New Sayings for this Day and Age

Here's some new sayings around my household:

"Everything is a reasonable price until the hoarder in your pops out and you buy the whole lot, then it gets expensive." - husband after trip to Target.


"I can tell you one hundred times that you will break that if you keep playing with it that way, or I can drink a glass of wine and watch." - mom, with new electronic.

"Everything's easier when the kids are in bed asleep." - husband every night.

"If I make it, you eat it.  No, you do not have another choice, I just put energy into making it." - Mom, standing in kitchen with long knife in hand.

"Some mornings it's just easier to sigh and go with the sugar options." - Mom at the Krispy Kreme drive thru speaker.

"Which would you rather have on that cut, alcohol or peroxide.  No there is no other choice." - Mom to child who will not let anyone clean out his cut.

"Oh, you so have a visit from Evil Mommy coming mister!" - Mom to kids when looking in their bedroom.

"Am I listening to you?  What?" - Wife, to husband when watching Criminal Minds.

"You're lucky you're cute because you're the reason I tinkle every time I sneeze." - Mom to youngest when he will not stop singing the same song line over and over again.

"Don't have time to clean?  Just lower the blinds, everything looks cleaner in a dimmer light." - Mom, to kids, when she wants to see a movie instead.

"You always have something to say, sometimes the better option is to simply not say it." Mom to girlfriend when telling about argument with hubby from night before.

"Leave my hoarder closet alone, I need all that shit." - Wife, to husband when he opens the door that should not be opened.

"Leave it there.  Why?  Because I put it there.  I won't find it again if you move it." - Wife, to husband when he tries to organize her kitchen.

"Seriously, order the Diet Coke.  It counteracts the calories in the Big Mac." Mom to girlfriend after girls nite out.

"I shall repeat myself because there is a big difference between what I just said, and what you thought you just heard." - Me to myself, in my head.

Yes, those Moms

We all know the different Moms of the carpool lane....

Vinegar Mama -  this one was probably running behind from the moment she woke up in the morning. As the minivan door opens, a few toys fall out of the car as she is screaming at her kids to "Get out."  The drive back home even with the kids out of the car carries a scowl that makes us think of sucking on lemons.

Hiding Mama - this is the one that after pulling in wearing her pajama pants and hair still pulled up, that she has to walk her child into school to sign a specific paper - how quickly she turns into vinegar Mama.

DoItAll Mama - this is the mama that followed the bus to the school to make sure Little Timmy made it safely.  She jumps out of the car to hand him his pinterest inspired homemake rocket lunchbox, complete with organic snacks in handmade reusable bags.  When she realized that he forgot the lunchbox on purpose to eat the cafeteria food, she also turns into Vinegar Mama.

NachoMama - the youngster that forgot she was a Mama.  She's still in the juicy shorts, with the half the booty hanging out.  The white fur Uggs on a 60 degree day completes the look.  The child walks into school in the same white fur Uggs, but luckily, juicy shorts are not allowed.

Bowya Mama - this is the Mama we wall hate - she's the one with the baby at home that's kept her up all night for 3 straight months and she still looks perfect.  We all turn into Vinegar Mamas when we look at her.

BabyBus Mama - this is the queen of the carpool, the belle of the bus, the master of the minivan.  She can herd 7 kids, bookbags, lunchboxes, and science projects into the van and hit the carpool line ON TIME.  Of course this is the one time when the van is rocking you can come a knockin.

Terminator Mama - this one has three different seat belts holding the child into the carseat, so many clicks that even the teacher meeting the kids can't get the car seat open.  The car is one encased in steel, and before anyone can touch the child in the back seat, hand sanitizer, glued to the side of the window and doused.

Yeehaw mama - dressed like Nacho Mama, wishing we looked like Bowya Mama, trying really hard to not be Vinegar Mama - we're the ones turning up the radio with a big smile of relief as we exit to our 6 hours of freedom.

What Mama would you add to the list?