Christmas Bender - It is better to give than receive

I am a last minute shopper, and I have a very good reason. You see, I love to give gifts at Christmas, LOVE to give rather than receive, this presents a problem when our bank account starts to dwindle from my love of GIVING! One Christmas I decided that I was going to do all my shopping early, and spend the week before Christmas break sitting in front of the fire congratulating myself on how organized I was. Things went very well when I did all my shopping, found the PERFECT gift for everyone on my list AND even had them wrapped. I arrived at the week before Christmas Break full of pride at my Christmas organization and thought about that hot toddy in front of the fire. Then I went on what my husband called a “Christmas Bender,” you see I had bought such a PERFECT gift for everyone on my list that I couldn’t wait until Christmas for them to open it. I “accidentially” put some REALLY COOL gifts I’d purchased for my children in their bathroom for them to find, then acted dismayed that they’d opened them –and of course, loved the stuff I’d picked out. My girlfriend got hers early because I knew that she’d love to wear it to the next race we had coming up and unfortunately it was BEFORE Christmas. After this bender, I had a dilemma, I gave away everything I’d just shopped for and now WHAT WAS I GOING TO GIVE FOR CHRISTMAS! Out I had to go shopping again but luckily for everyone on my list, I had such a creative mind that I found another really cool set of gifts for my list, things that were BETTER than what I just gave away. My husband stood at the door looking at my arms loaded with bags and held out his hands. “Hand them over,” he said. “What?” How could I part with these perfect gifts? “Give them to me, you’ll give them away again and we’ll have to take out a second mortgage to cover Christmas this year,” he muttered. “But I won’t do that, honest. Just this one thing for you,” I started to reach into the bag. With the nimbleness of knowing that it was going to hit his wallet, he takes all the bags from me before I can pull anything out and walks away with them, I start to follow he stops and turns, “You go somewhere else, I’m going to hide these until Christmas Eve when the shops are closed.” I feel like the addict wondering what am I going to do with 5 days and no presents to give out? “But, I mean, don’t you want me to wrap them?” He replies, “You can wrap everything Christmas Eve. Don’t move.” I watch him go into the garage, calculating in my mind all the possible places he could hide them in there, I have a good guess of where if I find the need to look for them – just to wrap them. Of course, he didn’t know about the special present still in my car for him, so to appease my addiction to Christmas giving I follow him saying, “Look at this big box, don’t you want to know what’s in it? It’s the PERFECT present for you!” Watch out for that Christmas Bender, buy your presents early, wrap them and hide them----just don’t forget where you hid them come Christmas Eve otherwise you’ll be out with the rest of humanity on Christmas Eve fighting the mall traffic! Ever find that perfect present and can’t wait to give it to the one you love?

A Little Mind Game Is A Terrible Thing to Waste

Standing at the top of a mountain, one foot attached to a snowboard, the second waiting to attach, I’m struck with something amazing. “I’m too old for this shit,” I think as I look down there and watch someone wipe out. Sure they get up and keep going but when I fall, it hurts. Maybe I’ve got a longer distance to fall that a child, I’ve got more padding around the assets so it shouldn’t hurt as bad, but it does. My mind and my body tell me, “we don’t want to do this, we remember all the aches and pains from last year, why do it again this year?” I look down again and like most things in my life, I have to talk myself into starting. In races, I tell myself at the starting line that I haven’t come this far in training to turn around and walk away no matter how tempting it may be. Plus I show up right before the gun goes off so there’s not so much time to THINK about what I’m getting myself into. On a snowboard it’s a little easier, the only way down is to go down. You can’t ride the lift back down, it’s down the mountain or sit up there and freeze. So I think, I could WALK down the mountain then go find the peppermint schnappes, but that same ego jumps in, “you can do this, you did it all last year, sure you sucked at it, but you did it. Now strap that foot in and go.” Most snowboarders don’t really care about strapping that foot in, but those of us just starting out get A LITTLE nervous about attaching both feet to a board with no way to get them out. So I strap in and down I go, no really, down I go. I fall down the first part of the hill on my face, the second part of the hill on my back but actually make it down. I hit the bottom, really, hit the bottom and look at the lift. “Don’t do it,” I hear that little voice in my head, “Go for it” says another voice but all my body says is “WHY?” as I head for the lift. I’m sore, I can’t turn my head to the right or lift my arms above my shoulder and I can’t show you my bruise. But my ego is still intact and I didn’t listen to that little voice and as I ride the lift again on day two, I’m determined to ride not slide down the mountain. Anything hard in life is always worth the effort once you achieve it, that feeling that is oh so sweet when you’re able to make it without wiping out is worth all the bumps and bruises on the way.

