WTF - How late nights cost you money...

My kids are working really hard to either put me in the insane asylum or the poor house - some days I feel like it is both.

When the oldest lost his first tooth, it couldn't have come at a worst time.  I was broke.  Broke in as I had no cash on me.  Forgot about the tooth fairy until 5am the next morning.  Was thinking I could just write him a check from the tooth fairy but then how could I black out my name and address.  Figured he would have to be dissapointed but sweet hubby found a twenty dollar bill in his wallet.

My son as he got on the bus, "My tooth fairy is ultra cool, she leaves 20 dollar bills!"

So do the math, both kids loose 26 teeth at 20 bucks a pop.  Yeah, I have a home equity line for that one.

The Secret Stash

My son has a false book.  He took one of my books (thank goodness not a favorite) and hollowed out the inside creating his "secret stash."  Now as Moms know, when we need cash we can sniff it out of anywhere in the house.

We've checked for freshly laundered money in the dryer.
We've hit all the pockets of all the jackets in the home.

Nothing.

So I sniff out his secret stash and pull out a twenty to send in with the other child to cover his Field Trip that day.  Knowing that I will return the money later that day.

He comes home from school, "Let me go and check my stash!"
Me.  "NOOOO!   Um, not yet."


It's late, I'm tired, so I pull the cash back out of my wallet and stuff it back in the stash.  There, now he can check it.

The next morning, my son, "Holy cow!"
Me, "What?"
"Look!  I have 60 dollars in my stash!  Do you think the leprechaun left money this time?  Because I haven't lost a tooth and there's two extra 20 dollars in there?"
I sigh, "Yeah baby, I'm sure it was the leprechaun."

WTF Note to Self:  It is not a good idea to do anything late at night or first thing in the morning.  Late at night, you can blame that glass of wine in your brain, first thing in the morning, you just blame yourself.

So don't:
Count money
Text anyone, I repeat text anyone.
Write Facebook Posts
Count money again.
Say what is really on your mind.
Hit the fridge -- I mean, really?  Then why is there a light in it.

There.

Go do something productive late at night - like dig a hole in your neighbor's backyard about the size of a body then fill it back in.

You're welcome.

How to cope with Monday

Why is it that Friday is so far away from Monday but Monday is so close to Friday?   Starting out the work week clawing my way out of bed, a few friends decided to give me some helpful advice

Have a purpose.  That I would find Monday's joyful if I had a purpose in life.

Oh yeah, I do have a purpose, it's called resting.  Sleeping.  Lying under my flannel sheets, listening to the rain and thinking, "I don't think I could ever feel more at peace than this very moment."  Then looking at the clock and going, "Oh well, there it goes."  

When the alarm goes off, jump out of bed right away.

That's called scaring the hell out of yourself.  Yes, that will start my day off right acting like there's a zombie killer in the house at 5am.  If I really want to do this right, I should put a nerf gun (we have plenty of those) next to my bed to complete the fantasy - nothing like a good adrenaline rush to get your morning started.

Get an extra hour of sleep by going to bed early on Sunday night

Well, that would be shortening the weekend.  Duh, we don't want to do that, the weekend is dah bomb of the week, we want it to last as long as possible and THAT'S why we stay up as late as possible.

Turn your shower to cold just before you get out.

Honestly, I think my husband put my friends up to this because the jump out of bed and cold shower thing only achieve one thing - me in the Emergency Room with someone holding the electric panels above me yelling, "Clear."

Move your alarm to across the room.

This causes the same jump out of bed, "What the heck is that?" reaction that yes, does get the blood flowing but away from the heart.  Plus if its all the way over there, my walk back to bed after hitting the snooze button is not comfortable on the cold floor.

Have you tried coffee?

Of course, I've tried coffee.  It's the only thing that makes Monday mornings tolerable.

Then my zen friend, the spiritual one - does this happen every Monday, do you think it is a sign of some type of long term emotional problem?

Yes, it happens every monday.  Yes it is a very good sign of some type of longterm emotional problem - as Bob Geldof once quoted it perfectly, "I hate Mondays."

What's your go to remedy for Monday morning blues?