WTF - Operation Possum Soup

For those new here, we live in a very small town. You can open your front door, yell out a secret and it's on the front page of the town paper the next day.

Yes, word travels fast.

And it travels efficiently.

Our home is considered a vacation paradise, meaning around 350 people live here full time, the rest own vacation homes. Some open only for escaping the heat of summer, while others simply for the local ski resort for winter. Then there's us, we love it all!!

Needless to say, there are vacant homes around us, some for sale, some just sitting there, for years!

One such house is my neighbor, whom I'll call the Vacant/IsItForSale house.

I was on my daily run as I pass the Vacant/IsItForSale house I noticed a smell that brought me to my knees.

My years of watching CSI kicked into gear, am I finally going to be that jogger finding a dead body?

Do I want to find a dead body so close to my house?

Where are my kids? They were fighting when I left.

This smell was not a freshly dead body, so my kids were safe. This smell was the grab you by the collar of your shirt smack you in the face till you cry kind of smell.

The stuff nightmares are made of.  And you know I had to investigate.

First clue, "Wow! Look at that huge cloud of black flies in VacantHouse/IsItForSale's garbage, could it be there?

Possibly.

I walk a little closer, listening to the hum of the flies, putting my hand over my nose, my own sweat smells better than this smell.

I take a little peak over the edge of a trash can.  Oh.

Poor Peter Possum must have looked in this garbage can say maybe 3-4 weeks ago for something tasty and fell in. I remember someone at the house fixing something, did they put the lid on it?

Well the lid is off and there is a nice brown Possum soup in the trash can the flies are feasting on.

I can't take the trash can anywhere, my car is too small and the smell, oh, that smell.

So I do what a good neighbor does, I call the city, disguising my voice so I sound like Pee Wee Herman, "Herro, there is a terrible smelling dead animal in the vacation house at 1030 FoulSmelling Lane. I'm not the neighbor, I'm just a concerned citizen reporting this."

I thought my acting debut was perfect, then wonder how long will it sit there? Didn't I read a story about a memorial in Canada to a dead raccoon the city wouldn't come pick up for 30DAYS? (Hilarious story, if you want to read it click Here) I'm thinking we could have an outdoor service (can't do indoor, the smell) then a dedication to Possum Soup trash can.

To my amazement, my utility dollars are well spent, the city trash truck comes around the bend the next day, a day ahead normal trash pickup stoping at Vacant/IsItForSale house.

I feel bad calling it in, hiding behind the railing of my deck watching three men get out of the truck. Yes, it will take three men to figure out what to do, the smell is that bad.

They get to the trash can and I swear I see one almost go to his knees (like me) while the other two step away from the black cloud of flies having a party, their hands on their noses (maybe they didn't believe PeeWee Herman, I mean me when I called it in)

I'm sure they are having a serious discussion on who gets the pleasure of touching the trash can, until it looks like one of them seems to say "F*ck it" grabbing the trash can and throwing it in the garbage truck.  Bye Bye Peter. I hear the truck churn and churn for a good ten minutes, hoping that maybe they picked up a bunch of laundry sheets helping Peter get his proper burial.

They pull the can back out and toss it in the trash bid. I'm sure all the flies are buzzing around going, "What? What happened? Where's the buffet?"

Thank you, Thank you my heroes, the utility workers, you braved something I couldn't handle and came out with your heads held high and no possum juice on your hands!

By the way, I'll be stopping by with pizza tomorrow as a thank you because you see, I run that road almost every single day.

OK, back to looking for my dead body.

WTF - Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss - Do you like the snow?

I am Kel
Kel, Oh well.

That Kel, That Kel
She think's she's swell
That Kel, That Kel
The stories she tells

Would you like some more snow?
Soft and fluffy and off we go?

I do not want any more snow,
I do not want it now you know.

Would you like to take a ride?
Down the hill on skis we glide?

I told you once, I don't want to ride.
This cold weather makes me hide.
And no I don't want more snow.
I do not want it, now you know.

Would you could you hit the rink?
Ice skate around, don't you think?

No, no, I don't want to ride.
Downhill on skis that slide.
I do not, will not hit the rink.
No thanks to ice skating, it just stinks.
And no, no, please no more snow.
I do not want it, now you know!

Perhaps, a good wintery slope,
It is a perfect day, one could hope?

There is no hope, not even a slope.
It's too cold outside you dope!
I do not want to ride,
I do not want to go outside.
I do not want to hit the rink,
Open that door and I'll cause a stink.
You didn't hear me, please no more snow.
I do not want it, now you know!

Would you, could you think of tubing?
A fun winter sport of choosing?

Take a tube on a cold winter day? 
Leave me be, please, I pray.
I will not ride down a slope,
I will not ride, you dope!
I will not ski, don't you see?
It's too cold outside for me!
I don't want to fall in a rink,
Hit the ice? now way, I think.
I do not want to go out in the snow!
I do not, do not, now you know.

You do not like snow,
So you say,
Try it, try it,
And you may.
Open the door, take a small step outside,
Try it, try it, to say you tried.

Oh Kel, if you'll let me be,
I'll step outside and see.
I'll try the snow, 
I'll try it for you.
I will not like it like you do.

Wait!
It's so pretty, I like the snow!
I like it, I like it! Now I know!
I will go ski on this pretty day.
I'll ride the lift to the top, I say!
I will hit the rink for a turn or two.
I'll even take a break with a brew.
Maybe after that beer in a tube I'll ride,
I'll do it all and stay outside.


I do like the fluffy snow!
I do like it, 
now I know!




  

WTF - Indispesible Snow Driving Tips

With all the snow we received the past few days, I thought Id share successful snow driving tips for mountain living.

1.  Make sure you leave all the snow piled on top of your car and on the hood. This makes the driver behind you feel like they are in a snow globe as it blows off your car on the road.  On another note it will keep drivers behind you at a safe distance.

2.  Create a real video game atmosphere by only clearing a 4 in circle on your windshield.  This will give the real feel to M1A1 tank! Bring a toy gun with you to complete the experience.

3.  Your hazard lights are a great way to alert all the drivers around you that it is snowing.  Make sure they pay attention to you by honking your horn as they pass you.

4.  The "I'm about to crap myself" look on your face is great for sagging skin. It will make you look 10 years younger. It is especially flattering when framed by the 4in hole you cleared on your windshield.

5.  Your high beams at night are the perfect way to see every snowflake. Turn them on and leave them on for the rest of your vacation.

6.  If you have 4WD, even if you've never used it before, make sure you drive as fast as you can, alerting all the other drivers that you have 4WD. This is especially true if you don't know how to turn on your 4WD, drive as fast as you can, your car will let you know when it needs it by sliding into the ditch.

7. The driver in front of you is the perfect leader on the road.  Follow that driver as close as you can finding their tracks in the snow. Their hazard lights will let you know when to stop.

8.  Check the brakes on your car frequently. Make sure they are in working order by slamming on them when you hit 15 MPH and you were planning on 10 MPH.

9.  Your turn begins the second you hit your destined road, don't inconvenience the drivers behind you by slowing down for your turn. Turn signals are not needed as your hazard lights are already on.

10.  Make sure you honk hello to the fellow drivers, especially those that do not know they are facing the wrong way on the road or the ones in the ditch. It makes them feel part of the community.

Bonus Tip:  Gunning your car for long periods of time will help it gain traction, the turning wheels will melt the ice. If you all of a sudden move, don't worry, your hazards have already alerted other drivers there is snow and they will be watching YOU!

What other winter driving tips would you ad?

Scoring With Dumpster Diving

I've written in my book about the fabulous dumpsters of Beech Mountain, and my amazing finds in those dumpsters. I thought I would share my most current find.

The Beech Mountain dumpsters become heaven to a dumpster diver several times a year, when houses are opened for winter rentals, when houses are closed for winter rentals, when houses are open for the summer residents and when houses are closed by the summer residents. 

The dump pretty much takes everything, the employees nice enough to sit out the "good stuff" for people like me to shop through.  I've found, vacuums, TV's, computer screens, paintings, and my outdoor furniture set at the Beech Mountain dump.

So when this lovely little thing appeared, there was Who Concert style rush to claim the prize. Of

course, I was able to elbow my way past everyone else, proudly bringing it home.

My kids looked at it and said, "Whoa."

My Husband looked at it and said, "What are we going to do with that?"

I didn't care, I'd won the prize, I'd found the most unique item in the dump.

then I was informed by the people working there, that my prize may be up there, but they've found way cooler stuff at the dump,

"I've got a wall at home full of Beech Mountain dump souvenirs.
cowboy boots
Bags of clothes with the tags still on
PBR Neon signs (I'm jealous on this one)
A family album of pictures with a knife lodged in the middle of it. (cringe)
A Vinyl record to CD recording machine
Phones
That exercise machine that hangs you upside down

Of course, the mornings in the summer when the bear pokes his head out of the dumpster as you walk toward it, as if saying, "Oh is the buffet closing for the morning? One more waffle then I'll be on my way."

We had a nice discussion comparing local dumpster diving, one giving me another invaluable tip, "If you want the good stuff, go over to App when school lets out. I once heard of someone furnishing their home with student stuff one year."

As I get ready to leave they ask, "Are you looking for something in particular? We can put it aside if it comes in?"

I think about it, "Oh I'll just come by periodically, I love the shopping.

What's the craziest thing you found at the dump?

Better yet, what would you do with my sombrero?

Have you picked up Views From 5506?

Looking for something to do? Beech Mountain Mile High Kite Festival

Oh, oh, oh!
Let's go fly a kite
Up to the highest height!
Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring
Up through the atmosphere
Up where the air is clear
Oh, let's go fly a kite!

-song lyrics from "Let's Go Fly a Kite" from Mary Poppins.

There is nothing more fun or more relaxing, depending on how you look at it than the Mile High Kite Festival of Beech Mountain, NC.  At 5506' above sea level, Beech Mountain is the highest incorporated town east of the Rockies.  So when you fly a kite on this mountain, it is over a mile high!

Every Labor Day weekend, families enjoy the opening of The Meadows of Beech Mountain for a Kite Festival, not just  for flying kites.  The festival includes:

50 crafters and artisans for browsing.

A Kids Fun Zone with activities

Free Kites to the first 150 people

Certificates celebrating flying a Kite a Mile High (I could insert a joke in here, but choose not to)

Food, Music and of course FUN.

Richmond Air Force, Wings Across Carolina Kiting and Okra Society Kiting Clubs will have kiting demonstrations and techniques along with amazing displays.  Contest for best decorated kites and other fun activities fill the day.

Don't have a kite?  You can always purchase a kite from the vendors at the festival, or if you are the first 150, you'll get a free kite to decorate.  If you remember to stop and pickup a kite along the way, you're ensuring you don't arrive at the Meadows with nothing to fly.

I love getting there early, there are a lot of people in one place trying to fly a kite.  My sons and I setup camp along the edge of the meadows, that way there isn't too many people to run into.  Biggest thing to remember during this festival is that there are a ton of kids trying to fly a kite, and all of them will be running up and down the Meadows not sure what to do.  See it as a fun day, don't worry if your kite string gets tangled 1,432 times, or you accidentally run over the 3yr old trying their best.  Better yet, let everyone else fly their kites and sit and people watching, best free entertainment you can ask for. If you are looking for smaller crowds, try at the very beginning of the festival or towards the end.

If you tire of the festival, live music at Eastern America's Highest Bar, 5506, located at the top of Beech Mountain Ski Mountain starts at 330pm.  Food and drink are also available, but the view is what you will talk about on your drive home.

Local restaurants for a relaxing lunch include Brick Oven Pizza, Bullwinkles Pizza, Beech Alpen Inn, Fred's General Mercantile Deli, Fast Eddies, and Mile High Tavern.  Food and drink are also available at the festival.

Most hotels in the area offer lodging, there are still cabin rentals available (with discounts available), or just make a day trip out of it.  If you decide to stay the long weekend, Beech Alpen Inn offers live music on Sunday evening starting at 5pm.  Take a hike along the Emerald Outback, or sit beside Lower Pond Creek listening to the water flow.  Either way with highs in the 70's and lows in the upper 50's after our heatwave this summer, Beech Mountain is going to feel good!

So think about a day trip to fly a kite.  Get up early and plan your drive along the Blue Ridge Parkway, stop for a few sights, then head up the mountain.  You'll see the festival right away, meaning you'll see the kites right away.  Leave with a certificate celebrating your Mile High Kite journey, then plan another trip back when the leaves change.

