What would you ask your Mom?

It' s been a great mother's day for me, starting with breakfast in bed and now a champagne toast to the resident celebrity - ME!  My family is trying really hard to show me the love in not fighting for a day, smiling as they listen to Colbie Callait, and even making baked kale chips instead of fritos!  It's days like these that make me miss my Mom, I think about all the silly thing we did for her for Mother's Day.  She loved every hand made card, just like me, loved all the burnt toast, just like me, AND didn't pass up a champagne toast, just like me.

I miss my Mom in that I wish I could ask her questions.  I mean did she really get all the billy goat hairs that are appearing on my chinny chin chin?  As I edge closer to immortality, are these changes normal- specifically the fricking weight gain after a day of only eating a blueberry and almond?  Was I such a pain in the ass as a child and how did she get through it?  Some of my questions serious, some of them funny, but I guess what I'd love to hear the most is her voice.

She could tell me all her usual sayings, "oh, I'll give you something to cry about" or "don't make me have to come over there," "you are so much like your father," just to hear her say it.  I'd laugh with her about all the obedience classes for our Golden Retriever and how the neighbors knew our dog shit in their yard because it had flourescent crayon specks in it.  I'd laugh about Dr. Mom, when the head popped off of my doll and she had to "go into surgery."  I'd laugh about her going out in the rain and wind because a neighbors trash can fell over and all his Playboy magazines were blowing down the street (my brother later took those from our trash cans and disappeared with them)  I'd laugh that she still hung the laundry during locust season in a trench coat, boots and hat.  I'd finally tell her where I hit the silver belt she used to beat me with and most of the times I deserved it.

Then we'd sit and have a champagne toast to each other, her for teaching me so much, putting up with her wild child and me for getting it right - for a change!  Then we'd pull out the tweezers and pick out each other's billy goat hairs.  What would you ask your Mom?