Shawnee - I am dog

I am dog.  I am unique.  I am important in this household, well, except after cat - now there's one egomaniac.  Thank you for bringing your "the dog must stay outside" into your home.  Here's a few ground rules:

Do not interrupt my morning routine.  I must have my time with the Poo Poo bulletin board.

If you wait too long, well, I can't help it.  When it stinks in here - clean it up.

Presenting your butt to me is one of the best gestures you can do.

This house is mine.  Do not change my bed, do not wash anything of mine.  The stinkier the better.

I am the surpreme hunter - I will find the dead squirrels, mice in the yard and bring them to you.  Not because I am the supreme hunter but because they are easy to catch..

Anything left around the home is fair game.  Bagels, Pop Tarts, Bacon, I would rather a little more vermouth in my martinis though.

If I find it on the floor, it is mine.  Especially underwear and socks.

Please don't complain about the dog hair, if you don't like it then don't sit on the couch.

I am the supreme house guard - except for that really nice robber with a biscuit.

I do not do tricks for strangers.  This is something personal just between you and me.  Of course, I'll learn the trick, but then it becomes our little secret.  That blank stare when you ask me to perform means, "I love you."

Oh, I forgot to add, if it is broken, then it is yours.  And of course, the cat did it.