Water Aerobics or Strapping a Noodle between your legs on purpose

I had the inclination to go and try water aerobics.  To be honest when I went to swim laps, I saw this instructor (WOAH) teaching the class.  And Every woman was talking in the locker room afterwards (naked) about what a GOOD instructor HE was.  I had to see what all this water aerobics stuff was about.

I show up in my bathing suit.  I am the youngest person at this class by far.  And that's not a bad thing.

I'm standing by the pool wondering what I do next when, a woman floats by me riding the noodle better than John Wayne.

"Grab a noodle honey, stick in between your legs and get in the water."

I am officially without words for that one.  But I go and grab a noodle, slide it gently between my legs (oh for pete's sake get your mind out of the gutter and back in the pool) and walk into the pool.

Did you know there is an art to righting yourself while riding a noodle in the pool?  Me neither as I slipped a little sideways as I walk down the steps and slip, my face coming up way too close to the crotch of the ONLY guy getting in the water for his water aerobics class.  I knew then to do this class I had to master the noodle immediately.  (oh for pete's sake back in the gutter again?  Get back in the pool!)

We are all floating there, looking at each other.  Waiting.  For something.

"It's 9 o'clock, where is the instructor.  The class starts at 9 o'clock.  Where is she."


Picture some women named Shirley or Gladys, or Mabel.  With a thick New York accent, in a blue tennis skirt style bikini, floating by me in the pool.

"We're not getting any younger here.  I could be dead by the time she gets here."

I'm thinking it is really hard to take her seriously as she is there riding a noodle like Dale Evans (don't know her, go google it, it's safe) her white cap on - the Esther Williams style one with all the little flowers on it (of course you'd never wear that swimming because it's not very aerodynamic) full makeup AND you can smell her perfume.

Obviously, her kids are grown because she expects people to listen to her, whereas my kids never hear a word I say.  (Clean your room, pick the towel up from the floor, don't strangle your brother)

"If she doesn't show up soon, I'm teaching the class myself."

I'd love to see that.  Much to my disappointment, the instructor shows up and we spend an hour riding noodles while waving our arms, scissoring our legs, complete with a few giddy ups from one end of the pool to the other.

Surprise number one - this actually was harder than I expected it to be.

Surprise number two - Shirley or Gladys or Mabel kicked my ass at water aerobics.

May I be as spritely at her age to think that I can ride a noodle, wearing a white flowered swimming cap, full makeup and perfume AND rock water aerobics!