Sometimes you feel the need to impart advice to your friends. Here's a few I remember from my Grandmother."If you can walk past him with a green clay mask on your face, you belly wrapped in plastic and sweat pants and he still chases you around the couch, then, hold tight because he is a keeper."
"If you don't have time to clean, lower the shades. Guests won't worry about dust as they are worrying about tripping over the furniture."
"If you are happy then it is Happy Hour. The beer just makes you a little more happy."
"A good friend will hang out with you, a best friend will point out the 2 inch long billy goat hair hanging off of your chin BEFORE you go to hang out."
"Sometimes kids need a good slap to the back of the head, I swear their brains stop working periodically."
"Don't ever smell a pair of kids/men's underwear to see if they are clean. Even on a dare.""No one looks in the tampon box. Hide your valuables in there."
"A good woman knows how to drink a beer, sing "Roll Out The Barrels" and kiss, not in any particular order."
"No one wants "she had a clean house" chiseled on her tombstone."
"Great beer is like great friends, everything's easier when in hand."
"Do not spit off of the Twister ride at the beach. That B*tch turns around awful fast."
"Let the fart out. If you don't it will travel up your spine to your brain. Look at Pop Pop, that's where all his crappy ideas came from."
"Did you just see what I paid for that sandwich at Arby's? I think that included this salt shaker."
"Honey, I've been at this rodeo a little bit longer than you, perhaps you should listen to me."
And finally,
"Some people need to sweep around their own door steps before worrying about yours."
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