What Happens At The Fair, Stays at The Fair

I just sat down with a glass of wine after 8.67 hours at the Dixie Classic Fair.  Here is why I only go to the fair once a year.


The minute you walk through the gates of the fair you will hear this great sucking sound - it is the gods of the fair sucking out every last dollar out of your pocket.  If you come home with anything but kettle corn crumbs in your pocket then you are a lucky person.

The second constant at the fair is that the minute you enter, both your nose and your eyes will begin to itch.  And you will spend, in my case the next 8 hours, willing yourself not to touch them.

Anything you touch at the fair will be sticky.  It could be moist air from the two millions fryers going at once, or the touch of twelve million people touching the bars and other things that you touch.  Prompting that itching in your nose and in your eyes.

There are things that astound you - like watching a woman try to squeeze herself into the seat on the swing ride, me and everyone around me were thinking about taking bets on whether she could get her butt in it, and then could she get herself back out.  The ride operator delivered the bad news to her as she was trying the sideways approach with the swing seat.

Little kids are cute - little kids with those stupid plastic trumpets will cause you to think about becoming a serial killer.  I think a serial killer created those plastic trumpets so we could all go crazy together.

If you are going to talk the Dad into coming to the Fair, make it enjoyable to him.  Dads see going to the fair the equivalent of heading over to the Lamaze classes with you.  Yelling at him in front of the TiltaWhirl that he needs to HOLD the oversize DOLPHIN so you can RIDE - not flatter and a guarantee he will NOT come to the Fair next year.

Tiny the horse is a real tiny horse.  The snake woman, she didn't really look real.  The Merman and Duck face woman looked possibly real.  Hey, they were on special, only a dollar a look!  We did not, however look at the "beautiful woman who turns into a screaming gorilla" exhibit, the boys see that every morning when they cannot find their shoes.

There are Fair Calories, then there are FAIR CALORIES.  I caught myself saying, "We much eat something of substance before the slushies - so let's go get some Kettle Corn and Ribbon Potato Chips. THEN we can think about cotton candy and slushies.  Oh, and healthy food and fair - ain't nobody got time for that.

Finally, all these may seem funny to you, but they are memories to me.  My best memory this time around was Jeff Wagner, Glass Artist in the old village.  All 5 of us were enthralled for 45 minutes as we watched him make glass beads while giving us a lesson in glass art.  There is a reason he is artist of the Fair, and a teacher at Sawtooth - if you get a chance go and see him.  Well worth the trip.

Create those special memories for your family with a trip to the Dixie Classic Fair, and believe me, I can wait another year before I hear the bursting of a balloon with a bell from a water game.

What are your memories of the fair?