Mayan calendar coming to an end, I could use the information.  Took me to Christian single men looking for love.

2.  Luxuriant Hair Flowing Club for Scientits - I wanted to get my hair to flow better, and I had to be sure the typo was actually a typo.  Took me to Christian single men looking for love.

3.  When did you put that picture up - of course like a train wreck, I had to look and no it wasn't from Jennifer Aniston.  Took me to Christian Single men looking for love.

4.  Enjoy your Pretzel Anniversary Offer - surprise nothing to do with lengthening any pretzels close to my heart but an actual pretzel company, and a coupon.  Unfortunately never heard of the pretzel company.

5.  Single Christian Guys Looking for Faithful Women - of course when I clicked on this one, it took me to the Mayan website and....the end of the world.

The BIG Coverup - the training bra

Remember the first time you had to cover up?

Pre-teen, looking at my flat chest, I remember wishing I had something to cover up.  When they start to grow, my mother looked at my mosquito bites, worried I had cancer and took me to the doctor.  (I did tell you I was a devout Catholic growing up)  The doctor smiled at us and explained, "She's growing breasts."  Before I could understand the humiliation, she took me home and announced to the family, "It's time to go and buy some bras."

I felt like I was walking to my execution, the department store with my MOM, and into the lingerie department.

She starts embarrassing me the moment we hit the top of the escalator,
"Honey, where do you think the young girl, I mean lady bras are?"
"Mom!"  I watch a cute boy go by wishing he hadn't heard that exchange.

To make it better, she adds to the embarrassment:

"Excuse me?"
Cashier, "Yes."

"My daughter is buying her first bra.  Can you recommend something for her body type."
Cashier looks at my skin and bones, "Umm, you may want to hit the training bras in that corner, size extra small."
Extra small?  Training bras? Really?
I stand there feeling humiliated until my Mom returns with a handful of bras, "Honey, I found the extra smalls."  I watch other girls walk by with their Moms, they laugh overhearing then give me the look of, "just endure it and you'll get the bras."

"Look at these cute little puppies, and I really like the American Flag ones," she says holding them up high as other people walk by.  I grab then and turn toward the dressing room, wishing this experience over, silently thinking, I kind of like the american flag one too - makes me feel patriotic.

My mother is following me to the dressing room.
"What are you doing?"  I ask.
"I need to make sure they fit you, you'll need my expertise," she answers.
"Mom, they are bras.  I think I know what I am doing."  I ask, praying I can do this by myself.
She walks into the fitting room with me, and sits on the bench waiting for me to try them on.  Guess this will prepare me for when I end up in prison, my life in the gutter from this one bra experience.

"Honey, does it fit?"
"Mom!"
"Lemme see...."  She runs her finger along the side, snaps it.
"Mom!"
"I think it's perfect."

We go to the cashier, and I endure my mother tearing up as she explains to the cashier and the lady waiting in line behind us that her little girl is growing up, and wearing TRAINING bras.  Then she looks at both of them and winks.

The boys in the class run their fingers down my back to see if I are wearing a training bra, and even if it's simply mosquito bites, I've got the bra on.  I'll never thank her, but secretly glad we took that time to help me become a "woman."

Remember your first training bra?  Did you buy it or did your mom?