My REAL New Years Resolutions!

True New Years Resolutions - ones that you'll actually keep:

 I will become a biotch atleast once a week for my family. This way they will really appreciate me when I am actually nice to them.

 I will not worry about what the other teachers think when my son pulls a molded peanut butter sandwich from his lunch, I'll try to wear my glasses more in the morning.

I will try not to walk my son into school in my pajama pants, I'll make sure it's workout gear.

 I will wine, I mean, whine a little every day, whining helps my own psyche because no one listens to me anyway.

 I will self satisfy once a week - chocolate, geez what were you thinking?

 I will make my family watch one romantic comedy per week for one month, this ensures much needed time alone when I pick up the remote and say, "Let me pick something out."

 I will try something new once a month, a new Pinot Noir or Chardonnay for starters.

 I will finally tell that stupid wench at the grocery store that the toothpicks at the free cheese are there for a reason!

 I will be honest about how I feel, it's the quickest way to get a family through dinner time without arguments. I say "I'm ready to open my heart" they all gobble and go running for the door.

 I will only eat lunch at Costco twice a week, all those cocktail wienies and pizza bites are adding pounds to my waist.

 I will tell my wonderful husband that I love him every day, with pink undershirts, a dull razor and listening to him intently as I fall asleep on the couch.

I will workout every day, it's the only way I can ensure that I can wine a little every day.

 I will let go of my past and finally take a deep breath and look at the Boudoire pictures I took a LONG time ago!

 I will turn on the stove, make sure it works, then turn it back off, always good to dust it off once in a while.

 I will send my children out every day for 30 minutes of exercise, this ensures my time to whine, I mean wine a little bit.

 I will do a better job of trying to poison my family than a few packages of moldy lunchmeat.

 I will be at peace with my body and buy more Spandex than I need.

 I will shave more often, a few pounds off of my waist, a little hair off the moustache, a little more out of the bank account.

 I will finally be ok with beating my children....at checkers, and races.

 I will be who I am without any excuses, maybe a little wining but no excuses!