Fish Out of Water - Off The Beaten Path

Ever had one of those moments where you realize that you are totally out of your element, and it’s pretty hilarious? I had that moment this morning.

So I drive down this windy road into the town of Bedford because the needle on the albatross is only at a quarter tank and the way this baby sucks on the gas teat, that’s only getting me as far as the end of the driveway of the campground. I pull into the first gas station I see, Frank’s Gas and Groceries! (mistake number one, I really don’t know Frank). I park the albatross and walk into the grocery store and stop.

There’s about 6 men in there, all in overalls some camoflague some not, most with either camo truckers hats but a few with cowboy hats all standing at the register chewing the fat, I mean chewing the tobacco. The all pause in what they are saying and stare at me.

Here’s what they see, the big albatross pulls up with a cruiseamerica sticker on the side consisting of kids smiling stupidly from the Grand Canyon (I’m beginning to hate those kids) that almost takes out the trash can as we pull next to the pump. Here I come in my life is good pajama pants, life is good t-shirt, Birkenstocks, and a Run Happy hat on my head with my little Sherpani wallet hanging on my hip.

Back to the silence that greets me. I figure that at this point I’m committed, the albatross would use the last of the gas trying to get out of the station so I had to get gas. “Do I pay ahead of time,’ I ask no one in particular.

“Naw, just go pump yer gas missy.” Missy? Missy? I get ready to say something but the hunting knives on the walls and the fishing lures along with ammo says, Kel just keep your mouth shut and there won’t be any banjo music. So I go and put the pump in the albatross and clean out the lunchables, pop tarts, empty bottle from spilled drinks. I come back around and there’s one of the guys standing there holding the gas pump.

“It says that you can’t leave these unattended. One lady drove off with the pump still in the car, spilt gas evrawhere.” He pulls the pump out and puts it away. Again I think what’s with the automatic shut off on the pump? I do know how to pump gas. Kel, just go with it. I go past the Boonesfarm and Wild Irish Rose to find some milk and OJ, I add in a sweet tea hoping to fit in.
I go back in to pay with my gas they are all still standing there holding cups of coffee. I look up and say, “What’s a bear checking station?” Pointing to the sign.

“They bring a bear in and we chekit,” the guy replies as he swipes my card, 80 bucks in gas for those damn smiling kids!
“Chekit?”
“Yup, they kill the bear, we check the weight and stuff.”

I leave without telling them about the Momma Bear and three baby bears I saw up at Peaks of Otter, Max wouldn’t forgive me if they got “checked”. I go out and get into my rolling advertisement and notice that they are all watching me out the window to see if I can get the RV out of the station and on the road. I’m proud to say that we didn’t take the gas pump with us and only knocked over one trash can as we hit the road!