My Mom Did WHAT?

I love my kids, I especially love how uptight they are and how easy it is to harass them.  Remember as a parent we thought we were cool until we had children, then with the first humiliation of childbirth to the long list of raising kids - we have the perk now of getting back at them!    Need to cement a few memories in YOUR child's life?  Here's how:

Enunciate completely every.word.of.your.order when you are the take out window.   "YES, I WOULD LIKE A DOZEN DOUGHNUTS - THREE CINNAMON BUNS, SIX RAINBOW SPRINKLES, THREE CHOCOLATE SPRINKLED AND THREE ORIGINAL SUGAR GLAZED HOT AND FRESH NOW PLEASE."

Pack their lovey in their school book bag, guarantee they will not fall asleep in any class worrying about that one.

Make them wait with you in the food court of the mall until you MEET every friend they are hanging out with, make their friends stop and sit for a minute while you, "Get to know them."

Label their lunch box - down to writing "napkin" on the napkin.  "Sandwich," "Apple slices," "Tasty Kake."

Take them shopping with you.  Better yet take them to the swimsuit or bra department.

Show them you still have it - especially in front of their friends.  I am very proud that I can still say every word to "Devil Went Down To Georgia" including the Chicken in a bread pan pickin out dough.

Show up in your workout gear to school.  Honestly, I think this is cool because I am actually going to WORK OUT.  But if I really want to embarrass them, I wear my neon tights without underwear, leg warmers, and headband to complete the outfit.

Making them pose out in public for a picture, especially if they are with their friends.  Then make them stay for 4 more pictures because it "just isn't coming out right" or "wait a minute there standing on the fountain, my camera isn't loading yet."

Jump out of the car in the carpool line (in your pajamas) and yell, "Snuggle!  You forgot your lunchbox!"

Tell stories to their friends about the time they picked up the bagel off the floor, took a bite and told you it tasted funny.  You told them to eat it anyway and after another bite and crying realized the dog had peed on it.

Barge in on them in the dressing room and check to see how clothes "look" or "fit."  My mother always liked to grab the crotch part of the pants making sure, "it wasn't too tight."

Legal Disclaimer - author of this post is not liable for any damages or therapy needed by attempting the actions of this list.  This is a list for professional tormentors only, DO NOT ATTEMPT.  No legal action can be taken against the author of this post as she has no money due to the therapy bills for her own children.

Remember that important part of "embarrass" is that you make an "ass" out of yourself because that's the fun of it.  How do you embarrass your children?