WTF - Facebook you Changed!!

Facebook has unveiled their new emoticons  for "reacting" to posts.  Many commenting that they are glad there is a "love" button, others saying they haven't gone far enough.

My emotional status has changed with the addition of these emoticons.  It used to be easy.

I look at a post on Facebook, I think about the profound words spoken,

"I like this," I say as I click the button.

I look at a political post on Facebook, I think about the profound words written and I simply scroll by because it is either, too long, not my view point, or I have no idea what the author is talking about.

Many of my friends know that I do not comment on much stuff, because when I "like" it then people know that I am actually on Facebook.

Now, the plot thickens, and decisions get difficult:

I look at a post and have a full conversation with myself"

"So, do I like or do I love this post.  If I love this post then it puts it above other posts, how would those people feel about all those posts that I simply liked.

Should I post an explanation that now I can LOVE posts instead of just LIKING them, that way anything done earlier than today is different?

Would I offend someone if I WOW instead of LOVE the post? What if they come back and ban be after not loving their post.

What if I react to something as HA HA, would they think I am laughing at them instead of laughing at what they post? Maybe if I go back and LOVE the post then the HA HA I originally put in would wear off?

Life was simple when there was a LIKE button. You either liked something or didn't. Now with all the crazy people on the Crackbook, there is so much more behind the different emoticons for reacting to post.

Things like:

Why did she only LIKE my post.  Didn't she see how hilarious this is, that I should have a WOW button on this one or better yet a LOVE button?

Oh my God, she LOVED my post, can't she see that I am mourning a lost boyfriend?  Who could LOVE this?

Why did she say WOW with my weight loss?  Is it a WOW because I look good or a WOW, it doesn't look like you lost anything at all. I'm going over and DISLIKING everything she's posted.

Why did that girl LOVE what my boyfriend posted?  Are they an item?

See it is great that you can now "react" more to Facebook posts, but we can't put Pandora back in the box now that it is open, now can we?

Of course they missed the most important Facebook Emoticons:

NOPE

WHHHAAAATTTTT?

CAN OF WHOOPASS

MEH

AWW, HELLO NO

Oh and the important one:

NOONE CARES.

WTF - Daytime Rockstars

Living in a resort style environment, the fun never stops. In order to survive, we've become Daytime Rockstars.  What is a daytime rockstar?

Daytime Rockstars are that wild breed loving a great party, until it is bedtime. We time the last beer to one hour prior to our multi vitamin and sleeping mask.

Daytime Rockstars coined the phrase, "It is five o'clock somewhere" because usually we feel legal having a beer at noon on a Saturday because we are in bed by 9:37 then back up before the sun rises for more fun.

Daytime Rockstars have perfected the time of the "peak." This is usually after that first bloody Mary at brunch, way before the "shit show" at the stroke of midnight. They recognize when their body gently says, "It's gonna get ugly from here on out" or their mind reminds them, "no one appreciated the last time you danced on the bar, time to go home."

Daytime Rockstars avoid bars that advertise Happy Hours starting at 5 o'clock, or a band that starts at 830pm or large groups of friends going out for "just one."

Daytime Rockstars have also perfected the art of the "leave." 

They realize the words, "I'm out of here" should never be spoken in an open bar after sunset, prompting every friend to either

buy them another drink
convince them they will miss the most EPIC party evah
make them feel guilty, "you are the life of the party, why leave?"
grab them, not letting go until the bar closes.

Exit Strategies of Daytime Rockstars include:

Bait and Switch - this involves the bartender, take one for sleep, paying for the round of shots, distracting everyone as they sneak out the front door.

The Bus - this involves throwing another Daytime Rockstar under the bus, loudly proclaiming, "Shirley just said she was leaving!"  then exiting quietly as everyone convinces Shirley she should stay for just "one more."

Rear Window - Tell everyone you have to use the bathroom, hold your stomach and groan before closing and locking the door, this gives you time to use the screw driver in your purse to pry open the bathroom window.  Crawl out the rear window to freedom.

The Text - pay someone to send you a text and the appropriate time. Look at your phone, look shocked before confidently exiting the bar.  This usually only works once, unless everyone has already had your Bait and Switch shot and doesn't remember your dramatic exit from the bar earlier in the week..

Finally, The Braggart - splash cold water on your face, pinch your cheeks before proudly proclaiming, "This place is lame, I'm onto the next one!"  So what if no one knows your next one is "bed" and looking at "closed eyelids."

Look for the Daytime Rockstar among your friends, they are up early smiling and ready to do it again as everyone holds their heads complaining about staying up to late.

Or maybe it is the Centrum Silver kicking in giving them that smile.

WTF - How to handle snow days.

We moved to the mountains for snow, so there's no complaining here.  After a crappy December of NO SNOW, Mother Nature took pity on us.

Day 1 - Very happy that the school decided to call at 545am to call school. Watching the weather the night before and 6-8 inches told me we wouldn't have school anyway.  Can't get back to sleep.

Day 2 - Tell the kids they should try reading for 20 minutes each day. Youngest son pulled out a math snow day packet.  They were quiet downstairs, found them both napping amidst empty cookie boxes and pretzel bags.


Day 3 - Boys arguing so much, I sent them out to shovel. Whatever they could find. They shoveled a path to their ramp and rail, left the steps untouched. On their way out to shovel, my gloves, hat and sock bins exploded all over the downstairs.

Day 4 - youngest son has lost the math packet, I hope I didn't use it to start the fire.  Slipped and busted my ass on the unshoveled steps.  Locked both boys out of the house until the steps are shoveled. Amazingly all my sock, hat and glove bins exploded all over the downstairs.

