She wore WHAT???

Last night in the middle of blizzard, I had to share with you the best outfit, I've seen on the mountain so far.

It's a grand opening for a local restaurant, a band, some food, and 2 dollar beers.  Sounds like a fun cozy place right?

Enter from stage left is a woman about my age, 21 plus a lot of change.  I notice that she's walking funny.  Almost like she's limping or something.  Her man that she's with is looking back with a bit of annoyance that she's not walking quick enough to keep up with him.

Set the scene - it is 14 degrees outside, 20-50 mph gusts of wind - snow falling hard and heavy.

She is in bling bling stilettos.  Yes, 2 inch stiletto heels with a tight pair of jeggings (they didn't look like my jeggings.)  You see my jeggings are to look like denim, so on my legs it looks like I've got pieces of sausage encased in denim covering.  Now she chose white, so her legs REALLY look like they are in sausage casing.  The big gold/black/studded belt to draw the eye from her waist worked because you can't miss her big butt in the white jeggings. The black harley shirt is pulled tight against some very wonderbraed boobies, making Davidson hard to read.   A chunky necklace, high teased hair, and a leopard print vest with gold buttons.  She had the permanent "I've had plastic surgery" smile with a "I know it's a little too much collagen" lips to match.  I wondered if she could whistle the skin so tight on her face, the lips so big.

My table has a debate:

The girls say, Jeez what is she wearing?  Isn't she a little old for that outfit.  And heels?  We're at a ski resort - you don't wear heels to a ski resort!!

The guys say she looks fine.  That even in that type of weather if she's simply walking from the car to the restaurant then she's good with the heels.  Her boyfriend is probably happy because she's wearing the heels for him.

The gals say, Or he's having to pick her up when she busts it on the ice in those ankle breakers.

The guys joke, you're jealous because you are not wearing the blingo heals she has...

The gals argue that she looks miserable.  That she needs to drop the boyfriend, break off the heels and put on a sweatshirt, she'd be much happier.

The guys say, how can she not be happy, she's got a man with her.

The girls look at them dumbfounded, then say bet she cannot feel her pinkie toe due to the shoes.

The guys say, so, who needs a pinkie toe anyway.

The girls say why can't the dude she's with get out of his jeans and T-shirt and wear something tighter like her.

Everyone looks at the boyfriend with the woman, pauses and says, Never mind.

What do you think?  10 inches of snow on the ground, would you break out the silettos to impress a dude?  Or pop on the furry Uggs and call it a night?

Sausage casing or short and sassy, that is the question!

I’m not sure what I detest more – dress shopping or bathing suit shopping
A special occasion looms over my head like the albatross that followed me home on my last run in 90 degree heat. I put it off as long as I possibly could, telling myself I didn’t need to buy a dress, I could just wear something that I already had, when plans changed and I HAD to buy a dress, i started the pilgrimage to the mecca of finding something that actually fit, that I liked, and wasn’t that expensive. Oh, dress fairy take me away!

I figure if I’m looking for a dress, then the best place to head is the mall – another thing I haven’t done in over 3 years. I’m amazed at how different it looks, where did all these young girls come from – shouldn’t they be in school. I’m looking for pink, so as I travel the different stores I encounter all types of tiny girls looking at the same dresses I’m looking at.

“Man, the smallest size they have here is a 1---that’s not going to work,” little girl smacking her gum says to her friend busy texting someone else.
“OK Ginger, try on the 1 sometimes things are cut small,” texter replies back. bitch is all I can think.

I look at the 4 in my hand and go back to try it on, when it feels like a sausage casing on my skin, I leave everything there in the dressing room and leave. The next store, the clerk takes one look at me and doesn’t even bother to come and see if she can help me. I leave before I find out if it’s either the money issues, or all the dresses are really too young or they only carry the pencil sizes! At another store, the clerk tries to steer me to a Moo Moo looking caftans that would make me look like a big pink balloon – no, thank you very much.

I wonder if I’ve moved out of the cute dress to the smart dress – have I become JCPenny? Do they have real sizes where a 4 really feels like a 4? I travel to another place that carries a lot of pink and am amazed that when the sales person asks what I want, she says, “oh, you’re a size 0 here.” It’s all in the perception, isn’t it? I puff up in pride, the last time I was a 0 was probably high school, I could shop here all the time saying, “Oh, the smallest size they have is a 2,” while some other women looks at me with a frown. I know EXACTLY what she's thinking.

Then I wonder, how short the skirt? What’s appropriate – of course my butt hanging out is out, but should I go knee, or mid-thigh or as most doctors like to say “at my age” should I go DOWN? I want be fun so I pull a few that are all different lengths and sizes because it’s obvious size doesn’t matter when it comes to dresses. The sausage casings last a few seconds on, the one’s I’m hanging out of hit the floor, the ones I can’t even get up are tossed on the bench. I find one that I like, “hey this looks pretty good,” but the 200 price tag has that put VERY CAREFULLY back on the hanger. There’s even one I can’t understand which strap goes where until I’m tied up in a knot it in praying I don’t have to call the salesperson for a pair of scissors

After several attempts at liking ones that too expensive I settle on two REASONABLY priced dresses, I need another opinion. I take a picture of each one and text my husband asking which he liked, he is the one stuck looking at it. After sending the messages, I realize I’ve done what Rep Weiner has done, become a wiener sending pictures of myself over the internet, albeit that I did have clothes on. When there’s no response, I figure I’ll go with the one I like, just short enough to make me feel sassy but grown up enough to not make me look like a tramp. I walk out the door vowing to go on a diet and never have to shop for a dress again. Maybe I can hire a personal shopper put a pillow around her middle and let her go and try on the dresses for me.

My internet pictures don’t come to haunt me, my dress sits in the closet when I realize that I have another problem. What shoes am I going to wear with it?