Who Needs A Superhero When You Have MOM!

My kids are moving past their wearing the capes to church stage, but every once in a while they ask me what superhero I'd like to be.

I usually say Wonder Woman but

Then a thought came to me:

I am MOM, I am already superhero.

I have xray vision - I can detect a child wearing the same pair of underwear for 7 straight days with just a look.

My vision can find the lost remote stuck between the cushions of the couch, or better yet, when someone puts it in their pocket and it is found BEFORE it hits the laundry machine.

Superbreath - I can take out a group of boys with just garlic bread and pickles - don't tempt me.

Firebreath - I can breathe fire - especially when kids are not ready for school....and yes, it sometimes is real fire.

Wonder Woman had the lasso of Truth - why have a lasso when I have the look of truth.  All I need to do is look at my children a specific way and they immediately spit out the truth, "OK, I know it was wrong.  I was looking at the flaming red stick of wood and wondered what it would feel like, so I put it on my brother's back."

I have Superstrength - yes, you would be amazed at what I can do to get a moldy towel off of a kids bedroom floor.

Able to leap small objects in a single bound, especially if I am stepping on a lego.  I can jump skateboards, and piles of clothes, including a clingy dog to get to the overflowing pot on the stove.

I have an enhanced sense of smell - I can smell a moldy lunch box in the back of my car before it becomes Hazmat.  I can sense whether or not a pair of socks are on their second, or fourth, or sixth rotation.  I can smell test anything coming out of the fridge, especially those that are a day or week past their expiration date (honey, it smells fine!)

I have the Mom Mobile - I can get a kid to school on time even if it means skidding into the carpool line on one wheel with happy Meal toys falling out of the door as he opens it.  Better yet, I have an invisible jet - no one sees me pull in front of the school, push a kid out and keep going - I am that fast.

I have invisibility - I am that nagging voice in my child's head when he thinks about possibly doing something wrong - and oh yes, I nag.

I have Superspeed - you'd be surprised how fast I can run down the neighborhood when someone lets the dog out.

I have a uniform - it has coffee spilled on the front of it, someone's boogers down the leg of the pants, a line of mud from putting bikes into the car, AND something unrecognizable from an exploding lunch box in the back seat of the car.

I have a sidekick - yeah, it's Daddy, and he makes all the jokes of our comic strip.