A Little Elfin Magic by Hanz

An elf’s life at the Melang Household. Hanz our resident Christmas elf wanted to share how hard it is to be an elf at the Melang House! “Santa put me on this duty of watching the Melang Boys and reporting back if they’ve been naughty or nice. He never told me how hard it would be! First I keep trying to hide around the house from the boys, but every morning little Max is up at 530am LOOKING for me, and finds me every time! Here comes his hand pulling me from behind the Ovaltine in the pantry and running screaming to his Mom! I wish he would wash his hands before carrying me! Then they take my candy stash, I keep trying to hide my candy under their pillows but the first night the dog ate it (starburst) then the second night the boys found it an ate it! I’m going to have to find better places to hide candy! Then comes competition, Santa knew that the Melang boys are very busy so he sent two friends – Franz and Theodore to help me keep track of them. They’re twins, and like to hide in the same place, one of their favorites was in Max and Wolfgang’s shoes on the morning they traveled back from the mountains. Since the family travels back and forth from the Mountains, I’ve got to use my Elfen Magic to travel too! I’m not sure I have enough fairy dust! Every morning we hide around the house but every morning someone FINDS US! I’ve been carried around the house by the dog, dropped on my head by their Dad, and even dropped in the toilet! The humiliation never ceases, luckily like their Mom, I just get up, glue my head back on my body and keep going! She’s given me a few energy gels to help but nothing like fairy dust and sugar! I am happy to say that both boys at this time are on the NICE list (we checked on the computer). I’ve written notes in my elfen hand telling them to stop fighting and share the remote to stay on the NICE list! My handwriting is so small that only the boys can read it, cause Jeez, I am a small dude! So Merry Christmas from the Melang House and take a good look around your home – one of my friends may be hiding there and you haven’t found them yet!

Give Thanks - a fable

A man walked down a lonely country road, upset at his lot in life, damning himself and those around him. He was in a sad state, lonely, broke and sick. He stumbled along thinking; if I just keep moving eventually I’ll fall down and disappear into the earth, back to the dust from which I came. He shoes were old, with more holes than leather, the dust of the road coating them in a light brown sheen. His pants once were pressed and clean, the result of a trip to the dry cleaner a long time ago but hadn’t seen the inside of a washing machine in some time, the pockets had holes in them it didn’t matter because he had nothing to put in them. He wore an old button down shirt with a sweater against the cold, each belonging to someone else and found for free. To him, it didn’t matter how he looked, there was no one on the road anyway, he could be walking naked for all he cared, and he had nowhere to go. He was playing the blame game in his mind, blaming everything and everyone as he shuffled along. People didn’t help him enough; he’d be farther along if someone would help him. Why is life so hard for him when everyone else had it so easy? He should have more, he deserved more why did everything work against him to take everything he had? What he didn’t realize was that much was happening on that road, what he was missing. As he shuffled along, he didn’t see the red bird sitting in the tree staring at him, a beautiful song sitting on her lips waiting for the right moment to start. When she did start, he was too far along to hear, the only sound he heard was his feet crunching in the dirt. He passed a family of deer sitting still in the trees, the brown of their coat helping them to blend in. Miraculously they went through the morning in the path of hunters but for some reason were never seen, the two small fawns nuzzling at some grass peeking through bits of snow on the ground. They stayed close to their mother, quiet as he walked by. The most amazing part of his journey was right there under his feet. As he walked along he passed a beautiful stone that sparkled in the sunlight, he actually kicked it with his shoe, should have felt the stone through the hole in the front of his shoe but he was so wrapped up in himself that he missed it as he flung to the side of the road to a stop in the grass next to a small clump of snow. The gem was special, it was beautiful, full of color, full of sparkle waiting to be found. The material value of the gem would have set the man in the apartment he was dreaming about, bought him new clean clothes even his favorite pair of shoes, but like all the opportunities in his life he didn’t see what was right in front of him and let it pass him by. He didn’t see that God gave him great blessings, that by focusing on what he could not have he didn’t see what he already had and what was offered to him. He went along that road being selfish, thinking of himself and not letting anyone else in. If he’d stopped and gave thanks, he’d seen that gem, picked it up and call himself a lucky man. If he’d stop and give thanks for his life, he’d see the gem inside of himself and realize that he already was a lucky man. The sun was beginning to set as he continued down that road, the deer ran into the woods settling in a bed of leaves for warmth, the bird flying up to her nest and settling for the night with a sigh. The man walked on, while the gem sat unnoticed until the next lucky man walked by. What gem sits on your road? Are you thankful for the journey?

Technically I'm not available....

There are so many outlets no on the computer and internet to socialize with others, I love staying in touch with friends and family using these outlets, but they are beginning to erode my confidence. It starts with my Yahoo Mail Account. I log in and the first thing it asks me is my chat status….

Are you…..

The options are Available, Busy or Invisible. I stare at all three. I could choose to say that I am Available, but I’ve been married close to 25 years so technically I’m NOT available. I could choose busy, because aint that the truth, I’ve got 1 husband, 2 small boys and 1 dog so yeah, I’m pretty busy. But right now I should choose invisible because I feel pretty invisible every time I ask someone to pickup their clothes off the floor, or close the cabinet doors or put the roll of toilet paper ON THE TOILET PAPER ROLL! Choosing invisible means my friends can’t chat with me, so I choose to say I’m available, saying to my wonderful husband, “Technically I’m not available in that way, I’m just available.”

Then I go over to Facebook and it tells me that I don’t have enough friends, “I have plenty of friends, I think.” If asks me to help some of my friends make friends and a few I do feel sorry for them, gee, they don’t have any friends so it’s my duty to help them find friends. Then I wonder, is it asking MY friends to help me FIND FRIENDS? Do I really have enough friends? At least Facebook Chat asks the simple question, are you Online or Offline……it does let me choose a relationship status. I once choose Its Complicated prompting my dear husband to come and ask, “What’s so complicated? ”

So in Yahoo, I’m Available but not in that way, I’ve got plenty of friends in Facebook to feel that I’m a pretty cool person, and as always I’m ready to chat. Don’t worry, I don’t think any less of you when Facebook tells me YOU don’t have ENOUGH friends, I’ll help you out. Are you available today?

Snake Wrangling Melang Style!

I don't like snakes, one of the bad things about having boys - one of which who loves snakes. So when I find the 6 foot snake all I can think about is KILLING the snake and removing it from the garage - thinking pitch fork, scythe, or machette style.

Then I pull into the garage and find a small black snake caught in a glue trap sitting in the middle and my first thought is to just throw it into the trash and let my fantasy come real. My son, however has another idea,
"Mom, we have to save it." He states looking at the snake.
"Save it? Why?" I'm getting the willys watching it move.
"Because it is God's creature..." He states.....dang, how can I argue with that.

He runs and disappears into the house and comes out with my dish gloves on, "How are we going to get him off the glue?"

I go back inside and thanks to quick typing fingers come up with a plan. Did you know that cooking on the snake will make it slippery enough to get off a clue trap?

We're out there with olive oil (poor snake) and gloves and I explain to Max that he has to hold the snakes head down while I try to open the trap. Each time the snake moves I squeal and jump up and down a few times trying to quell the heeby jeebys. "Why are you jumping up and down?"

"It's the only way to keep myself from running into the house and sitting in the corner sucking my thumb," I reply.

So we get the trap open, and the snake takes a swipe at me when Max lets go, Wolf shakes his head, "Not touching it, I'm going inside."

The snake lies there, it's mouth open at us......yeah, I'm a snake......I know you are trying to help me, but I must try to bite you......yeah, I'm a snake.....that's what I do.....

Fiften minutes later, several jumps, 26 squeals we have successfully freed the snake from the trap. He lays there exhausted next to the glue trap, we stand there looking at him exhausted too, but he is free.

"We did it...' Max Smiles....OK, I tell myself, it was worth it.

We watch him slither away and Max quietly says, "You know I think the snake skin we found in the garage was MUCH bigger than that....."

Oh dang, I'm screwed! Did you know you could use cooking oil to get a snake off a glue trap??

Who's in Charge here?

Most that know me, know that I cannot find my way out of a paper bag….so the invention of the GPS was a very welcome addition to my travels, saving me a lot of time so I thought. I went to visit my sister in St. Michaels and was trying to get back to Baltimore so I plugged in Baltimore and let the GPS do its magic to find me there.
I’m driving, and driving then start wondering when I’ve moved from major roads to very minor roads, my GPS still confident that it will get me where I am going.
“This isn’t the way I used to get there?” I talk to the air.
“Turn right on Ma N Pa Drive and follow for 8 tenths of a mile,” the GPS replies.
“But this is a gravel road,” I say as I kick up dust from the rental car.
“Turn right on RedNeck Lane then make an immediate left into Hatfield Family Lane,” the GPS replies confidently.
I take all these back roads wondering if I am going the right way, when I come out of the woods and right up to a dead end and WATER! “Take the Oxford Ferry,” my GPS states.
“What?” I look at a very old man standing at a small boat waving to me looking like, “well come on?”
“Take the Oxford Ferry,” the GPS says again.
“This isn’t the right way,” I whine to no one, the man still waving me on. Finally he gets frustrated and walks up to me. “Are you taking the Ferry?” He asks, I can almost feel the GPS saying, “That’s what I TOLD HER to do.”
“I’m trying to get to Baltimore,” I reply looking at the boat.
“What?” He looks at me like I’m crazy.
“Will this take me to Baltimore?” I ask.
“I don’t know…..” He replies looking at the car that just pulled up behind me, she’s looking more confident that me.
“My GPS said it would,” I hold up the GPS screen it is confident in its route pointing the way.
He looks at it, “Looks like it will, there’s someone waiting behind you, are you taking the ferry?”
“Can I turn around?” Looking at the wooden bridge to the ferry, pretty tight looks like I am pretty committed.
“Take the Oxford Ferry,” the GPS repeats, I almost catch myself saying, “Shaddup!”
“Ummm, not really, you’re in the lane to take the ferry, and someone’s waiting….” The captain of the boat is looking out his window like, “What in the hell is going on?”
“Take the Oxford Ferry,” the GPS repeats itself, I’m waiting for it to add “you idiot” to the line.

So I take the oxford ferry (11 dollars later) then follow the GPS through a beautiful small town along a bunch of other roads and back onto my highway and into more familiar territory. It was a surprise but fun byway, probably picked by the GPS because it knew I needed to slow down and enjoy the sights. Or I made a wrong turn and the GPs thought, “Oh she wants to take the scenic route……” Either way sometimes life can throw in a detour, rather than getting upset go with it and enjoy the ride!