Details for the Kite Festival are located here.

Oh, oh, oh!
Let's go fly a kite
Up to the highest height!
Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring
Up through the atmosphere
Up where the air is clear
Oh, let's go fly a kite!

-song lyrics from "Let's Go Fly a Kite" from Mary Poppins.

Is He Talking to Me? Or Hello There! - Beech Mountain, NC

Either on your first trip to Beech Mountain, or your 40th year of living here, there are two types of people on the mountain.  Those who wave and those who don’t wave.  

Those who wave are a very jolly lot, they are happy to be on the mountain, in the cool summer breeze and show it by showing appreciation to everyone they see.  This starts in the car.  When driving the roads of Beech Mountain, keep your right hand free from the steering wheel because you will spend a lot of time waving back to people you do not know.  This includes the driver in the other car just being courteous, the walker by the side of the road making sure you see them to your kids chasing behind the car because you forgot them.  “We's all family on Beech Mountain," meaning we expect everyone to be courteous, that means wave.

Non wavers are usually not from the area.  If they moved here and didn’t wave after the first few weeks, someone would explain to them that waving is expected on Beech Mountain.  An elderly friend came to visit, we were driving down to the Beech Mountain Club pool, I was stunned, he was clearly violating the wave policy of the mountain.  “Why are all these people waving to me?  I don’t know any of them.” He muttered, his hands staying at 10 and 2 on the steering wheel navigating the windy roads.  “They are trying to be friendly,” I answered back, waving for him, figuring if they saw me wave the sentiment was expressed therefore we stay in good standing.  “They need to go wave to someone else.” He muttered slowly driving his 15 miles per hour.  These people usually come from the North, where everyone isn’t family in a small given area, they usually think someone waving to them means stop and pick them up so they can rob you. Usually these types gun the engine continuing on.

Another non-waver is the new driver to Beech Mountain, they are so busy trying to navigate the switchbacks while not hitting other drivers, adding in a wave is just beyond their comprehension.  I was in the car with a new driver, explaining the wave policy, his face turning white, I added, “Don’t wave, I’ll do it for you.  Just keep your hands at 10 and 2.” So if you wave to someone and they don’t wave back with that deer in the headlights look, just figure they are trying to avoid a collision with you, quite possibly saving your life.

Some wavers are very enthusiastic, one example during the summer is the senior citizen.  If you see them waving at you in a panic, don’t worry.  You can still stop and ask if they are having a heart attack, but you’ll find the reason they are waving is for you to “SLOW DOWN!”  It doesn’t matter if you are doing 20 or 8 miles per hour, it will be too fast for this poor soul walking his little dog.  Just wave back at him and move along on your merry way.

The other type of enthusiastic wavers, are the people waving that actually know you.  Believe me, the longer you stay on Beech Mountain, the more people will know about you.  It will go from the casual acquaintance to the, “I saw your red 2013 Acura with the dent on the right front panel in the parking lot of the restaurant and thought I’d come in and say hello.”  No really, they will know the car you drive, the color of the clothes you wear on the ski slopes, to the color of your yoga mat for exercise class.  If they are waving enthusiastically, just do the same because you probably do know them, you just haven’t seen them yet without their goggles.

Which brings me to the friendliness of this small mountain town, everyone is family when it comes to Beech Mountain.  One epic family story involves a local legend, who I invited over to dinner after skiing on the slopes.  I never saw him that night figuring he got a better deal until the next day he was screaming at me from the lift chair, telling me to stop and wait right there for him.  He came flying down the hill with this story:

“You’re not going to believe it.  I went over to your house last night.”

“What? I didn’t see you.”

“Hold on.  I went in took my shoes off leaving them by the door like everyone else.  I am polite like that.  I went a grabbed a beer from the fridge, sat on the sofa for the football game, cracked open the beer then looked around.  I didn’t recognize a soul.”

“What?”

“I was in the wrong house!”  He was laughing, he was still with us so no one shot him.

“What happened?” I asked.

“Well, they invited me to dinner.” He said matter of factly.

Of course, we’re on Beech Mountain.  “What did you do?”  I asked, incredulous.

