I'm going in....

We all have skeletons in our closet, I have actual skeletons in mine.  I decided today that I was embarking on a purge of all the skeletons, which meant hitting THOSE closets.  You know the ones:

The closet in the boys room that they "clean" their room in, meaning, when I ask them to clean their room, they throw everything in the closet and shut the door - there, it's clean.

The guest room closet - yes, I've stuffed that one.  My husband calls that my "hoarder" closet.  Psst, there is a crib in there, and my youngest is 9 years old - anyone want it.

The Big Momma - that's the one we've all been throwing shit in for years.  The boys are at the point that they are even afraid to open the door, because we are all sure that just like in the movies, everything will come crashing down on us.

So I'm in the boys room.  It already smells like feet.  I'm thinking, "Should I take a shot of tequila before I open that door?  Or just put the Vapor Rub under the nose like the episode of Silence of the Lambs.  Either way, my mind is made up.

"Honey, I'm going in," I say to my husband who stands there with a large black trashbag as his hazmat suit.

Here's how to effectively clean out a kids closet room:

Start with the clothes.  Marvel at the 6month onezies you find in the back right corner, even if it looks like they have moldy pee on them.  Sort by size.  Get mad at the nice big pile of clothes your children grew out of because they were hidden in the closet.  Think about doing the smell test on what is left, then deciding it's just easier and better for your health if you just wash the huge pile.

Pull all the toys out.  Smile and remember fondly the zillions of happy meal toys you find in the closet.  Wonder how much money you've spent on Happy Meals as you notice you have several Shreks and way too many Fionas.  Put all toys in a huge trash bag that you go and hide in the guest room closet because if your husband sees all the toys you will get the lecture about spending too much money on fast food that is unhealthy.

That leaves the crap on the floor.  Pieces of toys, several pieces of petrified apple, a glass with a very questionable colored ring and of course the moldy dog poop.  Sweep this into the trash and immediately take to the trash can, the long line of ants will promptly fall you our the door and into the trash can.

Now the closet looks beautiful and I feel accomplished.  Stand wondering how long it will actually stay that way, then send sweet hubby to go and buy a lock so you can lock it closed every cleaning day.

Oh, did I tell you I found a skeleton?

Yep, an small frog skeleton that must have perished due to lack of nutrition in the astonishingly intact french fries.  We'll make stories about him and the freeze dried Alligator Head, but that's for another time.

What skeletons would you clean out of your closets, or do you have THOSE closets?