Day 5 - Someone moved the xBox and Black Ops game upstairs while I was looking for the math packet. The shoveled steps now have a thin coat of ice on them, busted my ass again. (secretly counting bottles of wine and calculating what's needed before I can get to the store)

THE WEEKEND!  Couldn't sleep in because it was time to ski!

Day 6 - At least they called school the night before.  Netflix sent me a congratulatory letter for most hours watched while my iWatch is reminding me every 15 minutes that I am supposed to stand!

Day 7 - 3 hour delay, we all are kind of breathing a sigh of relief because I am quickly figuring out why some mothers eat their young.  Oh wait, school got called.  Let's make Rice Krispy Treats for breakfast.

Thank God we have a ski resort close, sending everyone over there.

How many bottles of wine are left?

WTF - Indispesible Snow Driving Tips

With all the snow we received the past few days, I thought Id share successful snow driving tips for mountain living.

1.  Make sure you leave all the snow piled on top of your car and on the hood. This makes the driver behind you feel like they are in a snow globe as it blows off your car on the road.  On another note it will keep drivers behind you at a safe distance.

2.  Create a real video game atmosphere by only clearing a 4 in circle on your windshield.  This will give the real feel to M1A1 tank! Bring a toy gun with you to complete the experience.

3.  Your hazard lights are a great way to alert all the drivers around you that it is snowing.  Make sure they pay attention to you by honking your horn as they pass you.

4.  The "I'm about to crap myself" look on your face is great for sagging skin. It will make you look 10 years younger. It is especially flattering when framed by the 4in hole you cleared on your windshield.

5.  Your high beams at night are the perfect way to see every snowflake. Turn them on and leave them on for the rest of your vacation.

6.  If you have 4WD, even if you've never used it before, make sure you drive as fast as you can, alerting all the other drivers that you have 4WD. This is especially true if you don't know how to turn on your 4WD, drive as fast as you can, your car will let you know when it needs it by sliding into the ditch.

7. The driver in front of you is the perfect leader on the road.  Follow that driver as close as you can finding their tracks in the snow. Their hazard lights will let you know when to stop.

8.  Check the brakes on your car frequently. Make sure they are in working order by slamming on them when you hit 15 MPH and you were planning on 10 MPH.

9.  Your turn begins the second you hit your destined road, don't inconvenience the drivers behind you by slowing down for your turn. Turn signals are not needed as your hazard lights are already on.

10.  Make sure you honk hello to the fellow drivers, especially those that do not know they are facing the wrong way on the road or the ones in the ditch. It makes them feel part of the community.

Bonus Tip:  Gunning your car for long periods of time will help it gain traction, the turning wheels will melt the ice. If you all of a sudden move, don't worry, your hazards have already alerted other drivers there is snow and they will be watching YOU!

What other winter driving tips would you ad?

Scoring With Dumpster Diving

I've written in my book about the fabulous dumpsters of Beech Mountain, and my amazing finds in those dumpsters. I thought I would share my most current find.

The Beech Mountain dumpsters become heaven to a dumpster diver several times a year, when houses are opened for winter rentals, when houses are closed for winter rentals, when houses are open for the summer residents and when houses are closed by the summer residents. 

The dump pretty much takes everything, the employees nice enough to sit out the "good stuff" for people like me to shop through.  I've found, vacuums, TV's, computer screens, paintings, and my outdoor furniture set at the Beech Mountain dump.

So when this lovely little thing appeared, there was Who Concert style rush to claim the prize. Of

course, I was able to elbow my way past everyone else, proudly bringing it home.

My kids looked at it and said, "Whoa."

My Husband looked at it and said, "What are we going to do with that?"

I didn't care, I'd won the prize, I'd found the most unique item in the dump.

then I was informed by the people working there, that my prize may be up there, but they've found way cooler stuff at the dump,

"I've got a wall at home full of Beech Mountain dump souvenirs.
cowboy boots
Bags of clothes with the tags still on
PBR Neon signs (I'm jealous on this one)
A family album of pictures with a knife lodged in the middle of it. (cringe)
A Vinyl record to CD recording machine
Phones
That exercise machine that hangs you upside down

Of course, the mornings in the summer when the bear pokes his head out of the dumpster as you walk toward it, as if saying, "Oh is the buffet closing for the morning? One more waffle then I'll be on my way."

We had a nice discussion comparing local dumpster diving, one giving me another invaluable tip, "If you want the good stuff, go over to App when school lets out. I once heard of someone furnishing their home with student stuff one year."

As I get ready to leave they ask, "Are you looking for something in particular? We can put it aside if it comes in?"

I think about it, "Oh I'll just come by periodically, I love the shopping.

What's the craziest thing you found at the dump?

Better yet, what would you do with my sombrero?

Have you picked up Views From 5506?

WTF - Candy Hearts

I'm sitting working and of course my computer whispers, "Come on Kel, you haven't participated in a major time suck in a WHILE! Go back to Crackbook!"

Of course I say, "Just for a second, I need a little break.  Then I find the Candy Heart Generator, and most of my morning goes to shit as I go on a binge.

I think, I can do better than, "UR Mine or Fax Me?" Who even faxes anymore?  So here's a few cool ones I'd add to the Brach's Bag.

To my husband:

And I get back just a question mark.

How about.....

To my youngest son: 

 He texts back, "What?"

So I send:

To my oldest son:

Of course, he replies, "Really?"  So I send this......

He replies,"Stop it Mom."

To my Sister:

To a friend!

Or:

So if you want something to kill an entire morning, well, here ya go!

http://www.cryptogram.com/hearts/

Let's move away from "Fax Me" something cool like: