WTF - Date Night

Moving into the realm of dating. No, not for me but my boys are now noticing girls, which means, girlfriends, which means dating.

This is all new to me.  I mean I've been out of the dating world for over 30 years, I've honestly forgotten the dating things. Especially the "before you can drive" dating thing.

So I reach back to my memories, how my Mom would drive us to the movies and drop us there, or over to "Mickey D's" or waiting out in front of the roller skating rink while I waited for the "We're gonna slow things down so go ahead and pick a partner" songs to come on.  Remember the couples skates?

Ahhh, dating.

I start with picking up the girlfriend and they've chosen a movie, but the movie doesn't start for another hour. Do we stay in the car and stare at each other for an hour?

Enter your best standby in the world of parents.

The mall.

Perfect because they can walk around, I can sit in the food court, go hit the office supply store or better yet, Dicks Sporting Goods! Coming from a very small town, it is rare I can hit a Dick's Sporting Goods or a Target!

They disappear for an hour while I shop, sip on a coffee and peruse sports bras.

One thing I did forget when doing the mall thing, it could get expensive. Don't worry honey, it was all on SALE!

Next comes dropping them off at the movie theater. Make sure your movie theater is near the mall, because you don't want to kill two hours sitting in the car reading a book. Unfortunately the theater wasn't big enough for the three of us, and I couldn't find a romantic comedy at the same time. I got lucky and found the used book store. (We're gonna need a bigger book shelf)

After the movie comes dinner, again, make sure you are in a densely populated area if possible. That way I dropped them off at Olive Garden, crossed the street and hit Bonefish, my favorite restaurant. Of course I had my binoculars with me so I could stalk their dinner date.

So I sit at the bar, with my new books, a large plate of Saucy Shrimp and Ahi Tuna in front of me,  relaxing.

Until this dude decides this single lady at the bar looking pretty happy with her books and food must be looking for a date.

"Well hey there, what are you reading?" (Is that today's pickup lines?)

 I look at him, smiling, and in my best "Mom" voice, say,

"Seriously, I'm not out looking. I'm killing time while my son is on a date."

He looks at me as if I am crazy, then I guess using the words "son" and "date" scared the poor guy because he ended up three chairs down from me, intensely concentrating on his plate of food.

So if you are taking the kids out on a date, make sure it's a relaxing date for you as well. Hit the bookstore, walk the mall, read those books and by all means, include a nice meal.

What do you do to kill the time while your "not old enough to drive" kids are out on a date?

How can I be too stupid to date?

I was researching a story I had on my mind and wondered how hard it was to sign up for the dating services.  No, I am 28 years happily married, it was RESEARCH!  I picked one of the biggest ones.

The first screen looked like a piece of paper that read:

Me, I figured it was just a welcome screen, so I clicked on the Let's Get Started Button.

This is what I got back:

And that, my friends is why I have been happily married for 28 years.  Maybe tomorrow I'll do a little more research and report what happens IF I get past the welcome screen.

She wore WHAT???

Last night in the middle of blizzard, I had to share with you the best outfit, I've seen on the mountain so far.

It's a grand opening for a local restaurant, a band, some food, and 2 dollar beers.  Sounds like a fun cozy place right?

Enter from stage left is a woman about my age, 21 plus a lot of change.  I notice that she's walking funny.  Almost like she's limping or something.  Her man that she's with is looking back with a bit of annoyance that she's not walking quick enough to keep up with him.

Set the scene - it is 14 degrees outside, 20-50 mph gusts of wind - snow falling hard and heavy.

She is in bling bling stilettos.  Yes, 2 inch stiletto heels with a tight pair of jeggings (they didn't look like my jeggings.)  You see my jeggings are to look like denim, so on my legs it looks like I've got pieces of sausage encased in denim covering.  Now she chose white, so her legs REALLY look like they are in sausage casing.  The big gold/black/studded belt to draw the eye from her waist worked because you can't miss her big butt in the white jeggings. The black harley shirt is pulled tight against some very wonderbraed boobies, making Davidson hard to read.   A chunky necklace, high teased hair, and a leopard print vest with gold buttons.  She had the permanent "I've had plastic surgery" smile with a "I know it's a little too much collagen" lips to match.  I wondered if she could whistle the skin so tight on her face, the lips so big.

My table has a debate:

The girls say, Jeez what is she wearing?  Isn't she a little old for that outfit.  And heels?  We're at a ski resort - you don't wear heels to a ski resort!!

The guys say she looks fine.  That even in that type of weather if she's simply walking from the car to the restaurant then she's good with the heels.  Her boyfriend is probably happy because she's wearing the heels for him.

The gals say, Or he's having to pick her up when she busts it on the ice in those ankle breakers.

The guys joke, you're jealous because you are not wearing the blingo heals she has...

The gals argue that she looks miserable.  That she needs to drop the boyfriend, break off the heels and put on a sweatshirt, she'd be much happier.

The guys say, how can she not be happy, she's got a man with her.

The girls look at them dumbfounded, then say bet she cannot feel her pinkie toe due to the shoes.

The guys say, so, who needs a pinkie toe anyway.

The girls say why can't the dude she's with get out of his jeans and T-shirt and wear something tighter like her.

Everyone looks at the boyfriend with the woman, pauses and says, Never mind.

What do you think?  10 inches of snow on the ground, would you break out the silettos to impress a dude?  Or pop on the furry Uggs and call it a night?