“I stayed and ate.”

So if you want to be part of Beech Mountain family, then practice your waves.  Your prom waves, your wrestler tap outs, to simply the “I don’t know you but I’ve read here that you are supposed to wave” waves, we’re all family on the mountain and you may just get a free meal out of it.

How to feel old....

Want to know what it feels like to be old?  Try something new later in life, say when you're over 25 years old like myself.  Yesterday I decided to try snowboarding on a dare from my two children, "Come on Mom, everyone's doing it."  My brain replied, "If everyone was jumping off a cliff would you jump off too?"  But I gleefully went to the demo shop and rented the board.

I was pleasantly surprised that I could walk so much better in snowboarding boots as I carried my board feeling very young and hip over to the baby yard of the ski resort.  My son, the great instructor he is said, "Now just strap it in and go down the hill."  If I were under 3 feet and it didn't hurt as much hitting the ground, I'd probably take that advice but my mind was explaining the law of gravity on old bones and joints along with no experience, so I strapped the board in and went down the hill-on my butt.

If you really want to feel old, take a snowboarding lesson as a way to learn the right way to do it, but with a cute YOUNG (yes, under 25 so younger than myself) instructor who looks like a graceful ballerina as she says, "you just turn your body, while keeping balance on the board, head up and slowly go like a falling leaf down the hill."  Cue old fart not looking so young and hip, going like a rolling rock down the hill.

Then finally if you want to feel old spend the day looking up at the sky as you wipe out on a continuous basis trying to make it down the baby hill as little kids on same said boards fly past you.  Feel old as the mountain closes and you are not sure you have the energy to walk back to the rental shop, let alone have that apres ski beer with said cute instructor who looks like she hasn't broken a sweat all day.  Then go home and soak in your epsom salt bath with an IV of Ibuprophen in your system and contemplate how you're just too damn old to learn something new.

Then think of all the ways you can be that falling leaf going down the mountain and get up the next day and do it again.  Screw getting old, just fight it each step of the way....

The art of surviving pumpkin carving with boys!

The poor pumpkin sat there for days, awaiting his fate.  It is a his, because my boys named him, "Turdalicious" no really, they were talking that but I made them settle on "Punky Pumpkin" boy Mom can be so boring.  So poor Punky watched as the boys came running out of the house with Psycho style knives, then after my yelling coming out again with the smaller Criminal Minds knives, the ice cream scoop (my idea).  We rounded what we needed with a stiff martini for Mom and at least two sips before the games begin.

I wonder if I should be afraid at the maniacle looks on their faces as I let them hold the knives to "sketch out" the face for Punky.  The first try at sketching involved a serious stab into the poor boy, so I banished them as Mom sipped the martini and started taking the lid off of Punky.  Once the lid was off, this is where the ice cream scoop came in, what easier way to carve out the "guys" (my boys term) than with an ice cream scoop!  The ice cream scoop along with two little arms to pull at the "gooey, chunky, yucky mass" (their words) we hallowed out Punky.  I have to keep the boys from stabbing each other, from taking off a finger as they both dig out the eye, keep them apart when they argue about who got the most "guts" out!  I can't tell if they enjoyed more the stabbing of the pumpkin or the gooey insides (is there an episode about this on Criminal Minds?)  Then we came to the face, both explained they wanted a scary, yet funny face.  A pumpkin that would have trick or treaters running screaming but would make them laugh.  How in the heck do you do that?  Another sip of the martini and I figure you're typical pumpkin face will accomplish the "look" we are going for. 

5 minutes into carving the face, I realize I'm by myself.  Both boys have disappeared to watch spaghetti cat on youtube and left me to stitch up poor Punky's wounds.  When I come in and ask them what they are doing, they simply tell me they are waiting for me to finish so they can supervise.  Aren't you supposed to supervise during the project?  And when do kids supervise the parents?

We make Punky into a true Jack o Lantern and they both say, "Our work looks good!"  Their work, their work?  I'm left with cleaning up the pumpkin goo, roasting the seeds, and finding the candle to bring Punky to life.  Little trick I learned, put the GOO in water and the pumpkin seeds will float to the top!  Punky and I high five each other and bask in the glory that is Halloween!  BOO!!